Page 72 of Play It Again, Ma'am

Billie closed her eyes for a second. She saw the logic there, she even knew that probably she wasn’t doing exactly the right thing. But then what was the right thing? The words that Cora had used to her when she was walking away had done nothing but harm her. She didn’t want to do that to Jules.

What was she supposed to say? I really love you but you like someone else so I’m going to throw myself on my own sword and let you live your life because that’s just how much I love you? It sounded stupid even in Billie’s head.

No, it was easier this way. Slip away quietly and let Jules fall into the life she would have had if Billie had never come along.

“It’s none of your business,” she said to Alea.

“You appear to be leaving your girlfriend with me,” Alea said, voice gentle. “Isn’t that my business?”

Billie was struck with a thought. “I drove, but it’s not my car, it’s Jules’s.” So much for slipping away quietly and surrendering with grace.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” asked Alea. “You look as though you have real feelings. Have you told her? I mean, you look at her as though she were a flame, like you can’t take your eyes off her.”

Billie grunted and forced herself to look away from the bar where Jules was chatting with the man next to her. “Again, none of your business.”

“You’re breaking your own heart.” It wasn’t a question, definitely a statement.

“I’m doing the right thing, I’m putting someone else first, I’m putting Jules first.”

Alea snorted at that. “Sounds like a martyr kind of thing to say.”

“What would you know about it?” Billie snapped. “With your beautiful eyes and your beautiful skin and your beautiful hair and the confidence that oozes out of every pore. Have you ever been just not quite good enough? Well? Have you?” She glared at Alea, who just raised an eyebrow in response. “Right, that’s what I thought.”

Alea sighed. “The only person that determines your own worth is you yourself,” she said.

Billie rolled her eyes at the platitude. “Whatever.”

“And now what?” Alea asked her. “You’re going to drive home and feel sorry for yourself when you never even gave Jules a chance to speak for herself?”

“It’s not my car, I told you,” said Billie.

“Not my point.”

“Jules is… better off with you,” said Billie, hating the words even as she said them. “You fit her world better, she has to try less hard with you, you’ll do a better job of looking after her.”

“She’s not a dog.”

“Not my point,” countered Billie.

Alea shook her head. “Well, thanks for giving me a say in matters.”

“What does it matter?” Billie asked her. “Jules likes you and you might like her, so the two of you need to go ahead and work all that out like grown ups in relationships do. That’s all there is to it. I’m just getting in the way here.”

Alea closed her eyes. “I don’t even know you but I know you’re an idiot.” Her eyes flashed open again. “In which case, maybe you’re right, maybe you’re not the right person for Jules. Maybe you’re not good enough for her if you can just walk out of here.”

The words stung even harder than when Cora had said them. Billie thought that perhaps she was doomed to be not quite good enough for the rest of her life. “I can’t leave, it’s not my car,” she said for the third time.

Alea sighed. “Take the car. Leave it parked in front of the pub. I’ll make sure that Jules gets home safely. Am can pick up the car in the morning, it’s a two minute walk from their house to the pub.”

Which meant that Alea already knew far more about Jules than Billie did. Billie had never been to Jules’s house, had only picked up the car from her street.

Billie nodded and pushed herself up from the piano. The car keys jingled in her pockets. Jules was laughing at something the bartender was saying to her, not even looking at Billie. Which made it so much easier for Billie to walk out without being seen.

Chapter Thirty

Wiry arms grabbed her from behind and Jules squealed as Alea hugged her. “How’s the tour going?” she asked.

“Brilliantly, thank you for asking,” said Alea, letting go of her and standing back. “But I think you and I have some talking to do, don’t you?”

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