Page 116 of Mr. Monroe

“Being a controlling sociopath doesn’t put your ass too high on the everlasting relationship scale,” Jim said.

I turned back to the men, my frustration apparent because I knew they weren’t getting it.

“I wasn’t controlling fucking anything, man,” I said with defeat.

“How is it not controlling to take the resolution of their deep-seated issues into your own hands? Did they ask you to do this for them? Seriously, Spence?” Jim questioned with a genuine look of confusion. “What the fuck were you thinking, doing this without Nat’s knowledge? I could understand if she knew about it, but it’s pretty insulting and intrusive to go behind her back, regardless of whether your heart was in the right place.”

“You’re right,” I conceded, knowing they were right. “It was an absolute dick move on my part, even if it wasn’t intended to be. I truly had my heart in the right place; I swear to God, I did.”

“No doubt about that,” Alex said with a smile. I’m sure he was surprised they got through my stubbornness quicker than anticipated.

“We know your heart was in the right place,” Jake said. “Your brain just fucking wasn’t.”

“And it bit you in the ass,” Jim added. “Now, we’re going to help you fix this shit.”

“How the hell do you plan on doing that?” I questioned, sincerely wondering how I could ever regain Nat’s trust. How many times had I told her I’d be patient? Instead of waiting for her to come around and initiate things on her own, I bypassed her completely and told myself I was doing it for her and Shane.

“That’s a hard one,” Alex said. “You know my story, right? My father inflicted untold abuse on me, and I buried that trauma deeply for self-protection. Then, when that trauma and all the memories came bubbling up, it nearly knocked me on my ass. It takes a lot of mental work even to begin to accept things, and only then can we move forward. I’m still working on it every day, and if Nat’s dad was anything like mine, she needs your support, not control disguised as help.”

“Jesus Christ,” I said. “There’s no way I can make this right or fix what I’ve done. I can’t even imagine what Natalia is going through after hearing about her parents like that. Then, my betrayal to top it off. I’ve been so ashamed of how everything unfolded that I haven’t even attempted to reach out to her. I can’t imagine she’d have anything to say to me anyway, so I buried myself in trying to bring down Heidi.”

“It’s called hiding from your issues,” Jim said. “And while you’ve been hiding, Bree and Elena have been working with Nat to deal with what her father has done.”

“I should’ve been there for her,” I said.

“Uh, no,” Alex said. “You’re pretty much an enemy at this point. You’ll have to pray that Nat can deal with this shit, get through it, and then forgive you. Then, hopefully, if she is willing to trust you again, she can determine if she wants to be with you.”

“Fucking facts,” I admitted. “I would never forgive this shit.”

“Now we’re getting a little somewhere with a lesson in humility,” Jim said with a grin.

“How can you smile?” I said.

“Because I’ve been through it.” He pointed his thumb at Alex, “This dipshit has been through it, too. We’ve all been through it.”

“I believe mine is worse. Unforgivable.”

“That’s relative,” Jim answered. “Everyone is different, and every situation is different. Trust is a hard fucking thing, and when it’s broken, you need divine intervention to help put those pieces back together.”

“The good news is this,” Alex said. “You and Nat are barely learning how to navigate a relationship. Things were just starting to move forward, and sometimes, issues must arise so you guys can figure shit out together. There’s a chance this can work.”

“Yeah. Right,” I said, as hopeless as I felt.

“You’re going to have to apologize, but first, her friends need to help her not to bolt out of the room at the mention of your name,” Jim said.

“I’ll call or text her,” I said, unlocking my phone.

“Hold up,” Alex intervened. “Don’t be stupid. Do you want her to forgive you or hate you?”

“I have to say something.”

“You missed the chance to get cussed out for that apology about a week ago,” Alex said. “That ship has sailed, buddy. Going silent fucked you on that opportunity. So now you have to wait until she can handle the thought of you before you apologize. She can start the process of her hating you then.”

“There’s a possibility she won’t hate you,” Jim said. “She may even listen to what you have to say. But, for now, this is how you need to work your way back.”

“I’m not sure,” I said, leaning forward in my chair. “The more I acknowledge how this looks, hiring a PI to dig into the issues my new girlfriend was too embarrassed to talk about, the worse I feel.” I shook my head and stared at my hands, “It’s so messed up. There’s honestly no way I can get her to trust me after this. How will she believe I was ultimately doing this to help her and Shane move forward and put that bastard behind them?”

“That’s exactly how you’re going to fix this. You’re going to help them mend it all. A man who truly loves a woman will stick by her side, even if she hates him for fucking shit up. Your heart was in the right place; your mind just wasn’t at the time. If your heart is telling you to help them, then listen to it.”

---