Page 96 of Dark Delights

I headed out of town, driving too fast, taking risks. Being an asshole.

You’re broken, Beckett. Beyond saving.

I didn’t think about where to go. I couldn’t think about anything except Eve’s dark eyes and that damn tear making its way down her cheek.

I got out of town and onto the winding coastal road that ran along the rocky cliffs outside Hade Harbor. I’d driven these often, but never at this speed. My foot pressed steadily on the accelerator, pushing the car faster and faster, just like I did when I was racing. The rush of adrenaline felt like slipping into a warm bath. This was where I should be. Playing a game of chicken with fate.

The car curved around the bends, engine growling, tires squealing. I took a deep breath. My palms were sweating so much my hands were slipping on the wheel. My heart was pounding hard.

Up ahead, there was a section of road where the barrier was broken. Someone had gone over it the week before in a tragic accident. I’d seen it on the news. I stared at the gap in the safety rail. It called to me.

If I went over it, I’d never have to see Colette again. I’d never have to pretend I was okay when I wasn’t. I’d never have to feel guilt and shame and like I was the worst, most pathetic person in the world. Unclean. Dirty. Ruined. Broken. I’d never have to see the pity in Eve’s eyes. I’d never have to see her cry for me.

I was getting closer and closer to the barrier, my foot nearly flat against the floorboard.

“You need to be invincible, Beck, not like me…Live for me, Beckett. Be happy for me, my beautiful boy.”

My mom’s voice from a lifetime ago spoke in my memory, the day we had dipped our feet into Miller’s Pond. Thetis making her son invincible. She’d managed to achieve it, for every part of him, except his heel… it had remained fallible. For me, it was my soul that could never be washed clean and fortified.

Why go on? A face filled my mind. Evie as a plucky thirteen-year-old with a dog-eared manga. Eve watching our games and cheering her brother on. Eve at prom, Eve at graduation. Eve in the pharmacy, in danger. Eve, in my arms.

The barrier loomed closer.If you do this, you’ll never see her again.I tried to ignore that voice of reason. It sounded a lot like my mom.

Could I let Eve go?

My foot slammed on the brake, and the car fishtailed toward the barrier. A raw, soul-wrenching cry left me as I waited to see whether it was too late.

Somehow, the car stopped just before the front wheels tipped off the edge of the rough grass between the road and the drop.

The smell of burned rubber enveloped the car.

I let out a shaky breath, adrenaline firing through my body. I pushed open the door and spilled out. The panic attack from before was crowding in, and my time was up.

The salty air felt thin, and I couldn’t drag it into my lungs fast enough. I was dizzy. I tripped out of the car. Grass crunched under my sneakers, and birds trilled in the distance. The faded sun of late summer hit my skin, but all of it felt far away.

I was locked in Hell. It lived inside me, and every time I thought of the past, it threatened to swallow me whole.

For the first time since my mother died, I hadn’t been alone. For a few weeks, I’d had Eve. I’d been happy.

Of course, that couldn’t last. It never did for someone like me.

She’d never look at me the same.

I sank to the ground, my back against the car, and concentrated on breathing.

How odd that my heart was still beating, even when it felt like my life was over.

Strange indeed.

Eve

Beckett wouldn’t answermy calls. I had to have called him more than seventy times. After Soren and Colette had left, I’d paced our room and called and called. He’d driven off in such a hurry, I was terrified he’d get into an accident.

That night, I tossed and turned in the bed I’d shared with him just the night before. No one had heard from him. Anxiety was making me sick. I watched the shadows trace dark fingers over the ceiling, sleep miles away and unreachable.

What I’d overheard between Beckett and his stepmom was etched into my memory forever. It had burned right through. It was so heartbreaking and horrifying. The last barriers I’d held in front of my heart to protect me from the onslaught of feelings that had been flooding through me for weeks, were gone.

I didn’t hate Beckett. I couldn’t even pretend anymore. I never had. I’d just never understood him. Even then, I’d wanted him. He was the boy with the burning eyes who had never been too far from my mind. My brother’s best friend.

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