Page 119 of Dr. Brandt

“Perhaps you and Jake can play these dumb games until the end of time, but my ass can’t.”

“Speaking of your ass,” Collin said, shifting his leather briefcase in his hand and loosening his tie, “any progress with Jessa?”

I sighed. “No,” I answered truthfully. “None at all. Amazingly enough, I haven’t been laid and have been single for an entire fucking year. I’ve got no idea how I’m doing this.”

Collin smirked, “That’s why your hands have been smooth as butter. It’s all that lotion in the late hours of that night.”

“Shut the hell up,” I said, having become way too accustomed to helping myself out these days. “I feel stuck on this one. I don’t want to pressure her, but I don’t know where she is with wanting relationships anymore. She seems like she is so happy not being in one.”

“Why don’t you ask her?” Collin said. “I swear, you’ve gone soft.”

“I’m not pressuring her. I’m just looking to see if there’s any progress between us.”

“Jacks mentioned something about you guys going to dinner tonight before his driver’s test tomorrow,” Collin said as we walked to the physicians’ parking garage together. “That’s progress, I think?”

I stopped before entering the structure and ran my hand through my hair in frustration, “I can’t find an angle in. She’s closed off, and I swear she friend-zoned my ass months ago after she bought that piece of shit car.”

“Friend zone, my ass,” Collin said. “And what is it with that damn station wagon and her anyway?”

“God knows,” I said, having wanted that answer since the day she proudly pulled that thing up to my beach house to pick up Jacks in it.

“She reminds me of Bella, being all proud of that piece of fucking crap truck her dad bought her when she had to go live with him,” Collin said.

“Who the fuck is Bella? An ex-girlfriend of yours?”

“That chick from Twilight,” Collin said as if I knew what the hell he was talking about.

“Is that a bar?”

“Jesus, dude,” Collin said as if I’d missed something in life that I should’ve known about. “Well, I can’t fault you for not knowing. Unfortunately, you are quite dumb when it comes to making a woman want you.”

“Again, completely lost,” I said.

“You know, Twilight. It’s that teenage vampire shit. Either way, Bella drove me fucking crazy with that goddamn truck. She insisted on driving that rust bucket when her boyfriend could’ve bought her a new car. It’s stupid, right?”

“He had plenty of money, too. He was a fucking vampire!” Jake’s voice resounded from behind me.

I looked at him with even more confusion. “You guys are fucking with me, right?” I said with a laugh. “Sorry, I missed the Twilight craze; however, I’m shocked you two did not.”

Collin traded some knowingly amused expression with Jake, “Hey, the way to a lady’s heart is through her mind, and if she’s in love with, let’s say vampire novels, and she wants to discuss that shit at the end of the day during pillow talk time, you fucking do it.”

“Do you know how many times I got laid after agreeing with Ash that Edward was acting like a bitch in that book?” Jake said.

“Which one, first or second?” Collin answered.

“Or third or fourth? Eclipse was like peak bitch,” Jake said as Collin nodded knowingly. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I’m team Jacob or anything.”

“It’s cool, dude. The Quileute—” Collin started, these two obviously forgetting I was standing here.

“Can we honestly?” I said. “I mean, if you guys want to talk book clubs, please, go ahead. I’m trying to figure out how to get my girl back. It’s been a goddamn year.”

Jake gripped my shoulder. “Easily answered, man,” he said, smiling at me. “Stop acting like a bitch and communicate.”

“We do communicate,” I answered. “Like fucking friends.”

“Then it’s time to put your balls on the table and communicate more. Make a better fucking effort, and tell her you want more,” Collin said. “Seriously, be a man about it.”

“Not a vampire, obviously,” Jake added under his breath, amusing himself immensely.

---