Page 93 of Dr. Brandt

I wanted to laugh, but my head just wasn’t fucking there. “Tell me what happened. I’m sure Jessa is either talking to Ash about it, or she just fucking hates all of us for this.”

“Get out of your head, man,” Jake said. “Seriously, I don’t want to say who gives a fuck if she hates everyone or not, but I fucking will. You are no good to her or your son if you start with that. You wouldn’t allow angry parents to make your decisions any other time, so don’t start now. Do not let emotions take over. We’ll all take care of Jessa while you make the decisions that need to be made for your son.”

“Right,” I said, closing my eyes. Jessa would be fine. She was just processing this fluke occurrence as best she could. “Nothing indicated to me that something like this could happen, even after his seizures became more frequent.”

“Of course not. You couldn’t have known this would happen any more than I could know one of my patients would have a spontaneous heart attack. We do the best we can with the information given to us. We can’t predict whether an anomaly will occur. We’re not God, and you know that. Do not do this to yourself.”

“Yeah, well, I don’t know,” I said, sighing.

“You know Collin has your back on this too. That fucker had to hold his wife’s brain in his hands and cut. He also didn’t ask to be in the position you will likely be in soon, and you better not push him away if he offers advice.”

That pissed me off. “Why would I push away one of my best friends?”

“Because I can hear it in your voice, Cam. You’re fucking scared, and you’re spinning. That mindset will fuck you, and the next thing you know, you’ve pushed everyone away,” Jake said. “Now, let’s get back to why you’re blaming yourself for going on vacation before you talked this kid into having this surgery.”

Jake wasn’t wrong. I could already feel myself wanting to isolate, which wouldn’t be in my or Jackson’s best interest.

“I get it, Jake. There was no stopping this from happening, and vacation or not, Jessa and Jacks were not ready to go through with this surgery.”

“Which is why Collin and I were working on Jacks while you were gone,” Jake said. “Now, would you like to hear something positive?”

“Yes,” I said.

“That boy of yours is just as crazy as you are. On a fucking bet, he told Collin and me that he would be having surgery to prove he could throw a ball with his left hand if he had to.”

“You’re shitting me. Was he serious, or was he just fucking with you two?”

“Collin told him stories about his patients who should have had this surgery but couldn’t because of their age. Sad fucking stories, but they made Jacks want to seize the opportunity instead of squandering it through indecision.”

I felt tears fill my eyes, wishing I’d gone to Collin before. “I should’ve thought about doing that sooner,” I said, feeling my voice crack.

“Should’ve thought of what, having me and Col use our genius minds to help your sorry ass out?” Jake said, trying to change the tone of this conversation. “Shoulda, woulda, coulda, Cam. You know better than that.”

I chuckled. “Yeah, I know. I know,” I said, leaning back in my leather chair. “I need to get my head straight and drill down how I will proceed now that he’s in a coma.”

“Yeah, he dropped right before we got in the car to go to his appointment. By the time the ambulance arrived, and after his third seizure in under six minutes had rendered him unconscious, I feared the worst.”

“Fuck, man. Never in a million fucking years would I have imagined such a massive electrical storm.”

“I did the Glasgow with Collin over the phone while waiting for EMS to arrive, and Collin rated him a five due to pupil dilation and his unresponsiveness. EMS got him on oxygen, though, and even though they were shallow breaths, I sensed he was breathing well enough for oxygen to enter his brain.”

“I’m praying that I don’t find any damage when the tests come back,” I said, feeling nauseated by this nightmare.

Maybe I wasn’t cut out for this? Perhaps I’d grown too attached to Jackson, and I didn’t have what it took to be his surgeon. I sure as fuck wouldn’t ordinarily be this emotional with such a small amount of information on a patient. And that scared the shit out of me.

“Just get your ass down here. Word is buzzing through all the residents and surgeons, so you’ll have plenty of help at your disposal should you need it. Collin is on call tonight, and you know he’ll sneak down to the pediatric ward to lend you some of his wisdom.”

“Got it. We’re landing soon, so I’ll get off the phone and get my head straight.”

“We’re all here for you and Jessa, brother. You better fucking know that.”

“I know, and thank you,” I said.

I needed to check on Jessa. I nearly came undone when she said she was going to call her ex. Did I screw things up that bad? I needed her to know that these occurrences were uncommon. I would’ve pressed harder for the surgery if I knew this would happen. I would’ve scared the fuck out of her and Jacks with this specific nightmare scenario if I thought it was a possibility.

I couldn’t let myself feel guilty. I would not allow a freak incident to force a very frightened Jessa into making me believe this was my fault.

The worst part was that I was putting thoughts and words into Jessa’s mouth that she hadn’t relayed to me.

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