Page 60 of Love You Still

“I didn’t mean to monopolize the conversation, Brit. How are things going for you? How is it dancing as Odette inSwan Lake?” I ask, eager to hear of my friend’s success.

She was originally slated to dance opposite me as Odile before my injury, but once we knew how serious my condition was, it was an easy decision. She would dance in my place, and her understudy would perform as Odile.

“It was amazing! I have always wanted to be inSwan Lake, although I don’t think I did that part justice after spending months watching you dance,” she mumbles as she stabs her fork into her lettuce.

“Nonsense. You danced beautifully. Better than I could have with a bum ankle.” She gasps in shock, causing me to laugh. “You didn’t think I’d leave before watching you perform at least once, did you? I was at almost every performance before I left for home.”

We eat in silence for a few minutes. “And what about men?” Brittany asks with a smile.

I pause mid-bite, not wanting to have this conversation with anyone, let alone Brittany. “Who has time for men?”

“That means there’s someone.” She motions for me to start speaking.

I sigh. I don’t have the faintest idea how to explain what is going on with Vance and me. “There’s nothing to tell. My ex and I reconnected for the first time in years.” I take a sip of my water and send up a silent prayer that she’ll drop the subject, but no such luck.

“And?” she presses. Suddenly, it’s like a light bulb goes off in her head. “Wait a minute! Your ex from high school?” she screeches loudly, drawing stares from some other patrons.

“Yes. Now keep your voice down, or I won’t tell you anything.”

She pretends to zip her lips and throw away the key, then leans forward, places her elbows on the table, and rests her chin in her hands, letting me know I have her full and undivided attention.

“Before I came back to town, I hadn’t spoken to him since I left town after graduation. When I went home for my best friend’s funeral, I had planned on telling him I wanted to come home, to try and rekindle what we had but I saw him in the arms of another girl.”

“That son of a-” She growls, her hands balling into fist on the edge of the table.

“No, let me finish. It wasn’t what I thought, but after that night, I couldn’t see a way for us to be together,” I start.

“And?” She taps her fingers on her cheeks, showing her annoyance.

“And we reconnected while I was home. I tried for months to get it through his head that I was coming back here the firstchance I got, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.” I smile brightly as I tell her about his antics to get me to go on a date with him again. “Finally, I gave in, hoping that after all these years, the spark would be gone.”

“But it wasn’t?” She leans back in her chair and crosses her arms.

“No, it wasn’t.” I sigh, burying my head in my hands.

The truth is, giving up this part and settling down in my hometown doesn’t sound so terrifying anymore. Just sitting here talking about my students has brought me more joy than I could have imagined. As I think about what the future would hold for me there, my heart feels light, as if the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. I came back to New York and hopefully nailed my audition, proving to myself that I could do it. I was hoping for some sense of accomplishment for nailing the audition and fulfilling my dream, but instead, I feel as if something is missing.

“What do you want?” Brittany asks as she slides her chair closer to mine and lays a comforting hand on my shoulder.

“I know I’ve worked so hard to get where I am today, but something is missing.” I sigh as I look to the ceiling, wishing that I didn’t have to choose.

“Somethingor someone?”

“Definitely someone.” I smile softly, my cheeks pinking in embarrassment. “I would love nothing more than for him to walk through that door, but I couldn’t ask him to pick up his entire life and move to New York just so I can dance for a few more years.”

“How do you know that isn’t what he would want?”

I turn my head to the side and look Brittany in the eyes. “I never asked.”

She throws her hands up in exasperation. “Girl, this is the shit eighties movies were written about.”

I giggle nervously as I take another mouthful and avoid looking into her eyes, although I know she’s right. Yes, I’ve always wanted to be a dancer, but the one thing being home for the last six months has shown me is that there is something else missing in my life. Or, in my case, maybe someone.

“The smile on your face says everything.” She pauses, making sure she has my attention. “I’ve only ever seen you that happy when you’re dancing.”

“Maybe, but this is my dream.” I use the same regurgitated answer I’ve been giving everyone since I came home.

Brittany gives me a soft smile. “You have been a dancer at the New York City Ballet for years and danced on hundreds of stages. If you ask me, that’s pretty badass.”

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