Page 60 of Malevolent King

I couldn’t stop the soft snort leaving me at her gesture. “You really think God cares about men like my father? He’s hardly going to Heaven.”

Carmella tossed her head. “He protects his family. That has its own type of honor. Would you condemn soldiers to Hell?”

“Antonio and men like him, Silvio, Frank… they aren’t soldiers. They only care about power and more money.”

Carmella turned and fixed me with a look. “And what about your brother? What about Renato?”

I opened my mouth to speak and found no words there. “It’s different. He doesn’t have a choice,” I said slowly, trying to gather a defense. The idea of lumping my brother in with my father was jarring. Another man brushed the edges of my mind.Nikolai isn’t like them either.“Not all made men are terrible. Some have their own code, and some never chose this life. It chose them.”

“And maybe Antonio feels the same way about himself. Don’t forget, Sofia, all people, no matter who they are, where they are, or how they live want to do just that. Live. People will make peace with a lot of things to survive.”

“Silvio isn’t beating a prisoner within an inch of his life just to survive. Have you seen the Russian downstairs lately? We aren’t meant to be messing him up too badly. That wasn’t part of the deal. If it was a fair fight, Silvio would cry and beg like a little bitch on his knees to survive,” I muttered darkly, and tossed a green bean into the bowl. I felt Carmella watching me. “What?”

“Be careful,tesoro, your partiality is showing,” Carmella said, barely above a whisper.

I stared at her, my cheeks flaming. I felt like I’d been caught with my hand in the cookie jar. The screech of Angelo pushing his chair out made me jump. He left the kitchen with the paper in hand, and silence fell between me and Carmella.

“I don’t know what you mean,” I told her.

“Sure you don’t. And Chiara isn’t sneaking around with a man nearly twice her age,” Carmella muttered, confirming what I’d already known. She could have been a brilliant detective.

Alarm worked through me. “About Chiara…”

Carmella pushed the brimming bowl away and tutted. “It’s not my business. I’m not involved. Only you are my business. You know your mother was my best friend, and when she passed”—she stopped a second to cross herself—“I promised I’d look after you. You don’t think I could have retired to Atlantic City by now and be playing the slots and wearing a velour tracksuit… living the dream?”

I reached out and grabbed her hand, still holding her little paring knife. My heart thumped uncomfortably. I couldn’t even imagine my childhood in Casa Nera without Carmella. She and my brother had been the only source of happiness and family I’d ever felt at home. Nikolai had been right, after all. If my father died tomorrow, it wasn’t mourning that would make me cry at his gravesite, but fear of the future. Fear of worse men than him taking over.

“It won’t be like this forever. When Ren comes home…”

“I know.” Carmella smiled at me. “I know everything will be different, but that day isn’t this one. You need to be careful, Sofia. There’s change in the air, and it’s dangerous.”

“Don’t worry about me. I can take care of myself.” I tried a smile, but it felt awkward.

In truth, I was as scared as she was, but not only for myself. I was scared for Carmella and what Silvio and Franco might do if my father died. I was scared for Angelo, the older man who had fallen for an off-limits woman. And most of all, I was scared for the tied-up maniac in the basement.

The memory of last night was foggy and painfully clear at the same time. Not only had I finally done it, lost my virginity, but I’d done it with Nikolai, my family’s sworn enemy. I didn’t regret it. No matter what would happen to me in a terrifyingly unknown future, rushing quickly at me, I would always have last night. A tiny piece of time carved out of my life just for me, an act of defiance and will so great, I wasn’t sure I was capable of it until it was happening.

Last night, for the first time, I stepped outside the control of my masters, and it had felt better than I could have ever dreamed. I was free, for once. Nikolai talked about the cage around his heart, the one that couldn’t be broken. I pictured it as his ribs, with bone-like bars, something he was born with. A necessary part of him.

My cage, as he’d known, was inside my mind. A bird with clipped wings wouldn’t get far in the wild. To break my wings free, I had to escape the prison of my mind. Niko had brought me closer to that than ever before.

“Sofia?” Carmella’s voice broke me from my reverie.

I blinked at her.

She narrowed her eyes and watched me steadily for a long moment before nodding. “Vabene, I’ve delivered my warnings. You’re a smart girl. Be careful.” She crossed herself again, this time pressing a kiss to the tiny gold cross around her neck.

* * *

“What happened to your neck?”Chiara asked as we walked around the gardens of Casa Nera.

Technically, we were supposed to be jogging but were walking and gossiping. Maybe because he hadn’t had his hands to mark me with, Nikolai had managed to suck a string of hickeys along my collarbone.

“Nothing. An allergic reaction,” I muttered, wrapping my arms around my middle. I should have worn a scarf.

She narrowed her eyes at me. She knew something was up, which made sense. Chiara was one of the few people who knew me. “If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had hickeys.”

My eyes skittered from hers. “What’s up with you anyway? I thought everything was roses?”

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