Page 65 of Dr. Brandt

“Don’t be hard on yourself. She was hurt, man. And she’s got a shitload of stuff with Jackson on her plate. You have to respect that. Give her time.”

“Yeah, well, fuck,” I said. I felt that dark loneliness that creep up on me again. “How am I supposed to prove I won’t hurt her like that again? It was sixteen years ago.”

“I won’t sit here and tell you this will be easy. It seemed like it took me a damn lifetime to work through all my issues enough to attempt anything with Avery again. I did a lot of necessary work on myself.”

“But you guys weren’t broken up for sixteen years. She doesn’t even know the man that I am now. I’m certainly not the same fucking idiot she dated years ago who took off on a whim, you know?”

“You know the woman better than I do, so I can’t necessarily guide you in that area. But I can tell you that I know the feeling you’re weighted down with, and it made my ass physically ill. After watching her storm out of my office that day, I shut down and hid behind my job. I blamed it all on her, everything. At that point, I wasn’t good to anyone, especially myself. Seeing you earlier reminded me of myself. I was angry at everyone and everything, throwing a billionaire’s kid, spoiled brat fit.”

“The fuck I was,” I said, half joking, half serious. “My dad never let me get away with that shit. Of course, your father didn’t put up with that either.”

“No, that’s not what I mean,” he said as he shook his head. “We’ve lived most of our adult lives believing that the names Brandt and Mitchell owe us something like we deserve material things with no effort. That’s why we fucked women, no strings attached, and left them like they were inevitably always going to do whatever we wanted.”

“Do you think that’s what I did with Jessa?”

He shrugged. “How should I know, dude? We weren’t good friends then,” he laughed. “But if you thought she’d be fine with you running off to pursue your dream, regardless of what she wanted, because your perfect life was owed to you, then yes.”

“Damn, you’re fucking good,” I said. “I work with therapists all day, and I would’ve never seen it that way.”

“I’m not that good,” he laughed and took another sip of his drink. “I told you, I lived it with Avery. I hadn’t treated her like the treasure she is because I’d always gotten what I wanted whenever I wanted it. When all you have to do is snap your fingers to get things, it makes you start to dehumanize people without realizing it.”

I exhaled, “I have no idea how to get her back. I don’t have the words. I have no idea what the fuck to say.”

“Whatever you do, don’t overthink it. She’ll be out of your life before you blink if you do. Hell, that ex-fiancé may come back, thinking he has all the right words, and kick you to the curb if you’re not careful.”

“Warren?” I rolled my eyes, “That idiot fucked shit up for good, I think.”

“Like I said, don’t think. You need to act. Follow your gut. If you feel a desire to talk or show her how you feel, do it. She wouldn’t be on this trip if she had no interest in you. I’m damn sure she doesn’t see your sexy ass as a good buddy, either.”

“The point of this trip is for me to come out of this with a sound opinion on Jacks,” I said.

“She could’ve stepped back and let the boy be observed in a more controlled environment.” He arched an eyebrow at me, “Trust me on this. Go where you’re being led, and know it won’t be easy. If you truly love this woman, you’ll have patience with her, and you won’t rush it. Respect the fact that you hurt her, and you may get hurt too.”

“I don’t know if I can handle this kind of fucking pain.”

“I’m sure she felt the same way when you left her,” he said. “And then she found out she was pregnant.”

“Shit.” My heart sank. I was acting like a little bitch. There was no way I could waltz back into Jessa’s life, thinking this second chance was owed to me. I was going about this wrong, and it all made more sense now.

“I heard a therapist once say that hurt people hurt people,” I said, staring down at my bourbon. “She’s going to hurt me, or I’m going to hurt her.”

“As I said, stop fucking thinking. If you think about all the ways to go about this, you’ll miss this door while it’s open. Appreciate the opportunity to be in each other’s lives again. Let the past stay where it fucking belongs, in the past. Move from there, and you’ll be fine. Be the boy’s doctor; until she permits you to be more to her, be her friend. Don’t be the ex, and don’t you dare try to make a cheap move and be her man.”

“Cheap move?”

“Yes, it’s cheap because you’re asking her to trust you the way we entitled assholes think we deserve. Getting another shot isn’t owed to you because you were careless the first time. She’s a human being who trusted you with her heart once already. Jessa has every right to reject you from now until forever for what you’ve done, so ease up.” Jim laughed. “Trust me. I’ve been where you’re at, and I know that void you’re feeling.”

“Funny, I hadn’t felt this void until yesterday. I was fucking content until now.”

Jim grinned, “It’s because your sorry ass figured out that everything is meaningless without love.” He stood when a staff member approached. “At least you’ve discovered that you have a fucking heart.”

My eyebrows rose as I sighed. I thought becoming a pediatric neurosurgeon was fucking hard, but I had a feeling that if I wanted Jessa’s heart back, it would take patience and time. Lucky for me, patience was my middle name.

“They’re arriving, sir. Lunch will be served inside due to the storm heading our way. The captain said the ship will be fine where we’re anchored in this part of the bay if you or Dr. Mitchell would like to remain aboard.”

“I’ll speak with Dr. Mitchell and the rest of the group. If we aren’t looking at rough seas in the bay, I believe the plans were to stay aboard for the night,” Jim answered and turned to me. “You good with that?”

“I’ll see what Jessa wants to do.”

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