Page 1 of Love You Still

Chapter 1

Selina

“Are you sure you want to do this?” my mom asks for what feels like the millionth time in the last week.

“We’ve been over this, Mom. I don’t have a choice.” I sigh as I stuff my favorite sweatshirt into my backpack.

“There’s always a choice.” My mom rolls her eyes, pulling my sweatshirt out and folding it nicely before placing it on top of my bag.

My mom and I have been having this same conversation for weeks, ever since I was awarded a scholarship to the Juilliard Summer Dance Intensive. I’ve been trying to land a spot in this program since I was a freshman in high school, and I’d almost given up hope when the letter finally arrived.

All I’ve ever wanted to do was dance, ever since my mom signed me up for dance classes to help me get ready to go to school and make some friends. What she didn’t know was that those classes would ignite a fire in my heart for dance that still burns to this day. Everyone assumed I’d grow out of it, my focus shifting from dancing to boys, but for me, that never happened. Sure, there have been boys, well one boy in particular, but he has always come second to my dancing. All my hopes and dreamsare finally coming true, but it feels as if I’m being ripped into a million tiny pieces.

“You’re already starting classes at Juilliard in the fall. Can’t you just wait a few more months? I don’t want you to regret the time you missed with your friends.”

“My friends will be here when I get back.” I flop onto the bed beside her, turning my attention out the window.

“Maybe. But you need to at least tell Vance you’re leaving, hun.” My mom wraps her arm around my shoulder, pulling me to her side. “He’s your biggest cheerleader after your dad and me. He’ll understand.”

My heart aches at the mention of Vance’s name. He’s been the only boy in my life since, well, forever. Vance and I have been connected ever since our first day in kindergarten. He walked right up to me with a bright smile on his face and pulled me in for a tight hug before announcing to the entire class that I was the girl he was going to marry. I obviously had no idea what any of that meant, but he slowly wormed his way into my heart. First as one of my best friends, then becoming something else entirely.

“I remember the day he came over and declared to your father he was going to marry you.”

I giggle softly. “We were, what? Eleven or twelve years old?” My mom nods as I lay my head on her shoulder, unshed tears collecting in my eyes. “He tried to kiss me under the old black willow tree in front of the church. I told him the only boy I planned on kissing was the one I’m going to marry.”

“He marched right up the front steps, knocked on the door, and asked to speak with your father.” My mom shakes her head slightly, planting a kiss on the top of my head. “Your father had no idea what to say, but he took his tiny hand in his and shook it. He told him that if he was man enough to speak to your father about his feelings for you, then he was all right in our book.”

“And I’ve been stuck with him ever since. Too bad things aren’t really that simple.” A lone tear streams down my cheek as I reach up and angrily swipe at it. “Will he still want to marry me when I live over thirteen hours away?”

This is the million-dollar question. Vance and I have lived in the same town, only a few miles away from each other, our entire lives. Now I’m moving almost a thousand miles away. How can we expect our relationship to last? I’ve tried to talk to Vance about my concerns numerous times, but he always smiles brightly and promises it will all work out. He’s the hopeless romantic in our relationship, believing that since we were meant to be together, everything will work itself out. Love conquers all, and all that other nonsense. But unlike him, my feet are planted firmly on the ground.

Attending Juilliard is going to be harder than anything I’ve ever done. I can put in the work; I know I can, but it won’t leave much time for anything else, let alone traveling back and forth between New York and Tyson’s Creek. How can two people have a relationship like that? A clean break is what’s best for both of us—at least, that’s what I keep telling myself.

“By plane, it’s only two hours and some change,”

“Be serious for a second, Ma.” I sigh, pushing off the bed and strolling toward the window. “We barely spend any time together now. There’s no way we can make it work with me being so far away.”

“I am, sweetheart.” I don’t even bother to turn around and look at my mom as I shake my head, which causes her to sigh loudly. “Look, I know having a long-distance relationship isn’t ideal, but if you love him as much as I believe you do, then it’s worth it.

“Then at least break up with him. Vance will never let you go unless you make him.”

“I can’t do that either.” I wrap my arms around my waist, holding myself together. “This isn’t something I can do over the phone, but if I see him…”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Do you think any of this is easy for me?” I screech, tears flowing freely down my cheeks. “This is all I’ve wanted ever since I took my first dance class. I want my chance to be a prima ballerina. To danceSwan Lakein front of millions of people. But my heart feels like it’s being ripped out of my chest at the thought of leaving him. Why can’t you understand that I have to do this and just be happy for me?”

There’s no way I can make anyone understand the indescribable pain running through my body as the time gets closer to leaving Tyson’s Creek and Vance behind. It’s selfish and childish to want to have it all while giving up nothing, but there’s a part of me that’s afraid of losing everything if I choose between the two things I love the most in this world.

“It’s not that we aren’t happy for you, Seli.” My other best friend, Lydia, sighs as she comes strolling through the door and plops down on my bed beside my mom. Her dark hair hangs loosely around her shoulders as she narrows her eyes in my direction. “We are sad for us.”

Lydia and I met around the same time Vance and I did. Her mom had the same bright idea as my mom to put her in dance class to help her make friends before school started. She spent most of the time in the corner, her eyes cast down on the floor, as if the studio was the last place she wanted to be, but something about her called to me. During the first break in class, I went over and sat beside her. I didn’t say a word, just sat there, letting her know that someone saw her and was there when she was ready.

I repeated the same steps for the first three classes until she finally told me her name. She was so shy, preferring to blend intothe background instead of being front and center on the stage during dance class, but somehow, I managed to convince her to at least give dancing a try. She didn’t stay in classes for long, but we were inseparable. We played at the park and went to the library together and told each other our secrets.

When we started school, we added Connor and Vance to the group, and we all became fast friends. As we grew older, she naturally gravitated to Connor, the same way I did with Vance, but the four of us remained the best of friends, not letting relationship drama get between the four of us, or at least, that’s how it used to be. With me leaving tonight for New York without saying anything to Connor and Vance, I may end up tearing our group apart at the seams.

“I just want to make a clean break. It’s better that way,” I mumble, swiping my cheeks and turning back toward the window.

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