Page 41 of Enemy Boss

Max

He says it with an indulging smile, like we are a new couple out on a date, and he is pointing something out about me in a cute, teasing kind of a way. There is nothing cute or teasing about it in the scenario we are in though. It’s horrifying how utterly delusional he is, and I don’t know how to handle this. It seems that whatever I say, he is going to just gloss over it and make it fit this fantasy he has built up in his head.

I know if I anger him or try anything like running from him now, he is likely to flip out completely and hurt me. As much as I hate the idea of even pretending that I feel anything for him, I’m starting to think that my only way out of this might be to go along with him and then when he leaves it’s not me kicking him out but him going home in his mind. I can then hopefully get away from here and get some help before his next visit.

The thing is though, that might work short-term, but to really throw him off my scent it will mean uprooting my whole life again, moving into a new place. And I don’t want to keep running.

I’m thinking of the big picture and it’s too big to consider with Ross sitting beside me in my apartment. I need to concentrate on one thing at a time, and right now, my priority is simply getting Ross out of my apartment in the here and now without me being hurt. That’s it. That’s all I have to focus on right now.

“I guess not,” I say with what I hope is a convincing self-conscious shrug.

“Oh, honey it’s ok. I love you just as you are,” Ross says.

My shrug must have been convincing. Maybe I can pull this off. Maybe Cullen was right but for reasons he doesn’t even know about, and I should start looking for work as an actress. Ross is looking at me and I can’t read his expression which is worrying me.

“You can say it back you know,” he says quietly after a moment. He looks at me with piercing eyes and I realize he’s waiting for me to tell him that I love him.

I try to say it, I really do, but the words just won’t come out.

“Max,” Ross says, his voice starting to sound less amused and more angry. “Tell me that you love me.”

“I … I can’t. It’s too soon,” I say.

Surely that’s better than saying I can’t because I fucking hate you.

“How can it be too soon? We’ve been together for months now Max,” Ross says.

“No, we haven’t,” I yell. I didn’t want to lose my patience, but I can’t help it. There’s only so much of his delusion I can play along with before it drives me insane. “We dated and we broke up. This might be eight months in for you, but for me, it’s day one.”

It’s the best I can do to also continue to try to play along by letting him think I’m still open to some sort of reconciliation with him. I hope it’s going to be enough, but his expression tells me it isn’t going to be. I seem to remember that being a thing with Ross. It didn’t matter how much I gave him, he always wanted more.

He jumps up off the sofa, and I flinch, but he doesn’t come towards me, he just starts pacing up and down in front of the coffee table.

“I really thought we were getting somewhere Max. I thought we were going to be able to put all of this mess behind us finally, but no. You won’t do anything the easy way will you? God Max, why do you always make me punish you? Do you think I like having to teach you this stuff? Because I don’t. It hurts me deep inside,” he says.

“So don’t do it then,” I counter.

“I have to do it. I can put up with the pain for you, my love. Because someone has to teach you. I’m sorry for getting angry there. I know you’re doing your best. Maybe I‘m just not the best teacher. But we’ll get there won’t we? Even if the progress is pretty slow. Because love conquers everything,” Ross says.

The really scary thing about all of this is that I genuinely think Ross believes everything he’s saying here. He believes that we are in love and that I just need help to be a better person, and by help, he means a beating to keep me in line. And he sees nothing wrong with this because he actually does believe it’s for my sake not his, that he’s really helping me.

I need to try a different tactic because I can’t tell this man I love him. I don’t think I would ever be able to get him to leave my side if I do but telling him that it is too soon isn’t working. That’s just going to result in him hurting me – for my own good of course.

Come on Max. Think. There has to be something you can say to make him believe you. An idea occurs to me, and I look down into my lap, hoping I look ashamed of myself.

“I … I’m sorry. You’re right of course. Love is enough and I’m sorry I can’t say it yet, but I lied about why,” I start.

This gets Ross’s attention, and I can feel his eyes on me as he waits for me to explain what I mean. I think about how I feel about Cullen and how, despite everything, when we were together, I still hadn’t been brave enough to tell him that I loved him.

“It’s such a big, loaded word and I feel like our relationship is still kind of new. I’m scared that it changes things between us,” I say. I force myself to look up at him and smile. “I guess I’m scared I’ll come on too strong and scare you away.”

Ross comes towards me, but I don’t think he’s going to hurt me. He’s smiling and it’s not his arrogant smirk. He perches on the coffee table opposite me and gently strokes my cheek. It takes everything I have not to cringe away from his touch, but I manage it.

“You never, ever have to worry about that with me honey,” he says. “You could never scare me away. Now say it. Tell me that you love me. I need to hear it.”

I just shake my head. I can’t do it. Even if it means him hitting me, I will take it because I can’t sully those words by saying them to him.

“It’s ok, I get it,” Ross says, and his voice is still gentle and soothing, like he really does get it. “They say actions speak louder than words anyway don’t they. So don’t tell me that you love me. Show me that you love me.”

---