Page 6 of Love You Still

“Lydia is gone.”

“Yes.”

“How’s Connor?” I ask, already knowing the answer. He’s devastated.

“As well as can be expected. Little Jade is doing fine, but she has to stay here at the hospital for a few days for observation.”

“What can I do?”

Emotions clog my throat as I drop my head onto my steering wheel and clench my eyes shut tightly. I need to keep it together and make it through this phone call with Mrs. B. I need to be there for my best friend and both their families. I will not break. I will stay strong for them, and when I know things are okay, then I’ll deal with my own emotions.

“We’re bringing Connor to our house. Can you call everyone and let them know what happened?”

“Do her parents…” The tears I was trying to hold back stream down my cheeks as my heart cracks in two. Today was supposed to be the happiest day of all three families’ lives instead of one of the worst.

“Yes. They were here at the hospital.”

“Okay. I’ll take care of everything. Once I finish making phone calls, I’ll come to the house. I’m bringing breakfast.”

“You don’t need to—” she begins, but I cut her off immediately.

“But I want to,” I reply, and Mrs. Bennett sighs loudly into the phone.

“Okay. I’ll see you at the house soon. If anyone wants to come over, let them know any time after lunch would be best. I want to see if I can get Connor to eat something.”

“You got it, Mrs. B.” I quickly hang up the phone, dropping it onto the seat beside me.

My hands clench tightly around the steering wheel as indescribable rage fills my veins. I want to scream into the universe. Curse the powers that be for taking such a beautiful soul before she had a chance to live her life. Lydia was going to be a mother, grow old with Connor, and continue to make the world a better place for everyone around her. But that’s no longer possible.

“Fuck!” I shout, my voice echoing around the tiny cab of my truck as I tug at the steering wheel repeatedly.

I want to rip it out and destroy everything in my wake as I try to imagine a world without Lydia in it. Blood-curdling screams rip out of my throat as I release my pent-up emotions. I scream for the loss of my friend, for the baby girl who will never know her mother, and for Connor, who lost everything in a single moment.

Jade. That was what Mrs. B said her name was while we were on the phone. Connor and Lydia were determined to keep the sex of the baby a surprise, but Connor secretly wanted a baby girl who looked just like her mother. I wonder if he still feels the same. Little Jade is a blessing. A little life that was born of this tragedy and the last piece of Lydia all of us have. But how are any of us going to be able to look at her, knowing what happened? How can Connor love the tiny human that took the love of his life? All these questions swirl through my head as my arms drop to my side. My muscles burn and ache as I reach for my phoneon the seat. I take a deep breath as I try to get control of my emotions before I find the number I’m looking for and hit send.

It took me a few hours to call all our friends and let them know what happened. Somehow, I kept my emotions in check, only allowing a few tears to escape as I delivered the news. I listened to everyone as they tried to process what happened before making promises to come visit the family as soon as possible, but I’ve yet to call Selina or her parents. I don’t know what to say to either of them, knowing that the minute I open my mouth, the torrent of emotions I’ve been keeping at bay will come rushing to the surface like a tidal wave. So, I put it off for a little longer.

As the sun peeks over the horizon, I move on autopilot and climb out of my truck and head back inside to shower. My mind is completely blank as I strip naked and step in. I don’t know if the water is cold or warm. My entire body is numb from all emotions as I lather my body with soap. I take the time to wash my hair thoroughly before climbing out and wrapping a towel around my waist. Once in my room, I go into my closet and grab the first pair of pants and shirt I find.

I should pay closer attention to what I’m putting on, but right now, I can’t bring myself to care. I have clothes on, and they’re clean. Besides, I doubt anyone is going to notice what I’m wearing. My entire body feels heavy, making it almost impossible to move as I struggle to get dressed. The pain becoming almost unbearable, I slide down to the floor. Dropping my head to my knees, I breathe in deeply. My fists clench tightly on my knees as anger and sadness continue to fight for control. I’ve never been a religious person, but right now, I have questions for the higher power in the universe.

“Why?” I croak, my eyes once again filling with tears. “Why her?” I’m met with silence, not that I was expecting an answer. I don’t know what I was expecting, but I continue speaking,letting all my questions drift into the universe. “You could’ve taken anyone else, but why her? Why now?”

A sense of peace settles over me, as if someone is wrapping their arms around me. Comforting me. The smell of Lydia’s favorite perfume fills my nostrils, and I sob loudly, my heart cracking open, and every emotion I’ve been trying desperately to keep control of comes pouring out of me. Soul-deep pain overtakes me as I give in to these emotions.

My hands clench tightly around my shoulders as I try to keep hold of these feelings, to hold my friend right here with me. “Please don’t go. Please, just…” My voice trails off, searching for the right words.

Is this really Lydia? Did she come to me, knowing that I’d need comfort? I don’t know, but right now, it doesn’t matter. Right now, I want to tell her how much she has meant to me.

“I’m shit with talking about my emotions, but I know you knew how much I loved you. You’re one of my best friends and the glue that kept me from completely falling apart over the last year. I promise to take care of them. To let Jade know all about you.”

A sense of comfort settles over my soul, soothing the jagged edges of my pain as the presence disappears. Loud hiccups wrack my body as I let go of one of my best friends. I meant every word I said. I will make sure that Connor is okay, that he finds a way to move forward without her beside him and that Jade will know about her mother. We’ll tell her stories about how her mother brought joy to everyone she met and made them better people for having met her.

My entire body shakes as I whisper into the void, “Goodbye, Lydia.”

I don’t know how long I sit on my bedroom floor, but slowly, my tears subside, and I push to my feet. The pain feels a little less than before as I finish getting dressed and head back tomy truck. As I climb in, I call in and order breakfast from Just the Drip, informing them I’d be there in a few minutes before pulling out of the driveway and heading toward the center of town. I drive in silence. No music, just the sound of the birds greeting a new day and a gentle breeze coming through my half-open window. The sky turns a beautiful shade of pinkish blue as the sun rises higher into the sky. Main Street is still quiet—most of the shops not even opening for hours still—and everything goes on as if nothing has happened. As if our lives haven’t been completely turned upside down.

I pull into a parking spot in front of Just the Drip and take a deep breath before picking up the phone and dialing a familiar number.

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