Page 40 of Love You Still

“Because I love you, Selina. You are the air that I breathe. You’re the brightest star in the sky on the darkest of nights. It’s always been you.”

“But why? I don’t understand. That night… I saw… you were…”

“What did you see?”

“I saw you in a very cozy clench with someone I had never met before. Just as I walked onto the back porch, she had planted a kiss on your cheek.”

“A kiss on the cheek?”

My mind plays everything that happened that day on a movie reel, trying to find the exact moment that something like this happened, but the only person I saw that night was Emily. Sure, we all went to school together, but I didn’t even recognize her when she started talking to me that night.

“But that’s not what hurt the most. It was the way you looked at her. Like she was the moon and the stars, the same way you always looked at me before I left.”

“Selina.” I take another step toward her, but she retreats a second time. “Emily was a girl we went to high school with. I was probably looking at her like that because we had just finished talking about you.”

“I didn’t know that. I had all these grand plans for when I saw you again. I was going to tell you I wanted to come home that night. I loved dancing, but after a while, I was just going through the motions. My heart wasn’t in it anymore because I left it here with you. But when I saw you in the arms of someone else, it broke me. I knew that I had waited too long, that expecting you to wait for me until I fulfilled my dreams was wrong.”

“Is that why you stopped talking to me?” I question, letting my arms fall to my sides in defeat. “How could you even think that I’d do something like that?” I question, wanting to understand.

“My best friend in the entire world had just passed away. I’d like to say my mind wasn’t in the right place, but that would be a lie. I had always expected you to leave me. Deep down, I knew that the distance between us would have eventually become too much, but instead of doing the right thing and breaking up with you, I was a coward and didn’t say a word.”

Selina wraps her arms around her waist as she begins to cry uncontrollably. “I was angry and hurt. Just the mere mention of your name would leave me engulfed in indescribable pain, where I couldn’t function. So, I asked my parents to stop talking about you. I told Leia that I never wanted to hear your name again. And then I cut everyone else off.”

Unable to stay away from her any longer, I stride toward her, wrapping my arms tightly around her slender body. Selina struggles in my arms, her fist hitting my chest a few times before her entire body sags into my embrace. I bury my nose into her hair, allowing all the emotions to pour out of my body into her, hoping that she will finally realize how deeply I care for her.

“Leia and my parents begged me to talk to you. They were determined to prove to me that it was all a misunderstanding, but I wouldn’t listen. It took months for me to realize how childish I had been, but by then, it was too late. Too much timehad passed. So instead of talking to you, I closed myself off to everything and everyone that would make me remember what we had. What I had lost.”

“Selina,” I choke out as pain lances through my entire body at the mention of being with another woman. “I will love you until my dying breath.” My eyes lock on hers as I search for answers, any sign that she believes what I’m saying, but the only thing I see is confusion.

“Leia tried to tell me what happened, but I never let her finish. In that moment, all my biggest fears came into view. I always knew you’d find someone better for you than me. Someone to live in that big house by the edge of the creek, sitting on the big porch swing and watching the sun set, your arms wrapped around each other tightly.”

“For such a smart person, you really are an idiot sometimes,” I whisper against her lips as I thread my fingers through her hair, tugging her head back and exposing her neck to me.

“I have to show you something.” I nibble down one side of her neck before making my way back up the other side. “Hopefully, then you will realize how much you’ve always meant to me. Okay?”

I push to my feet and hold my hand out toward her. She takes my hand without hesitation, threading her fingers through mine. “For the record, Emily gave me a hug because she said it looked like I needed it. My best friend had lost the love of his life, the mother of his child, and there was nothing I could do to help him. I needed that hug that night because I lost someone that day, too. Up until that point, I had spent every ounce of energy I had trying to keep Connor moving, and I barely had a moment to process what had happened. In that moment, the only person I wanted to see was you.”

“Okay,” she whispers as she strides to the door.

We make our way to my truck, hand in hand, stopping for only a few moments to allow Selina to lock up the studio. I now have a better understanding of what kept Selina away for so long. To think that a small misunderstanding could change the course of our lives is mind-boggling. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if she told me she was coming home that night, choosing to give up her dreams to be here with me. Would things have worked out how we planned? The house, the kids, the perfect life we imagined for ourselves when we were kids? I’d like to think so, but in reality, we could have ended up right here in the same place but without the chance of reconciling with each other. Selina would have eventually resented me for her coming home and giving up on her dream. Minus the pain and heartbreak we both have suffered over the years, I believe we needed that time apart. Time for both of us to grow and become better versions of ourselves.

Instead of spending all these years exploring the world, Selina has closed herself off to everything. New friends, relationships, anything. She didn’t want to feel anything for fear of being swallowed whole by her locked-up emotions. I have a feeling this is why she came back to Tyson’s Creek. She could have rehabbed her injury anywhere, but she chose to come back home. To the place that grounds her, where she is surrounded by people who understand and love her. I just hope she understands that I’m still one of those people.

“After you, milady,” I say to Selina as I swing the passenger side door open, bowing slightly at the waist.

“Thank you, kind sir.” She smiles softly before shifting her attention back to the car. “Okay, out of my seat, Love.”

“Oh, I thought this wasn’t a date. Don’t dates sit in the front seat?” Love giggles before sliding out of the car and opening the jump door to climb into the back.

“Yeah, Uncle Vance is insistent that thisisa date. Is there a particular reason?” Jade questions, then whispers something into her friend’s ear.

“Laying it on a little thick, don’t you think, Squirt?” I whisper in Jade’s direction as I climb into my truck.

“I don’t think so. We said we’d help you get the girl, and we plan on doing just that.” I should say something, but once Jade makes up her mind, there’s no changing it. It might be a lot easier for me if I just wait and see how things play out.

“Vance and I used to date before I went off to school.” Selina looks over her shoulder and flashes both girls a smile as I pull out of the parking spot.

“I’d say you did a lot more than just date, Selina.” Jade winks at me before shifting her attention back to her teacher. “Uncle Vance says you’re the love of his life.”

---