Page 140 of Mr. Monroe

After my shower, I felt right with the world again. Well, somewhat, anyway. I had no idea how I would deal with any of my problems, but I knew I would mentally divide and conquer. Or whatever. I was just going to focus on the things that made me feel good right now and not the things that made me feel upset, sorry for myself, or defeated.

I got out the blow dryer and pulled my oversized round brush through my hair, focusing on my gratitude. My brother was so healthy, stable, and happy that I couldn’t believe this was not a dream. But it wasn’t, and I wouldn’t allow a negative light to shine on my brother’s victory, lasting more than three days in a rehab facility.

I couldn’t imagine how spun out he’d be if he’d found out everything without being sober: the news about our dad and me being knocked up by the first guy I ever allowed to stay in my life for longer than a night. I was primarily thankful he was sober because I needed my brother by my side this time to have someone to grieve the loss of our mother and move on from our childhood trauma.

I still wasn’t sure about Spencer. My knee-jerk reaction was to see him, hug him, and make everything right again, but I understood it wouldn’t be easy.

I flipped the blow dryer off, placed it on the counter, and turned to leave the bathroom.

“Bree?” I said, hearing her giddy laugh from just outside my room.

“Right here, babe,” she answered, peeking inside the door. “Trying to get these boys out to the pool for swimming lessons.”

“Okay, well,” I said, tapping the back of my makeup brush against my teeth, “I was going to see Spencer, I think?”

She looked down the hall, “Alex, I have Albert right here. Take him out to the pool, please?”

“On it,” I heard Alex answer her while Bree stepped into my room. “Are you sure that’s something you want to do right now?”

I grinned. “After hearing you snap your fingers and having Alex come running to take over children’s duties for you, yes, I’m quite confident that’s exactly what I want to do.”

She rolled her eyes at me. “I’m serious,” she answered. “Let’s go get some drinks, maybe? Celebrate your brother doing well.”

“Have you lost your damn mind?”

“No, going to see Spencer on emotions of excitement is you losing your damn mind.”

“Unless I want my unborn child to have serious issues, I think it’s best I stay away from the drinks to celebrate shit with you girls.”

“Oh,” she laughed. “God, this has been quite the afternoon. Alex got home early, and then the swim coaches showed up to the house early—”

“Well, there you have it. Everyone is punctual and early, and I’m late to leave. I’m not sure if I’m going to see Spencer, but—”

“He’s gone, Nat,” Bree said.

“Gone, as in?”

“As in left the country last night, from what Jim told Alex. Something to do with settling the last of his estate with his family. I have no idea?”

“When will he be back?”

“Not sure,” Bree answered.

“Well, fine. I’ll fly to Italy,” I answered, driven to see him again. “I need to talk to him, Breanne, and don’t look at me as if I’m your child, dammit.”

Bree’s expression softened, “I understand. I guess I wouldn’t be able to rest if I were you, either. I just wonder if you’ve forgiven him. I’m confused.”

“Of course, you’re confused,” I grinned, “because you want us to get back together. I mean, I don’t know whether I’ve forgiven him.” I opened the darkened drapes, allowing light into the room, “Well, that’s not entirely true. I think the issue is that I don’t know if I can trust him.”

“Then why are you so determined to see him in Italy?”

“Most people like to thank the person who helped their brother overcome years of addiction in person. That center has helped Shane, but I think the catalyst for Shane putting himself first was that Spencer cared and believed in him. I just want to thank him.”

“Then call him,” she nodded toward where my phone sat on the end table on a charge.

“Why?” I said with irritation. “Listen, I’m pretty much unemployed now, and I may as well start looking for employment opportunities anyway. Perhaps living overseas would be a good change for me and a healthy start for the little one?”

Bree’s eyes widened. “Okay, hold it. I think it’s best I leave you to decide everything independently. Trying to get you to slow down on seeing Spencer before you’ve thought things through has pushed you into hyperdrive, planning a move across the ocean. All that within the span of the ten minutes we’ve taken to discuss this.”

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