Page 43 of Love You More

“You already have. This job is getting me on the road to renting my own place.”

I could do so much more. I couldbuyher a place. But I don’t want to risk insulting her.

“You don’t look comfortable,” Ruby observes as I try to arrange my limbs so I fit into my chair. It’s a massive failure, and I end up slumped over my lap with my elbows on my knees.

“Yeah, it was a mistake to buy these.” I gesture at the matching chair next to mine. Not bad enough I have one of them—they came as a pair. “The idea of having this library look in here seemed cool, but the chairs are hard and not that comfortable.”

Ruby’s head swivels around, and she takes in the tall bookshelves that flank the wood-burning fireplace and nods. “It does have that feel. You need a pipe, though, if you’re really going for the Sherlock Holmes vibe.”

“Just a pipe? Short of that, I’ve nailed it?”

Her laugh is heartier this time. “Totally.” She pulls herself into an upright position and scoots to a corner of the couch, patting the now-empty cushion. “Here. I can’t be the only one sitting in the lap of luxury. Doesn’t seem fair.”

My brain sticks on the mention of “lap,” because I’d like to haul her onto mine, but instead, I move to the opposite corner of the couch and sit. She turns to face me and brings her feet up to cross them underneath her.

I pick up her water glass and hand it to her, letting our fingers brush because I need the contact, even if it’s just this. Electricity. Fire. Lust.

Every damn time.

Her eyes snap to mine, and she swallows hard before casting her gaze away and taking a sip from her glass. I’m aware that I’m staring at her lips as she drinks and wanting…her.

“Can I ask you something personal?” She winds a strand of hair around one finger, then lets it go. It spins but maintains its curl. My hands flex. I want to get my hands in that hair, but I can’t. Things are going so well with Fiona, and I can’t fuck it up by driving her nanny away with my inappropriate behavior.

My thoughts are racing out of control because I’ve told myself so many times that I can’t have her, and now I can’t think about anything else.

I’m so distracted—so utterly captivated—by the proximity of her on my couch that I mutter “sure” to her question without really hearing it.

“Why did she leave?” Ruby asks. Then I’m brought back to earth. We’ve never talked about Annabelle, and I’m not sure I want to. I don’t talk about my ex-wife with anyone.

“Who?” I stall and feign ignorance while I decide whether I’m willing to let her into this messy part of my life.

Not surprisingly, she doesn’t let me get away with my shit for a single second. “Looking like you do, I’m sure there’s a long list.” Her hand goes to her mouth, and her eyes squeeze. “Sorry, that was rude.”

“I wasn’t offended.” My dick jumps in my pants at the thought that she finds me attractive.

“You don’t have to answer the question. Unless you want to.”

For reasons I don’t completely understand, I do want to tell her. Everything about the way I react to Ruby is instinctual, and half of it catches me off guard, so I’m as lost as she is. Case in point, when anyone else asks me a question I don’t feel like answering, I deflect it or shrug it away.

With Ruby, I feel like I want to give her the truth.

“She said she wasn’t cut out to be a wife and mother.” Rehashing those words is a gut punch all over again. Doesn’t matter how much time goes by.

Ruby waits. I don’t elaborate. I’m not sure how much more there is to tell.

“Is that all?”

“It’s also why I don’t have matching dishes. She took them when she left, and I never wanted to own another set. Felt like a reminder that she didn’t want to be here.”

“I can’t imagine how she could leave now that I know you and Fi.”

The air leaves my lungs, because in a few short weeks, it’s not just Fi and I who’ve made an impression. She’s burrowed deep into my dreams, and the waking moments that aren’t spent worrying about finances are all spent on her. And I still want more.

“Yeah, that’s why I won’t risk another relationship. My daughter deserves better.” I say the words to remind myself what I know is true, even though it makes my chest ache. I’m also offering Ruby a warning, telling her I can’t ever give her anything long-lasting or substantial. I just can’t.

Even though right now, I want to risk everything for the woman next to me.

I slide closer to her on the couch, close enough that I can hear her breath hitch. But after a brief look of surprise, her eyes flash with recognition. Her hand falls to the space that remains between us on the couch.

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