Page 12 of Cross To Bear

Crash nodded slowly, and Hawk just looked stunned at the prospect of being this close to Maddie, so when she went to pull away, he held her tighter. He’d protect her from the whole fucking world if she just gave him a chance. But not now. She came back to herself, looking far more flushed from embarrassment rather than emotional pain right now, as she smeared her tears across her cheeks then pulled back.

“I’m sorry…” She tried to smile and failed. “I need to go. There’s a lot to do—”

“Not like this, you’re not.” Crash plucked her car keys from her hands, and Maddie frowned in response. “We’ll get you home.”

“The party—”

“Bjorn will let Nelly know what’s going on,” I said.

“Oh, well, you don’t all have to come. Crash will give me a lift—”

“Seems to me that an extra pair of hands would help in this situation,” Crash said. “And three extra sets would help get the job done quicker.” He nodded to us. “The boys will take the truck and follow us to your place, then we’ll get the place looking spotless in hours.”

She went to protest, but I got in first.

“Leaving you time to relax, process, and make sure this is what you want to do.”

I didn’t want to say that. The bear shoved against my bonds, insisting we take Maddie, claim her and make her ours now that the conditions I’d set out for him had been fulfilled.

But I wouldn’t. We wouldn’t. I looked at my brothers and they all nodded slowly. Maddie was what was important and if she wasn’t really ready to leave Jesse yet? Well, we’d clean up his fucking mess for him, again.

“And if you do, we’ll get Jesse’s shit and bring it back here.” Hawk didn’t talk often, so when he did, he caught people’s attention. “He’s got a place to stay and people that love him. He’ll be fine, but you…”

“Is there anyone you want us to call?” I asked. “Mal, maybe?”

“No one…” She smiled as her voice trailed away. “No, I’ll be fine. If you could give me a lift, I’d appreciate it.” She looked down at her hands and we all saw that faint shake there. “I’m in no state to drive, and I just want to get home.”

“You got it,” Crash said, putting an arm around her shoulders and steering her over towards her car.

“We need to make a little pit stop on the way,” I told Hawk.

“Get some of that triple chocolate ice cream she likes,” he said as we both watched them walk away. “Some of those little chocolate wafers. Maybe some fudge sauce?”

“Whatever she needs to feel better,” I said. “We’ll get it.”

Chapter 8

Oh my god, this was so fucking awkward. Not only had I rushed out of the party, on the verge of tears, but they’d seen it. Hawk, Crash and Razor appeared from freaking nowhere, like tattooed guardian angels, and I’d… I closed my eyes then rubbed my face. I’d fucking cried in Razor’s arms. I was so grateful he hadn’t offered to drive me because I was never going to be able to look him in the eyes again. Trouble was I was having difficulties doing the same with Crash because somehow everything ended up in a group hug. As I confessed my plan to break up with their sleuthmate’s brother, they’d just…

Held me.

Fuuuck… I groaned internally, because that had felt so, so good. Jesse never knew what to do when I was upset, getting all squirrelly and backing away, or worse, getting cranky. Most of the time he just left, leaving me to sort it out alone, though… Being seen, being held, someone telling me it was all OK. Any doubts I had about leaving Jesse were driven out, because fuck. Small children could rely on the adults around them to be supportive when upset, so surely I should be able to with my own boyfriend.

Because Jesse wasn’t really my boyfriend.

We were a situationship, fuck buddies who shared the same living space. I couldn’t remember the last time we went out on any kind of date. He stopped asking me out not long after he moved in, his constant access to me negating that need. It also freed up his time to spend with his boys… God, I spent more time sleeping beside him than anything else. And that had its merits. I rubbed furiously at my eyes, daring the now aching ducts to let anymore tears slip free as I considered sleeping alone tonight. The bed would feel so much bigger. The apartment would be so much quieter. But I’d done it before just fine, I told myself. I would be fine. So I dropped my hands and sat back in the car seat, only to find Crash peering at me as we stopped at the lights.

“You all right there, Maddie?”

Holy crap, breaking down with a freaking audience sucked. I should’ve insisted I was fine to drive. Then I could’ve cried all I liked and no one would’ve seen. I forced myself to smile as I met his eyes. I had a pat response, ready there for me to say, to deflect him with a smile and maybe a lame joke, if I could muster one, but Crash had to say the one thing to derail all of that.

“It’s OK, if you’re not.” His focus shifted back to the road and thank god for that. “You’re about to make a major decision and that’s gotta be scary as fuck.”

“And what do big, muscly motorcycle mechanics know about being scared?” Where the hell had that come from? I didn’t know, though I wasn’t crying, so I forged on. “You look big enough to put anyone who messes with you on his arse.” My eyes slid up his massive frame, filling my tiny hatchback’s driver’s seat, his muscles flexing as he changed gear. “You look like the kind of guy that makes other people scared.”

“Not you.” He shot me a sidelong look, those pale blue eyes sparking with some kind of light as his lips twisted into a half smile. “You’re not intimidated at all.”

“Oh no, I just about peed my pants when I met the lot of you. I assumed Bjorn thought I wasn’t good enough for his brother.”

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