Page 129 of Cross To Bear

“So you know which is the right end to use then?” This guy was being a bit of a prick, and I pulled away from Kai for a second, right before a gorgeous woman rushed forward.

“Oh my god, you got the brushes!”

“Of course, I did.” I knew who she was then. She had to be brush guy’s mate, and that was evident not only from the bite marks on her neck. He shifted into her space, subtly providing a barrier between us and her. “You know I’ll always come through for you, Ellie.” But right as he went in for a kiss, she pulled away.

“You must be Bjorn. Hi, I’m Ellie and this is my mate, Cole. These are his brushes and he’s really, really picky about how they’re cleaned.”

“If you don’t clean them properly, they’re ruined,” Cole said between gritted teeth.

“I had to promise a lot of things not fit to talk about in front of children to get him to lend them to you, so please, please look after them,” she continued.

“You could always jump in and give us a hand, Cole,” I said, then took in his ice blue eyes. “Kai here wants to be a polar bear, and I reckon you might be better at painting that than me.”

“A polar bear, huh?” Cole’s expression changed completely when he looked at Kai. “Good choice, little man. So, let’s get you finished up.”

He selected a brush from the ceramic jug and then went to work as a little girl came forward, wanting a butterfly painted on her face, and that’s when shit got weird. “OK, honey…” Her mother took one look at me, hand freezing when it went to pull money from her purse. “Ahh, maybe we should go and buy some fairy bread instead?”

“No, butterfly!”

The girl pointed an imperious finger at me.

“OK, princess,” I said, patting the seat beside me. “What kind of butterfly did you want?”

“We’ll wait for Cole to finish.” The woman shot me an entirely mirthless smile, as if that was enough to excuse her behaviour.

“Whaddya think, mate?” Cole asked, showing Kai his face in the hand mirror provided for us.

“Rawrr!”

Kai held up his hands, so they became little claws, as he roared at the girl.

“That looks amazing, Cole.” The mother’s manner became instantly warmer. “C’mon Becca, it’s your turn now.” She was steered away from me and towards the other man.

“Bjorn did most of the work.” Cole’s voice had cooled by degrees. “I just added a few touches around the eyes.”

“Right, but you know Becca already.” The woman shot me a sidelong look. “I think my daughter will be more comfortable with you.” She stared down at her daughter. “What colour butterfly do you want? Orange like a monarch butterfly?”

Cole shot me an apologetic look but as children were starting to line up, I didn’t have time to question it. A little boy plopped down on my seat and demanded he be painted to look like Spiderman, so my hands were busy.

“Sorry about that,” Cole said, as yet another mother baulked at me painting her kid. I was washing the brushes I’d been using with great care, because what else could I do? The line had thinned out, but those that remained were lined up definitively in front of his side of the table.

“It’s all right, mate.” I forced myself to smile. “I get it all the time. The tattoos and the piercings, they put the average mother off.”

“That’s not it.” He dabbed his brush into his paint, but he wasn’t looking at that. “Shit…” He looked around and saw the next child hadn’t come forward yet so they hadn’t caught him cursing. “Hasn’t anyone told you?”

“Told me what?”

I asked that far too sharply, but the small minded, insular bullshit of the bear community was not something I loved, even less when it was taking me away from Maddie.

“Your mum… She’s had a lot to say to anyone that will listen.” I pulled the brush from the water, staring at the droplets that fell free from the end, but not really seeing them. “She’s saying…” He let out a sigh, then shook his head. “Look, people call me a blunt fuck, but here’s the 411. She’s saying that you’ve been bamboozled by your brother’s fated mate. You’re not talking to her anymore, shutting out your own family, all for a girl that doesn’t belong to you.”

The brush snapped right then. I said sorry, said I’d pay for a replacement, but Cole just took one look at the claws that had formed at the ends of my fingers and then nodded.

“That’s not what happened,” I told him in a great rush, like I had to get my version in first, but that moment was already lost. “That’s not how it went down. I waited for three fucking years for her…” Mothers gasped, jerking their children back and away from me, but let them. I didn’t want to traumatise small children, but the part of me that was still a kid was sick the fuck of keeping it all down. “My mate. Mine.” I was rising to my feet, creating a mother fucking scene, but that was what happened.

When the people around you that are supposed to be care for you don’t treat you right, sometimes you do stupid fucking things just to try and hang on to their love. Squash yourself down, twist yourself into shapes that you don’t fit, rip your fucking heart out of your chest and leave it bleeding on the ground, begging them to notice. As if summoned like ghosts that continued to haunt me, my dads stepped forward, taking in the drama unfolding with a frown and at their centre?

Was my fucking mother.

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