Page 81 of That Secret Something

“Remember what you said to me? You have to do what makes you happy. Forget what everyone else wants. You’ve been my best friend forever, Jess. I don’t want to be the reason that you’re not happy.” She cast her arm back and skimmed the stone across the water. It jumped three times before settling into the river with a plop.

My eye caught on the ripples, growing and stretching across the water. It started with something small; I just needed the courage to throw the first stone.

One Lawson down, one more to go.

* * *

I flipped on the switch, bringing my apartment to life. For the first time in a few days, I saw the mess my mum must have seen when she visited yesterday. My dirty plates were piled up on the counter, shoes were strewn all over the floor, and there was a weird smell coming from somewhere—a cross between old milk and socks. Not good.

Sausage scampered towards his favourite spot on the sofa, heaving himself up between a stack of discarded books and a pile of blankets. At least he didn’t seem to mind.

I needed to be the one to make the first move with Rebecca. I might have overreacted slightly—or maybe I hadn’t. I honestly hadn’t decided. I was still hurt that she’d kept things from me, but that didn’t mean that our relationship was a lie—did it? Opposing sides of my brain fought it out. Yes, of course it was a lie. Why would she be interested in you otherwise?

But then I’d remember the sound of her laugh, how soft she was when she opened up to me, the look in her eyes just before she kissed me. The memories still made me swoon. She couldn’t fake that, could she?

Ugh. She was such a mindfuck.

With one half of the Lawson tangle in my heart sorted, I needed cleanliness to tackle the other half. Clean your space, clear your mind, as Grandma used to say. I tidied my shoes, straightened the sofa cushions, and picked up my dirty clothes to put in the laundry basket.

I pushed into my bedroom, clothes balanced in my arms, and flicked on the switch with my nose.

“Surprise.”

I screamed, clothes flying everywhere, then grabbed a hairbrush off my dresser and wielded it at the intruder—none other than the beautiful heartache that was Rebecca Lawson.

“Rebecca?” My heart lurched in my chest. “What are you doing here?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I let myself in with my key.” She smiled apologetically. Then I noticed what she was wearing: a crisp white shirt with the top few buttons undone, tucked into neat navy trousers. Her brown hair was swept back behind her shoulders, those green eyes soft and unrelenting. She stood up and walked towards me. “Don’t shoot,” she joked.

I lowered the hairbrush, trying to squash the urge to leap into her arms and kiss her face off. Remember, she lied to you. I crossed my arms to try and deter them from pulling her into a hug. I didn’t want to be the pushover anymore. I was better than that.

But my eyes betrayed me, wandering down her glorious form. It was seriously distracting. An unfair advantage. “Why are you wearing that?” I asked, gritting my teeth.

Rebecca glanced down briefly before taking another step forward. “There are lots of moments in my life where I wish I’d done things differently. I know we can’t change the past, but we can rewrite the future all the time.” She looked over her shoulder and dashed back to pick up a bouquet of flowers lying on the bed.

She offered them to me. They weren’t any old flowers, but huge sprigs of lavender tied together with ribbon.

The smell took me back to standing in the Lawsons’ hallway on prom night. Rebecca’s smile and the lavender in her hand that she’d taken from Sally’s garden.

“Do you remember?” she asked quietly.

“Of course. That night means a lot to me.”

“Me too.”

“But, Rebecca—”

She placed the lavender down on my bedside table. “Please. Let me get this out.”

I nodded, nerves and anticipation swirling in my belly.

She blew out a breath and continued, “It’s true that Lily asked me to stay away from you, but when I saw you on prom night, I couldn’t bear to see you so sad. I just wanted you to be able to enjoy yourself like you deserved to.” A small smile crept onto her face. “And then I saw the way you looked at me. I felt this sizzling tension between us whenever we were close. I wanted to tell you that night. In George Beecham’s bathroom?”

The memories of me puking on Rebecca’s shoes made me cringe. Echoes of her voice filtered through too. A sentence that had taunted me for years. ‘Listen, Jess. There’s something I should say.’

“What did you want to say?” I asked breathlessly, my pulse quickening.

Her gaze dropped to my mouth. “That Lily had asked me to keep away from you, but I really didn’t want to. That I think we had something…special.” The corners of her mouth turned up. “I’ve honestly thought about that moment for years. How much things might have been different. But in a way, I’m glad. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have had all of this amazing time with you now.”

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