Page 47 of Where We Belong

‘And how do you think you’d feel if you found out who he was and that he’d done something awful?’

‘I already know he wasn’t a nice man from what Mum’s already told me, so I’m not sure anything else I find out would be that much of a shock. And it’s not as though whatever I learn about him is going to make any real difference to my life.’ She shook her head. ‘What do you think I should do?’

It was an impossible question to answer. He tried to put himself in her shoes, but he’d loved digging into his own past and putting together that family tree for his parents. It had given him a grounding, a deeper sense of self and the people who’d come before him. What must it feel like to have a completely blank slate on one side? ‘Do you want me to look for you?’ It wouldn’t be hard, with access to the kind of records he had.

Hope sat up again. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, I could do a search and see what I can find out and then, depending on what that is, I could help you decide whether or not there would be any benefit in you knowing more.’

‘So, if you found out he was an axe murderer or something, you wouldn’t tell me?’

‘Oh, if it was something like that, I’d probably try and persuade you to make a true crime podcast about it with me.’

Hope rolled her eyes. ‘I don’t know how you can listen to those awful things! That’s no one’s idea of relaxation.’ Her face grew serious. ‘How would you go about it?’

‘You said your mother was once married to him, right? With an unusual name like hers, it shouldn’t be hard to track down a marriage certificate. That would at least give us a name and a date of birth, and we can go from there. Or not. It would be up to you how much or how little information I look for.’

‘A name would be good. And a picture, if we could find one. I feel like if I could put a face to him, I’d be able to stop wondering all the time.’

Or it might open a whole can of worms. But Cam didn’t say that because this was up to Hope. All he could do was help her navigate things in the least painful way possible.

She looked over towards where his laptop was sitting on the table. ‘Could you do it now?’

‘If you want me to, then write your mum’s full name and date of birth on a piece of paper and I’ll see what I can do.’

He followed Hope over to the table, where she jotted the information down on a Post-it. ‘Will it take long?’ she asked, raising one hand to her mouth. She looked about to chew on the skin on the corner of her thumb, something he’d never seen her do before, and he wondered if it was an old habit long broken. She seemed to catch herself and yanked her hand away. ‘Ugh. I’m going to wait outside. Give me a shout when you find something.’ She bent down to retrieve her book and headed out onto the patio, where she settled onto one of the loungers with her back to him.

Cam took a seat and pulled his laptop towards him. ‘This might be the stupidest idea you’ve ever had, Cameron Ferguson,’ he muttered to himself under his breath. What on earth had possessed him to volunteer to stick his head in the proverbial lion’s jaws like this? What if he found something awful and she ended up blaming him for it? Christ, what if her father really was an axe murderer? Feeling slightly sick at the thought, Cam opened the database and entered his login and password. He stared at the Post-it for a long moment then tapped in Stevie’s full name and date of birth.

Four records found.

Cam stared at the hyperlink for a long moment. It was too late to turn back now. Even if he could bring himself to lie and say he hadn’t found anything, it wouldn’t take Hope long to find the truth for herself. He’d shown her how to access the database when they’d been going through the desk survey. What were the odds that she’d end up checking for herself? With a roll of his mouse, he clicked on the link and opened up the list of items found. The first was Stevie’s own birth certificate. He clicked it open, but only long enough to verify the information was correct. The place of birth was listed as Stourton Hall and he knew he had the right person.

The second record was the one he was looking for – a marriage certificate. There he was, Hope’s father, one Benjamin Albert Lawson. Cam right clicked on the document and saved it to his hard drive. He looked at the final two records, and frowned. He’d expected one to be a death certificate, but they were both birth certificates. He opened the first one, read the name Benjamin Lawson and assumed the database had cross-referenced the file until he spotted the date of birth. Oh, shit. He quickly saved the document then clicked back and opened the last one. It was Hope’s birth certificate, with Stevie’s name on it and a blank space where the name of the father would be recorded. Cam saved that too then opened the first two files he’d saved and set them side by side on his screen. The date of birth details from the marriage certificate corresponded exactly with those of the mother and the father on the birth certificate. Stevie Travers and Benjamin Lawson had had a son together, also called Benjamin.

Not only did it look like Hope’s father was still alive, she had an older brother as well. And it looked like it was going to be Cam’s job to somehow break the news to her.

21

Hope was surprised when Cam came and joined her on the patio not more than ten minutes after she’d sat down. ‘That didn’t take long,’ she said, setting aside the book she’d been staring at blankly. Cam didn’t say anything at first, just sat beside her on the lounger and took her hand. ‘Oh no, is it awful?’

Cam squeezed her hand. ‘I know his name and his date of birth.’

Hope wasn’t sure what she’d been expecting to feel, not happy, given what had transpired between her parents, perhaps relieved or a bit nervous. Not this strange sort of numbness that settled over her. ‘Tell me.’ Her voice sounded tinny in her ears as though it was coming from a long way away.

‘His name’s Benjamin Lawson and he was born in London in 1967.’

‘Benjamin?’ Hope felt her breath catch in her chest and she pressed a hand to ease the sudden ache there. ‘Like the baby.’

‘Oh, thank God you already knew!’ Cam burst out. ‘I honestly didn’t know how the hell I was going to tell you otherwise.’

‘Tell me what?’ Hope asked. ‘Surely you didn’t find a record of the miscarriage.’ They didn’t record stuff like that did they?

Cam’s face turned ashen. ‘What exactly did your mother tell you?’ His voice cracked a little at the end and Hope stared at him in alarm.

‘What do you mean what did she tell me? She lost a baby after my father pushed her down the stairs. She told me she would’ve named him Ben and that when she found out she was pregnant, she wanted to protect me, so she ran away and came back home.’

Cam shook his head. ‘That’s not what the records say. I’ve found a birth certificate that says your mother gave birth to a child called Benjamin Lawson, who was born in December, about three years before she gave birth to you.’

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