Page 78 of That Secret Something

I shook my head. How have I never heard this before?

“I didn’t want to do the same things to you. You should make your own decisions. I caught myself doing it, though, when I pushed you to study biology. I didn’t want to live like that; I wanted to give you space to figure out your own life. I realise I might have given you too much sometimes.”

No kidding.

“But you did it,” she said. “You found your own way, all by yourself.”

My head was too full. I couldn’t quite say for sure if this was a dream or not. It sure felt like one. But when I looked at Mum’s face and saw the waves of emotion passing over her features, I knew it was real.

“I never had the space to talk,” she continued, in a small voice. “I guess talking doesn’t feel natural to me when I’ve had to bite my tongue my entire life. I so desperately didn’t want to be like my mum that I went in the completely opposite direction. I’m sorry about that, Jess.”

I’d never heard my mum speak so much in her life; the sadness pouring out of her squeezed my heart. I couldn’t believe Grandma had treated her like that. Mum must’ve been so lonely.

“How come neither of you said anything? You should’ve spoken to me about it. And Grandma…” Images of the small, curly-haired woman populated my mind. I couldn’t imagine her having such a negative impact on Mum’s life. It made me question everything.

“I don’t want this to taint your relationship with her, and I don’t want to speak ill of the dead. She was better with you.” Mum paused for a moment, looking down at her hands. “She apologised, and we came to an understanding, but we were never close…not like you two were. I guess too much had already happened.”

Guilt stabbed at my stomach. I’d no idea just how complicated this was, how much Mum actually felt about everything. It must have been so hard for her to watch Grandma and me together after the relationship they’d had.

Mum looked so small, bent over at the end of my bed. I wondered what she was thinking about.

I leaned forward and took her hand in mine. “Thank you for talking to me about it.”

“It was long overdue.” She gave me a small smile.

The weight on my chest lightened. Then I remembered everything else. Lily. Rebecca. A hot knife sliced into my heart. It was so messy. Had too much happened to salvage our relationships, too?

“I talked to Lily,” Mum said.

“What?” My insides clenched. “Why?”

“Relationships are hard, Jess, but with enough effort, there’s always some common ground to find.” She let out a sigh. “You’ve been best friends since you were ten years old. You need each other. You need to sort this out before the wedding, or you’ll both regret it for the rest of your lives.”

That brought tears to my eyes. Lily had always been such a good friend to me. Mum said I’d found my own way, but Lily had played a huge part in that. She’d always had my back, encouraged me to open my own business, supported me when Mum didn’t.

I was mad at her for what she’d done, but I was no angel in this. I didn’t want to lose her for good; I didn’t want to become as estranged as Mum and Grandma had been. It might be too late, though. I’d never seen her so angry.

“What did she say?” I asked.

“She agreed to meet with you and talk it out.”

She did? My mum—my mum—had managed to get Lily to agree to talk to me? I didn’t know what to say.

“You’re going to meet at the park tomorrow and go for a walk.”

“Why the park?”

“I read online it’s good to meet on neutral ground.”

Yeah, if you’re dogs. I sighed. I supposed it couldn’t hurt to have witnesses. Though the crowd at Rebecca’s hockey game didn’t seem to deter Lily much.

Nerves flooded my system, making me feel sick. How was I supposed to talk to Lily about all of this? It was huge.

And what if she was right about Rebecca?

Tears swelled in my eyes again, and Mum squeezed my hand.

“Just be honest with her,” she said. “That’s all you can do.”

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