“A chance at the all-star games next year. To go back into sports without fearing something will happen and trigger a seizure again. Anything but having to probably learn to walk again.”
“Mom,” Jackson rose and took his mother into his arms as I stood across from them and watched silently. Their bond reminded me of what I shared with my mother before she died.
As I watched them, I felt helpless. I wanted to be there for them, a supportive helpmate for Jessa or a father to Jackson, but I was the one delivering the bad news. Instead of being able to comfort them, I was forcing them to feel like they only had each other.
This was a strange feeling that I didn’t like at all. I could only stand there and observe and wish I had the luxury of holding them in this time of need.
Jackson needed this surgery, and I knew that. The clock was ticking, and it was only a matter of when, not if, the seizures would take over, and then he wouldn’t have this fighting chance. It was my duty to ask the only questions that mattered right now.
“I know this isn’t easy news to hear,” I started, listening to Jessica sniff and pull herself together to take me head-on. “But as these electrical storms and these epileptic seizures continue, the good and healthy side of Jackson’s brain will struggle to develop further. So, it is vital that we use what time he has left in the still-developing brain to allow his right hemisphere to train itself to develop and do the job of both hemispheres. You both need to know and understand that things will get progressively worse if we don’t take the luxury of operating soon.”
“Luxury?” Jessa spat.
“Luxury,” I answered her. “Most doctors find these issues when it’s too late. By then, the patient is disabled because things progressively worsen with age. I’d say we found this just in time. This will no longer be an option within a year or so, and then he’ll be facing a lifetime of these seizures.”
Something softened in Jessica, almost as if I were suddenly speaking her language. I don’t know what triggered the change, but I was damn grateful she appeared more receptive, and there seemed to be a fighting chance.
“If Jackson wishes to investigate this further, we will want to see these videos and look at all the available information. Also, if Jackson wants to meet with your patient, I will gladly support him.” She looked at her son. “My first instinct is to say no to this and pray we can find another way, but I know that reaction comes from my fear. You and I have looked for quite a long time and prayed for answers, and though it’s not the answer I want, Jackson, this isn’t my life. It’s yours, and I want you to live it to the fullest no matter what. Cameron is right; this is your journey, not mine. I will support whatever decision you make and the direction you want to take.”
“Well,” Jackson briskly rubbed his mom’s arms, “you will have to support the decision because I’m still a minor and on your insurance.”
“Jacks,” she playfully punched his arm, “I’m serious. Yes, you’re a minor, but at times you have the decision-making skills of a wise adult. I want you to take some time to think about this, though.”
“We’ll watch the pieces that Dr. Brandt recommended, and we’ll speak with his patient. Trust me, I’m taking my time before I decide to unplug any part of my brain.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes, then he looked at me, the buffoon standing there watching this moment as if I were outside, looking through a window at the two most important people in my life. “Let’s finish discussing the details of this surgery and the odds I’m up against. And then we’ll move forward.
I would do anything for them, and as I let that warm and fuzzy feeling wash over me, a man was ushered into the conference room and introduced as Jessa’s fiancé.
Chapter Fourteen
Jessa
When Warren walked into the conference room, I realized something: I didn’t have time for his games. A few days ago, maybe part of me would’ve been relieved to see him—the man who was supposed to be an anchor during hard times—but today, I wanted to shoo him away like a fly. He was a distraction, and I was very much annoyed by him.
My son was facing a life-changing surgery, and I needed to be on top of my decision-making game. I needed to focus on how to counsel Jacks as we headed into unfamiliar territory, forced to make a decision that no one would ever want to. An impossible choice.
Warren had the nerve to make this all about our relationship when we spoke on the phone, and now he decided to show up like nothing had happened. I could hardly stand to look at him.
“So, what exactly are we looking at here, Doc?” Warren asked Cameron as the rest of us stared at Warren silently, wondering where the hell he’d manifested himself from as he took a seat.
“As I informed Jackson and his mother, the left hemisphere of Jackson’s brain is what is complicating things for him.” Cameron didn’t skip a beat, and I was grateful. “Medication will not prevent this hemisphere from remaining in this state, and his seizures will worsen. Fortunately, this isn’t the first time I have seen this issue; it’s what is known as hemispheric cortical dysplasia. I was able to encourage a trusted neurologist to look for that while we studied the scans I ordered.”
“So, that’s why Jacks’s other pediatric neurologists couldn’t find this?” Warren said, nodding as if he understood perfectly. “This is a bit overwhelming, I must admit.” Warren smiled across the table at Jacks and me. “How are you feeling about it, son?”
Son?
I wanted to roll my eyes into the back of my head.
I looked at Cameron—knowing Jackson was his son—and wondered how that comment made him feel. Maybe I shouldn’t have cared. Jackson is his biological son, and that’s it. Since I last spoke to Cam about Jacks being his, Cameron had been in some distant-doctor mode, which was perfectly fine. The only thing I needed from Cameron was his expertise in epilepsy and for him to help Jacks. That was it.
However hard I pushed that rationale into my mind, it didn’t stop me from staring at the good doctor’s facial expressions and noticing that he’d given no sign that he was bothered by Warren’s statement.
“I’m nervous. I want to meet the patients who’ve had this surgery and hear how they dealt with it.” Jacks reached under the table for my hands, which were clasped into fists on my lap. “And you’re going to speak with the parents, Mom. You’re trying to put on this strong, brave front, and I can see right through it.”
I grinned at him, and all the drama in the room faded. It was just Jacks and me, and that’s all that mattered.
“I will definitely need to do that.” I smiled, released my hands from the death clutch, and held my son’s. “I want you better, living the life you deserve, but the solutions to get you on that path are quite overwhelming.”
“It is all very overwhelming,” Cam said in a soft, non-doctor tone. He exhaled with a casual smile, and I could tell he wanted to say more but didn’t. “All right, I think Warren is up to speed a bit,” he nodded at Warren to confirm before glancing at his smartwatch. “Right now, the rest of my surgical team is arriving. I’d like to have my secretary send them in.” He looked over at Jacks. “These guys are going to make you feel a bit better about your decision to trust your brain in my hands,” He winked and grinned at Jacks, both men sharing the same expression.