Page 36 of Cross To Bear

“I can’t go out for lunch,” I said, my eyes flicking right back to the computer screen. “I’ve got this thing—” She grabbed my laptop screen and shut it abruptly, then plonked the Bento box Hawk had left for me on top of it. “What the fuck, Mal?”

“I’ve told you this before, bitch. The higher ups at this place aren’t that bad, but they couldn’t give a literal shit if you starve yourself to death. Working through your lunchtime is for suckers. Act your wage.” I sucked in a breath as she plonked herself down in one of my client chairs, a cling wrapped roll in her hands. “So, spill, after you discover what delights that big, beautiful hunk of a man left you.”

We were like a couple of kids at Christmas as we opened the box, finding little containers of fruit, crudités, dip, sandwiches and even a salad with a separate container of dressing. The whole of my office was filled with the amazing smells coming from the food.

“OK, fuck this shitty sandwich from that place up the road,” Mal said, tossing her roll on my desk. “I want what you’re having.”

“So have some—” I pushed the lunch box towards her.

“No, he made it specially for you.” Her keen eyes caught the moment I flushed. “He did, didn’t he?”

“Keep it down!” I hissed back at her, eyeing my open office door. “He’s a client.”

“Not your client.” Her eyes narrowed as she smiled. “Something I think they knew very well when they transferred their accounts here. So Young, Dumb and Full of Cum has been kicked to the curb and Tall, Dark and Devilishly Sexy is ready to step up to the plate, and babes…” She gestured to the food. “This is A class stepping up. Love seeing that happen to you for once. So, did you bang?”

I nearly choked on my mouthful of sandwich, having to chew frantically rather than savour the chicken and salad, then swallow.

“I mean, that’s why he drove you to work, right? He fucked you stupid, then sent you to work bowlegged but satisfied.” She flopped back in her chair with a sigh. “Please tell me that’s true.”

“He just gave me a ride because my freaking car caught on fire yesterday, nothing else.”

“What?”

I sucked in a breath, taking a sip of my newest coffee before launching into the story of my insane afternoon.

“So they got you a dinner, fixed you a bath, went in for some Netflix and chill—”

“Just chilling,” I corrected. “No actual peen in vag action happened.”

“Well, shame on you, girl, for not taking advantage of that.” She pegged a balled up serviette at me. “You’re not with dickhead Jesse anymore. You should be riding those dicks, all of them, every moment you’ve got.” She tapped her bottom lip with her finger. “I wonder if you can fuck an ex out of your system.” A smile spread across her face. “Seems like it would be worth a try, for science, of course.”

“Not for science.” I set the little fork that was included in the lunchbox down. “They’re my fated mates, remember?”

“So?” Her eyes glittered with the light of challenge. “Seems to me that you need to try before you buy those guys. Those very big, very muscly, tattooed guys who’ve hopefully got other friends who aren’t intimidated by a smart, educated woman.” She pointed at her chest.

“I’ll be sure to ask, but…” I poked at the contents of the box with the fork, then pushed the two things away. “That doesn’t seem fair to them. It was what I was trying to tell Razor—”

“Oh please, do tell me what you told Razor, after he volunteered him and his pack—”

“Sleuth,” I corrected.

“Sleuth, to fulfil all of your sexual fantasies.”

I looked at Mal then, though I wasn’t really seeing my work wife, but a very different face. One that had piercing blue eyes one minute, then amber ones.

“That I can’t fully relax around them. I still feel a sense of responsibility, not to become what they want me to, but to ensure I don’t fuck them over. I can’t just… use them.”

“Yes, you can.” Her hands laced together in front of them. “You can. They gave you permission, and you seem to want to. I don’t think you’re holding back because you’re afraid of how they’ll feel.” One perfectly plucked eyebrow rose. “I think you’re terrified of how you’d feel if you just let go.”

Before I could interrogate whatever the hell that meant, a call came through. Annie let us know my next client was here early and could I squeeze them in now? Mal shot me a meaningful look as she rose to her feet, grabbing her sandwich on the way out.

“Worth thinking about, Maddie bear.”

But I didn’t, couldn’t, not when the next client walked in through the door with a briefcase full of problems, nor the next. The rest of the day went by in a blur, as I dealt with everyone else’s issues except for mine. Then, when the last person had left, someone else came strolling in.

“Evening,” Crash said, placing a couple of shopping bags before me. “Seems to me that you were supposed to knock off hours ago.”

“Shit!” I said, looking at the time, then my phone. “Have you been waiting around? I should’ve messaged you guys. I can catch a cab.”

---