Page 51 of My Worst Pucking Enemy

After that there are another couple of comics. While they’re doing their bits, people come up to us asking Paxton for autographs and pictures, which he graciously provides.

I order another drink and nurse it, in a mildly annoyed funk. Tonight is not entirely shaping up how I’d hoped, although the comics are all very talented.

By the time the show’s over, Paxton’s wearing a huge grin and he’s signed about a hundred autographs, and now people are wanting to take pictures of us together. Paxton throws his arm around my waist, pulling me up against him. His solid, muscular body feels so good that I forget myself for a moment and lean in against him. We fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle.

“You guys are perfect for each other. Reminds me of me and my wife when we first started dating,” a heavyset man says. His wife, visibly pregnant, beams a look of pure love at him.

“That is so sweet. Isn’t that sweet, honeybuns?” Paxton smirks at me.

“The sweetest.” I smile back up at him but manage to flash a murderous look at the same time. Paxton turns his attention to the happy married couple.

Jeez, I hope their relationship isn’t like ours—fake, and with an expiration date.

“What’s the baby’s name going to be?” Paxton asks.

“Well, you know, we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl yet, but we were going to ask. Would you mind if it’s a boy, we gave the middle name of Paxton, and if it’s a girl, we gave the middle name of Ruby?” the wife asks eagerly. “My name is Sarah Jane, by the way, and my husband is Herman.”

Oh, lord. I don’t want them to pick out names based on a lie. I mean, at least it’s just the middle names, but still...

And all I can do is smile and gush. “That’s so flattering, guys. Oh my gosh. How incredibly sweet. You don’t have to do that.”

Really, don’t.

“Isn’t she just the best?” Paxton beams his huge smile at everyone.

“Well, if you ever get tired of her, I’m single,” one drunk lady giggles. I tense up.

“Hey, back off of them,” Herman growls at them. “Show some respect for their relationship.” The drunk lady shoots him a dirty look, then looks hopefully at Paxton, who’s ignoring her.

I don’t actually care, of course. I just don’t want to be made a fool of in public.

Paxton signs an autograph for Herman and Sarah Jane, and then steers me towards the bar. “Last drink before we head out,” he says. He walks over to place an order.

Dick sidles up to me, pulls out his wallet, and hands me back the hundred-dollar bill. “That was my most popular bit ever,” he says. “I’m going to work it into my new act. No payment necessary.”

“Glad it worked out for you,” I tell him, and then I turn around and run right into Paxton.

“I saw that,” he smirks.

I narrow my eyes at him. “You saw nothing.”

“I’ve got twenty-twenty vision, sweetie honey pooh bear.”

I shrug. “Okay, he was giving me his phone number. He’s in love with me. I drive men mad with desire.” I flip my hair back out of my face.

“I’m sure that’s true for some men.” Rude. He leans in. “I also heard what he said.”

I wince. “Oh.”

“Yes, oh. For the record, he’s mildly good at chirping, for an amateur, but I was trash-talked better than that the first time I laced up my skates. Hell, our coach chirps better than us. And tonight was the most fun I’ve had in ages.”

I glare at him in outrage. “How dare you.”

He leans in and grins at me, holding up the drink he just bought for me. “Not only that, I bet our next date will be even more fun.”

He’s got nerve, insulting me like that. “Kids who play with fire end up getting burned,” I warn him. I grab my drink from him and down half of it in one gulp.

14

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