Page 44 of My Worst Pucking Enemy

I roll my eyes. “Yeah, people do, don’t they? So weird.”

The waitress arrives and delivers our food. She gives Paxton another funny look as she sets his plate down in front of him.

“Thank you,” he says politely. She just scurries on to the next table.

“Anyway, there are going to be rules. You play the part of the perfect girlfriend. You do not date any other guys or do anything that will tarnish the public image your sister has so very carefully crafted for me.”

“That’s totally cool with me. I am hardly in a dating mood,” I inform him.

He shoves a french fry in his mouth and chews it savagely. “Well, that’s a shame, because we will be seen out on a public date once a week, in which you play the part of my adoring girlfriend, and I get to pick what we do on every single date. And believe me... I’m going to have fun with our activities on these dates.”

“Every other date. I get to pick half the dates, and trust me, depending on what you pick for us to do... I will match your hell-date and raise it to nightmare status.” He starts to argue, and I make a move to slide out of the booth.

“You can only push me so far, Paxton.”

“All right!” He narrows his eyes. “Whatever date idea I suggest, you’re not allowed to argue.”

“Likewise. And remember whose sister I am.” My sister had to plan out a publicity campaign for Mason, and she made Mason wear a series of increasingly embarrassing costumes at a children’s hospital. I think the rooster costume may have been her most inspired creation. They still make cock jokes in front of me, and everyone else, all the time, much to my embarrassment.

He nods at me and shoves another fry in his mouth. “Let the games begin.”

12

PAXTON

The locker room, as usual, smells like sweat and old jockstraps. Doesn’t matter how well the cleaning crew goes over it. I’m used to it. It smells like home to me now.

In twenty minutes, a few of us will be running drills. It’s not an official practice as we’re off season but I’m itching to get to it. That Stanley Cup loss still stings, always will, and I’m determined to make this year the winningest ever.

I’m sitting on the bench examining my skates, which I just sharpened. I’m very particular about my skates.

Right wing Knox Harper is standing over by the lockers talking to Noah Walsh, a left defenseman, and goalie Logan Long.

All three of them have been giving me funny looks ever since I showed up. I’m sure it’s because of my announcement about Ruby. None of them have asked me about it, though, which is good, because my best answer would be, “It’s complicated.”

Their skeptical side-eye is nothing on the grilling I got from both my mother and my father yesterday as soon as they heard the news.

Of course, my mother crowed triumphantly, with a lot of “I told you so” bombs lobbed in my general direction. I spent half an hour trying to talk her down while she practically picked out names for her new grandkids. I know she’s mentally decorating the rooms of my imaginary children right now.

Then my father got on the phone, alternately lecturing me about not leading this girl on and how Saul men treat women with respect, thank you very much, and then worrying that she might be trying to get pregnant with my child-support baby and actually trying to make sure that I understand how birth control works.

Well, that wasn’t mortifying at all.

Even worse was when he offered to mail me condoms. Said he knows how expensive it is to live in New York.

That part made my blood heat with frustration and anger. It’s humiliating when he talks to me like that, like I’ve accomplished nothing in my career. He thinks I can’t afford condoms? Do I need to send him a copy of one of my endorsement checks?

I’m tempted to call up my brothers and ask if he ever offered to send them condoms, but I’m afraid they would literally die laughing if I had to explain myself. And then then I’d have to kick their asses next time I see them, and it just wouldn’t end well.

I’m actually a little worried about how upset my mother is going to be when Ruby and I “break up” in a few months. I don’t want her to be an accidental casualty of this fakery. Then again, I have the right to date someone and break things off, don’t I? I mean, it happens.

“Hey, man...” I glance up and see Knox standing over me. “So, uh... you and Ruby, huh? Are you sure that’s the best idea?”

“What do you mean?” I narrow my eyes at him. “You don’t like Ruby?”

I can be pissed at her all I want, but I don’t like it when anyone else says anything negative about her.

“Of course I like Ruby. We all like Ruby.” He gestures at Logan and Noah, who are listening in and who both nod in agreement.

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