Page 60 of Defeated

“One night, or even two, was never going to be enough.”

“What?” I blink at him like a goldfish in a bowl.

He sighs, and his expression is so sad I want to hug him when he releases my chin and retreats a step, his eyes sliding from mine. “I have some things I need you to know before I ask you something.”

There’s a distance in his voice, an underlying tension that wasn’t there before. If I hadn’t seen the pain in his eyes before he looked away, I’d have thought he was getting ready to insult me the way Harlan did.

Instead of running away to save myself from more abuse, I ask, “What things?”

“Things like how I killed my mate,” he admits quietly, not looking at me.

I recall the anguish in his voice before, and I know there’s more to his admission than him simply killing his mate. After the way Harlan treated me, I couldn’t have killed him. I’m sure Harlan wouldn’t have been able to do the same to me.

There’s more to this than I’m seeing.

“What happened?” I ask.

He turns to peer out of the window.

I can’t see his face, can’t read his expression, but I know he’s hurting.

“She died because I didn’t protect her.”

“An accident?”

He shakes his head sharply. “It was our first run together. I told our packmates I’d keep her safe, that I wanted it to be just us.”

“What happened?”

“A stag,” he says, “It caught our scent, went crazy and trampled toward us.”

“It killed her?” I whisper, wishing I could take his pain from him.

And because I can’t, I slip my hand into his and squeeze.

He offers me a brief, bitter smile. “Not the stag. Funnily enough, if we’d stayed right where we were, we’d have—Gracie would have—been okay. It shied away at the last moment. But I’d already shoved Gracie out of the way.”

“And then?”

“I was proud at first. Proud I’d kept her safe like I said I would. And then I saw what I’d shoved her onto.”

My eyes fill with tears at the agony in his voice.

“A storm had blown through the area and knocked trees down, and I’d shoved her right on top of a fallen branch. It punctured her fur… her heart.” His voice is husky, and his eyes glassy. “There was nothing I could do but hold her as she died.”

I blink and a tear falls. “I’m sorry, Chris. But that wasn’t your fault.”

“Gracie would have lived if I hadn’t messed up so badly, and now I can’t trust that I won’t hurt someone else I love.”

“You saved me, and you did everything you could to save Gracie. She would have known that. You were not to blame.”

“I don’t know that I will ever believe that, but I’m glad you think so.” He squeezes my hand. “I want to ask you to come with me to Winter Lake. You’ll be safe there, and I think you’ll be happy.”

Swallowing hard, I pull my hand from his. “I can’t.”

He tries to hide his flash of pain, but I see it before he turns away. “I understand. I’ll leave you to?—”

“You didn’t let me finish,” I interrupt.

---