Page 91 of Love You Anyway

Pivot.

“You’re famously secretive about your personal life, but some recent photos have gotten people excited.”

“Correct. There were photos.”

She frowns. I sit calmly.

Pivot, pivot, pivot.

“You’ve spent some time in Napa Valley recently. Anything you’d like to tell us?”

I’m all ready to answer her question with another bland, nothing response that won’t get me into hot water later, except that…I can’t.

I can’t pivot and stay calm and collected now that the idea of marriage bounces around in my brain. And PJ is sitting in the green room a few meters away. And if there’s anyone on the planet I can imagine marrying, it’s her. For once, I have faith in myself—that I won’t run at the first sign of some new shiny thing at AstroTech.

The confident smile melts from my face, and I look at my hands splayed out on my thighs. When I meet Chantal’s gaze, I see her expectant yet wary expression as she tries to give her audience a good interview while I’ve been reticent and stubborn.

And I relent.

“I’d like to talk about the future of space exploration as I see it. And I’ll explain why I said what I did a few weeks back. You see, I’ve been worried about the carbon footprint of ourcompany, and I know that spouting my mouth off wasn’t the way to bring about change. For that, I’m deeply sorry.”

Chantal’s face softens but her eyes sharpen. The journalist in her senses this is about to become a good episode.

“You haven’t apologized publicly before now, correct?” Chantal leans forward slightly, enough to show she’s interested in what I have to say. She’s good at her job. She meets my gaze, offers me a sympathetic half smile, and tries to make me feel comfortable enough to say more.

Even though I can see what she’s doing from an intellectual perspective, it doesn’t fail to draw me in. I nod. “This would be the first time, yes.”

“So why? What’s changed?”

I nod as though this is the first time I’ve considered the question. I can help her build tension. “In some ways, nothing. I’ve always cared about the environment. It’s why I got interested in science in the first place. I’m passionate about our natural world, and I want us to be able to explore beyond the boundaries of our planet. I don’t think anyone who’s followed the exploits of AstroTech would be surprised by that.”

Chantal nods. “You’ve made a business of it. And the world is watching.”

“Exactly. So, to me, that’s the perfect time to say something I’ve needed to say for a while. I do think we need to do better when it comes to how we treat our planet, and that extends to space exploration as well. I stand by my comments from a few weeks ago. We’re making some changes to the spacecraft that will make our next launch carbon neutral. It’s a big deal. And I wouldn’t have been able to make those changes if I hadn’t gone off the rails and upset everyone. But…”

I shift in my seat. I’m a little uncomfortable, but I’m also helping build some drama because I want people to pay attention. I understand this television moment for what it is. Mypause will make people invest in what comes next. I can see it in Chantal’s sparkling eyes.

She waits, leaning forward a tad more.

“I regret the way I said it. I should have been more thoughtful. And I don’t offer these opinions lightly. In the past few weeks, my team at AstroTech has been redirected so we can fulfill the promise of being cleaner and greener, while at the same time profitable. In order to back that promise and give investors a reason to have faith in me, I’ve bought back shares of the company in order to bring our stock price back to what it was on the day I spoke out. If I can’t make good on my promise to be greener, I don’t deserve my personal wealth. And I was told by someone very wise that I should own up to my mistakes, so that’s what I’d like to do now.”

I stop and let the words land. Chantal’s mouth twitches. I didn’t tell the person who pre-interviewed me last week any of these things, so Chantal is unprepared with answers. To her credit, she rolls with it.

“That’s…quite a gesture.”

She’s right, but it’s not the way I want to end the interview. I’ve come this far, and seeing PJ in the green room drove home exactly how this all needs to go down.

“Yes, and all of the specifics will be released in great detail in a statement from AstroTech. But there’s something else.”

Chantal’s eyes light up again. “Yes?”

“I wanted to answer your earlier question. And that is to say that I can’t think of a better reason for doing the right thing than love.”

Chantal’s lips twitch as she tries to figure out what to do with this nugget of information. Her lips twitch as she formulates a final question.

“You sound like a man who may have found what he’s looking for in that department.”

I swallow and let the smile drift across my closed lips, but then I shake my head. “I love space exploration and the possibilities of the human race if we open our minds. And yes, I’ve also found love in my personal life.”

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