Page 126 of Dr. Brandt

I sounded like a desperate idiot, but I was dead set on this.

“Honestly, Jessa, I need you in my life. You and Jacks are my family. You both belong here with me. Make my life complete and become my wife, baby.”

“I should send you a thumbs-up emoji response just to bring our entire relationship full circle,” she said. Then she grew serious. “Yes, Cameron. I would love nothing more than for you, me, and Jacks to become the family we’ve waited too long to be. I love you completely, now and forever.”

She would never have any idea how much I loved her and our son, but I vowed in my heart to prove it with more than words. She was my treasure and something I’d never planned to lose or take for granted.

Chapter Fifty-One

Jessa

Cameron and I spent that weekend wrapped in each other’s arms until we couldn’t resist picking up Jacks and telling him that his parents would be getting married and we were going to become a family.

“How do you think Jacks will take the news? I’m thinking he’ll at least dig settling down out here—you know, to finally pull off from this online schooling bullshit and start gaining friends at a new school,” Cam said.

“Yes,” I answered with a smile, “I know he’ll be happy to learn he’s no longer going to need to do school remotely, now that his mom has made a decision to live in Southern California.”

I was thankful that the school issue could at least be resolved. Since Jackson’s surgery, I wouldn’t settle down and force Jacks into a new school—especially with him going through rehab, and with me not too certain where I truly wanted to live.

Even though the school system in New York worked well with us for him attending remotely like he’d been, I knew it was something that needed to be worked out and soon.

I knew that Jacks wouldn’t have a problem making new friends, or possibly even challenging himself to pursue sports again, even if he wasn’t playing like he used to. I also knew that he needed to be around kids his age to thrive. So, with this year that we had, both healing in our own ways, I knew I had to decide on a school for him to attend in person.

I never imagined this decision would be made because I said yes to marrying his father, and our home would officially be here in Southern California. I had to admit, this was more than I could ask for in moving forward with my life, yet something still had me contemplating how to reveal all of it to Jackson…school attendance was now the furthest thing from my mind. Instead I was more concerned about his reaction to me saying I would marry Cam.

“I don’t know why I’m so nervous,” I said, biting my nails, something I never did.

“Truth be told, I am, too,” Cam said, bringing the back of my hand to his lips while he drove. “Think I should give him the Bronco in case things go sideways and I need to buy my love?”

I smiled at him, winking at his joke. “Because I certainly raised him to take bribes for love.”

“I couldn’t possibly be more grateful for how you raised that boy. Seriously,” he said, changing lanes to get off the freeway, “I probably would’ve fucked him up just by how irresponsible I was at the age. I don’t talk about him much anymore, but my father would’ve been damn proud of how his grandson turned out,” he kissed my hand again, “and proud of you for raising him so well. No doubt about that at all.”

“I’m sorry about your parents, Cameron. I know you don’t bring it up much, but since you did, I want you to know you can talk about them whenever you like.”

“I’ve grieved them well, I think,” he smiled over at me. “I used to go to the cemetery all the time, trying to talk to them and work out my frustrations, but I realized it was stalling me in life. I know I take them with me wherever I go, and you know as well as I do my dad would’ve kicked my ass if he knew I stayed stagnant and in that dark place.”

“He had a profound touch on everyone’s lives. I remember walking into the room with all those stiff, powerful, rich men; somehow, your dad commanded every single one of them.”

Cam smirked, “I see some of my dad in Jacks.” He glanced over at me, his dark Ray Bans hiding his eyes, “It’s so strange how genetics work, you know?”

I smiled, but then a certain sadness washed over me. “I want to say something because I need to put it to rest.”

“Go ahead,” Cam said, and I realized I sorta hated when we both got serious. Especially Cameron.

I shook my head, pushing the awkward nerves away. “I’m sorry I never told you about being pregnant,” I said.

“Don’t do that, baby,” he said.

“No, I’m deadly serious, and this is something I need to say. I’ve watched you with Jackson this past year, and you are such an incredible father. I see how you are with the kids when we get together, and they are drawn to you like a moth to a flame. You have such a wonderful personality, and beyond feeling like I robbed Jacks of you during his important years growing up, I feel like I robbed you too. I did that because I put an idea in my head about how you would take it, not trusting myself or you, and I didn’t allow you to decide for yourself whether you wanted to be in his life. It was wrong of me, and I can’t take any of it back, but I can acknowledge it and apologize. And hope that the years ahead will make up for it.”

That was more than I expected to say, but it had bothered me for years that I’d never given Cam a chance to make his own decision about our son. I never gave him a chance at anything, and over this last year, I’d seen him at work and with all the kids; it was so obvious why he’d chosen to work with children and why his patients adored him. He loved children, and I never gave him a chance with his own because of my insecurities.

“Jessica,” Cameron said, stopping at the red light, “I want you to really understand that I know why you never told me. I get it and feel like an even bigger piece of shit, realizing it was due to how I left you. It was bullshit. I put you in a position to believe I would’ve lost my shit or something. Who knows? But I guess that thumbs-up emoji response fucked up more things than I would have ever imagined. It worked as a full stop, and I’d never thought that’s how it came across.”

“It’s in the past for good, so let’s keep it there from now on.” I’d worked through this pain. We had no reason to revisit it again, and he agreed with a nod. “So long as we’re on the topic of emoji thumbs-up responses,” I said with a smirk, “let’s talk about how it’s going to be forbidden for us to use in our texting from this point forward.”

He shook his head. “You finally had me serious in conversation, and now, we’re going to make fake laws about a damn emoji,” he said with a laugh, pulling up to Elena and Collin’s estate in the Hollywood Hills.

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