Page 87 of Bad Intentions

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Lily let Tyler drive her home. He had a nice, shiny new truck. He probably had parents who gave a fuck if he lived or died. He made her laugh, not cry. He was a better person than I was. Despite knowing it all, I sat in her room and waited for her to come home.

Her parents were out celebrating. It was quiet, and the room smelled like Lily. I could have sat in there for hours in the dark, breathing her in and pretending that I didn’t break everything I touched.

The journal I’d bought her for her birthday laid on her desk, untouched. I sat on the edge of her bed and grabbed a framed photo sitting on her nightstand. In it, she and Eve were laughing about something, bent double at the waist. Lily wore shorts, and her slim thighs drew my eyes. I could remember how they’d felt in my hands. I could remember the freckles sprinkling her inner thighs.

I took a deep breath and stuffed my feelings down where they belonged, in the dark, with the rest of my ugly soul. I reached for the journal and flipped to the first blank page. My hand closed on a pen. I didn’t think about what to write. I didn’t think she’d ever read it. This journal was a present that reminded her of how terrible I’d been to her. Threatening her, blackmailing her with her secrets, exposing her when she’d disappointed me.

My hand moved over the page, the ballpoint scoring deep into the unblemished surface. A scribble destined to never be seen, and the most honest thing I’d ever written. I tucked the diary into my back pocket to take back to my room. The confession in it was too damning.

After, I lay down on her bed, my entire body aching after the game. Tyler Owens packed a mighty punch when he slammed you into the boards, and I knew I was going to feel it for days. The smell of Lily rose around me, and I turned my face into her pillow and breathed deep.

She came home exactly an hour after the end of the game. I tried my best not to think of where she’d been with Tyler that whole time. It didn’t work. I left her room as untouched as I could, slipped back into mine, and closed the door just as she came down the hall.

She didn’t pause outside my door. I took out the T-shirt that I’d stolen from her room. It was from some science summer camp she’d gone to and was huge and shapeless. Regardless, it smelled like Lily. She often slept in it.

I lay down on my bed and put the T-shirt next to my face on the pillow. If I closed my eyes and let my mind drift just right, it was like she was there.

Cayden

We fellinto a routine of sorts over the next week. I pretended not to watch Lily, and she pretended not to notice my eyes on her. Selena and her cronies were tough on her at first, spray painting shit on her locker and posting excerpts of the journal all over group chats and scrawling them on scraps of papers and sticking them to noticeboards despite Principal Smith’s warnings. That seemed to have stopped when I kicked Selena’s irritating ass off her table and iced her out. Gradually, things quieted down.

The game the next week was the first home game where Lily’s face wasn’t staring down at me from the stands. I didn’t know how she’d gotten out of it, considering how much Coach liked his rituals—and having his daughter attend was certainly one of them—but she had.

Had Eric talked to his daughter about the journal? He hadn’t said a word to me about it, despite the contents featuring me heavily. Maybe he hadn’t seen it. It would have been a fucking miracle if he hadn’t.

I was almost disappointed. Revenge on Bug was only good if it hurt, and having it out with her parents would sting her the most. She was hiding her real self from them, and it was time to let it out. I wouldn’t let her hide anymore, not when she hadn’t extended me the same courtesy. If things went like she feared, they’d blow up at her about going to college out of state, and then she’d be shamed into staying.

She’d have to attend HHU, just like me, and then I could keep an eye on her.

Her little escape route would be blocked, and she’d be mine, plain and simple. I couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving, fucked up as that was.

After another game, and an easy win, Coach called me into his office.

“Sit down, Cade, I have some news.” His smile lit up the room.

I dropped my heavy sports bag and dropped into the seat in front of his desk.

Eric steepled his fingers and grinned at me. “How do you feel about the upcoming game against the Maple Maulers?”

I shrugged, my nonchalant expression masking the excitement stirring within me. “Should be a cakewalk, like everyone else.”

Eric laughed. “I was hoping you’d say that. Well, let’s hope you’re right, and let’s make sure you look good. HHU is coming to scout the game. They’ll be watching the Ice Gods in particular. This is it, Cayden—your big shot.”

His grin was infectious, and I found myself smiling back. Scouts for HHU, and then, after I dominated on the college team, the NHL. It was happening. Finally, something in my life that I’d worked hard for was actually happening. It felt too good to be true.

Eric launched into game strategy, and I listened eagerly. I had to train, I had to stay focused. Nothing else mattered.

“Cade, before you go – I wanted to ask you about Lily.”

I froze in the doorway, on the cusp of escaping after our talk.

I turned back to him. “What about her?”

“I mean, I know what happened with your bike.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I still can’t believe Lily would do that. Why didn’t you bring the bill to me?”

I didn’t know how to answer that.Because I deserved itwasn’t what he wanted to hear. I simply shrugged.

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