Page 59 of Dr. Brandt

She licked her lips, and I ran my bottom lip between my teeth, holding back my sudden craving and desire to kiss this woman.

“For helping Jacks with his seizure today. Your friends, too. All of you were great.” She stopped walking and turned to face me. The blanket was wrapped tightly around her, and she held it just beneath her neck. She looked past me to the ocean, studying something beyond the white-capped waves as they rolled into shore.

“You know, Warren would’ve let that ruin our entire trip. And his friends would’ve never invited us out again. It’s happened more times than I care to admit.”

My face fell. I was pissed at what she’d proclaimed, but more than that, I was saddened by it. I suddenly felt like I’d abandoned the most beautiful soul in the entire world for my selfish interests. She and Jackson would’ve never had to endure that if I’d only stayed.

“I should’ve never left you,” I blurted out again.

I’d said it for what seemed like the hundredth time. Did it even mean anything to her at this point? I wasn’t sure she knew how serious I was; maybe that’s why it was so easy for her to move on from the subject.

“Don’t,” she said with determination.

“No. I won’t have you push me away for that. It’s how I left you; that’s why you never told me about our son, Jessa. I put you in a horrible position, and it wasn’t just by getting you pregnant and leaving. It was my selfish bullshit that stopped you from interfering with my life. I’m sorry for that from the bottom of my heart. I truly am.”

I reached out for her soft face and thanked God she didn’t push me away. My eyes followed where the back of my fingers traced along her soft cheeks, and my heart picked up, feeling a jolt of energy course through my hand as I touched her.

“I forgave you long ago for texting me after you left.” Her breath caught, and I could tell this tender moment was doing the same things to her as it was to me. “Let’s leave it in the past,” she said, her face leaning into my hand.

“I never finished loving you, baby,” I said, meaning every word that came out of my mouth and somehow feeling like I had permission to call her that again.

“Please.” Her eyes closed, and as I bent to kiss her, I noticed a frown on her lips. Then, her eyes reopened. “Please, don’t do this,” she pleaded with tear-filled eyes.

“I will not break your heart again; I promise you. Jessa, please give me another chance. I have no idea what hit me today, but I feel like my family has come home. I never felt like I wasn’t whole before until being with you and my son today.” I smiled at her expression as it began to soften. “Being on this silly birthday trip, I know that you and Jackson—” I shook my head, mentally begging myself to explain this feeling to her correctly. “God, I don’t know how to say this, but this all feels right. I’ve had a void in my soul and didn’t realize it until I spent this time with both of you. I’ve never needed anything in my life as much as I need you and my son, Jessa.”

She studied me for a moment, then her hand traced along my jaw as she examined my eyes. “Cameron,” she shook her head, “these emotions are probably coming from being around your friends and their families, knowing that Jacks is your son. And the guilt that you feel for leaving me piled on top of that is amplifying it. It’s probably some weird, parent high you’re on or something. It will go away.”

I shook my head. “Don’t tell me how I’m feeling. This isn’t some fleeting thought. I feel it deeper than anything I’ve ever known. Please don’t push me away.”

She chewed on her bottom lip and shook her head while studying the ocean again. “It’s not just my heart you’ll break this time; it’s Jackson’s too.”

“Do you think I don’t know that? I wouldn’t dare hurt that boy, and I swear to God, I’ll never lose you again if you give me the chance to prove I’m a better man.”

She walked past me, then turned back and smiled. My chest tightened with anticipation that I was doing this too hard and too fast. I could quickly lose her by speaking every thought I was suddenly feeling. This was very abrupt, but something told me that I had to speak up now or I never would.

This was my moment of truth, and I only hoped she would answer by allowing me to try and prove that my words matched what was in my heart and soul.

Chapter Twenty-Six

Jessa

Today, everything seemed to take a different turn. For the first time, I saw Cameron not only as Jacks’s surgeon but also as a dad. I’d already been fixated on how lovely it was for all of us to be here together, how natural it felt, and those feelings intensified when Cam sprang into action to help Jacks during his seizure during lunch.

I couldn’t get up from my seat fast enough to help Jacks when the episode started, but Cam—who was in mid-conversation about Jake’s yacht coming into the bay tonight—stopped everything and bolted around the table, catching my son before he could hit the floor. In the flawless art of not missing a thing, Cam was rolling Jacks onto his side, concealing him from people watching him convulse and gently talking him through it.

I saw past the doctor in Cameron at that moment. He was trained to help in these situations, but I saw that he did so this time with the compassion and concern of a father. There was no mistaking the difference, and I noticed it immediately because I’d been waiting for someone to treat Jackson with that tender consideration for his entire life.

A gust of icy wind blew up, bringing my attention back to Cameron’s soulful gaze.

“Don’t do this, Jessa,” he said, some frustration in his tone. “Don’t push me away.”

I shook my head. “I need to focus on Jacks and decide about this surgery,” I said, feeling my motherly instincts kick in to protect me from the reckless decision of rekindling a romance with the handsome doctor who could have any woman he wanted. “You need to get your thoughts away from trying to be in our lives for more than just Jackson’s surgery.”

I was harsh, but I had to be. Nothing about this walk on the beach had warranted conjuring a love that had fallen apart the day he left me. I could not get caught up after a simple trip to that aquarium, nor could I continue thinking about Cameron fitting the bill as Jackson’s father today.

It was a relief to have an epilepsy specialist be in our presence when Jackson went down, and it was wonderful to be in the presence of a man who didn’t let the seizure ruin his entire day. But that’s it. That’s all this was. No more and no less, and I wasn’t getting swept up in some fantasy land.

“Will you ever forgive me, or am I doomed forever for hurting you so badly?”

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