Page 48 of Where We Belong

‘But that’s not possible… Mum told me she had a miscarriage.’ She pressed a hand to her stomach, feeling suddenly sick. ‘She said she tried to save us both, but she couldn’t. And then she said, “my Ben, my poor baby”.’ Hope stared up into Cam’s eyes, reading only compassion and sorrow in them. ‘She definitely said she lost a baby, though, but it couldn’t have been her fault if he pushed her, so how could she have tried to save him?’

Her head was spinning, her mother’s words tumbling around and over like the end of a spin cycle. She thought about Rowena’s reaction when she’d said her mother had told her about Ben. The way her eyes had widened with shock before she’d moved the conversation to something else. ‘What have I done?’ she asked Cam, but what she was really thinking was Oh, Mum, what did you do?

Cam reached for her, pulled her against the reassuring warmth of his chest. ‘You weren’t to know,’ he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. ‘It’s my fault for blurting it out like that. I’m so sorry.’

Hope curled her arms around him and clung on. ‘It’s not your fault. I never should’ve asked you to look him up. I should’ve been satisfied with what I have. Ziggy and Zap are the best fathers I could’ve possibly wanted and yet I had to start poking around.’ She pulled back, not wanting to accept the comfort. ‘I should never have started any of this. Not the house, not the dig, not any of it. It’s brought nothing but trouble.’

Cam looked stricken. ‘Please don’t ask me to stop, Hope. Not when we could be on the edge of discovering something amazing. This could be the find of my career! I could spend the next few years just trying to document everything.’

He was right, of course. She couldn’t ask him to do that. It would be beyond selfish of her, and he hadn’t asked to be dragged into her mess. ‘No, of course I’m not going to do that. It just feels like everything started going wrong the moment the digger uncovered those stones.’

Cam studied her for a long moment. ‘I don’t know how to say this, but there’s something else. I couldn’t find a death certificate for your father.’

‘You mean he’s still alive?’

‘I don’t know, but I think perhaps you need to consider it’s a possibility. Did your mother ever actually tell you he was dead?’

‘What are you talking about? Of course she did!’ Hope hesitated, racking her brain for details. ‘She must have told me, I mean she wouldn’t just let me believe that if it wasn’t true…’

Cam nodded. ‘I’m sure that whatever your mother did, she was only ever acting in what she thought were your best interests.’

Hope curled her knees up under her chin and stared out across the little garden. What am I going to do? Those same six words chattered through her head in a repeating loop like the bump of a train over the tracks.

Whatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodowhatamigoingtodo?

She sat there until the last of the light faded, until her limbs were stiff and her back ached, but she still didn’t have an answer. She thought about going to speak to Ziggy, whose wise counsel she’d always been able to rely upon, but then it dawned on her. If Rowena knew about Ben, then surely Zap and Ziggy must as well. They’d all lied to her, the four people she’d thought she’d be able to trust above all others.

A soft scuff came from behind her and then Cam was there, carrying a mug of tea. ‘I’ll leave this here,’ he said, bending down to place it on the low table beside her before he straightened and turned away again.

‘Stay.’ None of this was his fault. She’d gone to him for help and persuaded him to get involved with the dig. She’d raised the subject of her father. He might have been the one who’d suggested doing the research, but he’d only been trying to shield her.

Cam sat on the edge of the lounger. ‘I’m sorry.’ He sounded desperate, and even in the deepening shadows, she could see the regret etched on his face.

‘You only did what I asked you to do.’ So why was she freezing him out? Because even after all this, she couldn’t bring herself to confront her mother. Whatever Stevie had done, Hope never wanted to see her as upset as she’d been that awful night. ‘I didn’t mean what I said about wishing I’d never started this because we wouldn’t have met otherwise. It feels like you’re the only good thing that’s happened to me lately.’

Cam reached out and stroked her hair. ‘Yes, you did. It’s okay to regret what’s happened, Hope. Anyone in your situation would feel the same way.’

‘Not you, though,’ she said, pressing a kiss to his palm. ‘I don’t regret you.’

With a soft groan, he gathered her into his arms. ‘I wouldn’t blame you if you did.’ He pulled back only far enough so he could meet her eyes. ‘If you want me to call off the dig, I will. I can have that hole backfilled tomorrow and we’ll get some fresh turf to lay over it. Give it a couple of weeks and you’d never know anything was there.’

It was beyond generous of him to offer, but Hope shook her head. ‘The past has been buried for too long as it is. I’m going to dig it all up, no matter how much it hurts.’

* * *

After a restless night during which neither Cam nor Hope got much sleep, he dropped her off outside the farmhouse. ‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?’

The scared little part inside her wanted him to stay, but this was something she needed to do on her own. He would be there later when she needed to talk to him, to cry on his shoulder and let the solid strength of him comfort her. ‘I’ll be okay.’

‘Text me when you’ve spoken to him?’

‘I will.’ After a quick kiss, Hope slid from the car and headed towards the backdoor.

Rowena was in the kitchen, a worried look on her face. ‘There you are, darling! I don’t suppose you’ve seen my rings anywhere, have you? I can’t find them anywhere and your uncle will be so upset if I’ve lost them.’ Her voice rose and she looked close to tears.

Hope’s first instinct was to go and comfort her, to set aside her plan and help her aunt look, but if she let herself get distracted, she might lose courage. ‘Sorry, I haven’t seen them. Is Ziggy up? I need to speak to him.’ She’d decided he would be her best chance of getting the truth once and for all.

Her aunt’s brows pulled down in a puzzled frown, her dilemma over her rings forgotten at Hope’s uncharacteristic shortness. ‘He’s in his study. Is everything all right?’

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