Page 41 of Cross To Bear

“OK, well, I want…” She let out a sigh and for a second I feared she was deflating, but instead something seemed to settle inside her. She stared at the table as she finished that sentence. “I want to stop thinking all the fucking time.” The beer was discarded and her hands sank into her hair. “I want to… just let go. I had no intention of doing anything last night, but Razor and Bjorn… You pulled me out of my head and when you were touching me, I couldn’t think of anything else but that, and I felt… still. Not for long, because then you guys got me off.”

Her lips twisted into a small smile.

“Though even that… It was less like hard work and more about… surrender.” She looked up at me, meeting my gaze, all of ours. “I could just let go…”

That plaintive note in her voice broke my fucking heart and put it back together again, because I knew then what the four of us needed to do. To create a space where she could do that endlessly. Until she had her fill of the one thing she seemed to crave but never really received.

Peace.

We’d give her that, I vowed. No matter what came afterwards, she’d have that from us.

“We need to talk further about this…” Hawk shot me a dark look. “Though I think we know what needs to happen. You need…”

I had thoughts, ideas, things to say, to check my assumptions, but of course, we couldn’t just do that, could we? Because it was Thursday night and that was always a big one at the bar. Blokes were coming streaming in through the door, some with their girls in tow, some not, but it was one that caught my eye the instant he came walking in the door. A bruise marred his otherwise pretty face, though he didn’t seem too fussed about that now, laughing at something his buddies were saying.

“Jesse…?”

The fragile trust we were building here came crashing down like a house of cards as Maddie caught sight of him. Her eyes—they were filled with betrayal as she stared at me, us, because we’d brought her here, back into his orbit.

“Crash—” I growled.

“On it.” My brother stood tall, a familiar look on his face and Hawk’s, as he went to stand beside him. A grin filled with mayhem, that’s what it was, right as the two of them stepped forward.

“Roxy!” Bjorn barked, his eyes blazing as he caught sight of his brother.

“I know!” she shouted back, grabbing a pool cue and throwing herself over the bar before rushing over here. “Take this shit outside. Mal’s made clear we can’t keep writing off smashed furniture as a business expense.”

“You got it,” I growled, finally letting the bear off the leash.

Fur prickled across my skin, my claws snapping out so fast it hurt, but I leant into the pain. It felt better than the one aching in my heart. The one that had started up the minute I met Maddie, only to find out in the next breath that she belonged to someone else. One that multiplied over and over, each time I watched him treat her with anything other than respect. And now…

This was our bar, our turf and he fucking knew it, the pampered little shit. Nelly had worked hard to try and compensate for the challenges Jesse had faced as a little kid, being abandoned by a sleuth that had no business having kids. But she’d gone too fucking far, creating a boy in a man’s body. A boy who looked up as we approached, a foul sneer spreading across his face. That was OK. Me and mine were well prepared to belt that out of him.

Chapter 25

Bjorn

We were having a moment. Maddie had finally told us exactly what she needed. She just wanted to let go? I wanted her to jump, knowing I’d catch her every time and I was just about to make that clear, when I saw her stiffen. Fear was back again, and not in response to some remembered pain, but to one being experienced anew right fucking now.

And that’s when I knew what had caught her eye.

Because I’d seen this look in Maddie’s eyes before. Her whole body coming on high alert, her eyes wide and staring as I turned around to see my fucking brother strolling in through the door.

Jesse.

When the dads first brought him home, a skinny little kid with eyes too big for his face, filled with shadows I had no way of understanding, I’d been glad. Finally, I’d have a little brother. I’d rushed forward, only slowing my steps when I saw him flinch. My mum, my dads said something about taking it slow, so I’d held out my hand. He’d eyed it suspiciously, waiting for some kind of trick to be revealed, some new source of pain. I’d gripped it tight when he finally slid his hand into mine and then pulled him after me, up the stairs, showing him the room we’d share.

So how the hell had we come to this?

I didn’t feel any of that excitement in me as I strode across the bar floor. People jerked themselves away, knowing full well what was to come. Ours was an insular little world and everyone talked to everyone, so they knew we had beef with my brother, but it was more than that.

Fury.

It beat hot and hard in my chest, making every pulse of my heart hurt because Jesse knew exactly what he was doing. When he kept Maddie from us. When he went running home to Mum, knowing she’d protect him from the natural consequences of his actions. When he walked into our fucking bar with another girl pressed into his side.

Krystel.

She clung to the arm wrapped around her shoulders and gazed up at him like she’d won the lottery. Part of me was relieved to see him turning his attention to some other girl, but the other half of me was disgusted that he’d moved on so fast.

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