Page 47 of Cross To Bear

My answer was automatic, but who was I kidding here? Was I going to try and use the Bill Clinton defence? Genitals were touched, people got off and Mal’s grin widened then, scenting blood in the water.

“Which one? Was it Bjorn? He’s a huge hunk of hot man flesh.” Why did that have my fingers digging into the edge of my desk? “Or that Razor… He’s all laughs and smiles, but I think there’s something else going on under that facade.”

“All of them.”

Where the fuck had this come from? A rush of possessive feeling the like I’d never felt before. Suddenly I needed her to know, the whole world to know that they were…

Mine.

That wasn’t right, but as I shook my head, Mal burst out laughing.

“Oh my fucking god, girl, high five me now.” I just left her hanging, staring at her hand, trying to parse whatever the hell I was feeling. “No high fives?” Her smile faded. “This was all above board and consensual, right? Because if those fuckers—”

“It was amazing.” I answered honestly, but didn’t see her response as I sat back in my chair, staring at the screen. “It was everything I wanted. No feelings, just feeling. Do you know what I mean?”

Mal came back into focus, her smile much softer as she nodded.

“You were a full-time babysitter to a bouncing baby man child for three fucking years. It makes sense that you’d be a little gun shy. I mean rushing in and ending up with four Jesses would be a freaking disaster.”

“Speaking of Jesse.” I flexed my knuckles and her eyes dropped down to take in the reddened skin there.

“You fucking hit him? Oh my god, please, please tell me you did.”

I didn’t, but I told her what happened in fits and starts, the two of us whispering fiercely like a couple of girls on a sleepover. Her eyes growing wider, her mouth falling open, it helped ground me, make all of this more real, which brought with it a whole other set of problems.

If this wasn’t a relationship, if I wasn’t even thinking about accepting the bond, then what was I doing? I asked Mal that exact thing and her expression changed to one of sympathy.

“I love you, babes. I have to because you’re my damn work wife, but Maddie, you always go for certainty first over everything else. Why else did you stay with Jesse for so long? He stopped being fun before you even moved in together, but…” She let out a sigh. “You always knew where you were with him, even if it wasn’t very good. He was dependably shit. But these four…” She seemed to visibly brighten then. “If you’re not their mate, then what are you? Whatever you decide you are.” Mal nodded. “You’re whatever you want to be on any given day.”

Her words stuck with me long after she’d left to go back to her own work. My hands moved on automatic as I performed my tasks, tearing through the work I needed to get done today. While the cool, analytical part of myself was able to stay on task, the other part of me, the part that was a thinking, feeling woman, she was thinking of whole other things. So that when Hawk and Crash appeared at my office door at the end of the day, I was able to log off and shut down, stepping away from my computer and towards them. The two of them watched me move closer for just a moment, but that seemed to unlock something inside them. Hawk shut the door behind him with a decisive click as Crash rushed forward, putting his hands around my face.

“Tell me you haven’t had second thoughts,” he said. “Tell me I can fucking kiss you, because your taste has almost worn off my lips and I need more.”

I stared up into those pale blue eyes, seeing that desperation there, that need, and I stopped trying to work out what that meant. I’d exhausted my analytical capabilities today and now I just wanted to feel. I nodded, that smile I’d banished from before coming back in full force, as I went up on tiptoes, ready to give him exactly what he wanted.

Chapter 29

Crash

“What do you know about edging?” I asked Hawk earlier that day, resting my arse against the side panel of the car he was working on.

“What, like painting?” he asked, jerking his head up and I just laughed.

“No, fuckstick, edging a girl.”

I studied him closely, because even though he’d never gotten his dick wet, the guy seemed to have a curious amount of knowledge about sex. The big man pulled away from the engine, putting his tools down and wiping his hand on a rag.

“What’re you thinking?” he asked.

I was thinking a whole lot of fucking things. I hadn’t been able to stop since last night. We’d dropped Maddie off, Hawk carrying her up to her door as the rest of us ensured it was secure, then put her to bed, making sure she was tucked up tight under the covers and half asleep before we left. When we ran downstairs again, Razor had thoughts.

“She likes being pulled out of her head.” He swung into the passenger side door of the truck while I got back on my bike. “She wants to surrender.” He nodded slowly. “No reason why we can’t include something date adjacent while doing just that for her.”

“You want to stealth woo our mate while getting her off as hard as we can?” I asked, grabbing my helmet.

“We need her to see.” His eyes met mine, then each of the others in turn. “That we can take care of whatever needs she has right now and when she’s ready…”

“We’ll be the kinds of partners she deserves.” Bjorn nodded slowly. “OK, so who’s taking Maddie out tomorrow?”

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