Page 60 of That Secret Something

“My career. My relationships. My life. I’m a disappointment to them. There’s only so many times I can hear ‘Why don’t you get a real job?’, or ‘Why can’t you find stability, like your sister?’” She blew out a breath. “Lily doesn’t have the same dream as me. She wants the big wedding, the huge house, happy family. And it’s not that I don’t want those things, but I have this feeling that I can’t squash. This…passion. I want to make films. To capture the essence of a story and bring that to life. People give so much credit to the actors, and they’re right to do that, but without the right angle, the right lens…it would fall flat. There’s so much behind the scenes that nobody realises.”

I’d heard her speak about cinematography before, but the passion in her voice struck a chord with me, drawing me closer and closer, until I was hanging on her every word.

“Would they understand why I care so much about it? No. Do they even take the slightest bit of interest? No. They just want a clone of Lily. It’s easier. Less embarrassing for them to explain to their friends. I mean, I’m shadowing Jackie Anne Cochrane, for crying out loud! An award-winning director. It’s stressful and hard, but I’m learning so much. And you know what they’d say? But how much does it pay? Like money is the core of all happiness.”

It was hard to imagine Mr and Mrs Lawson as anything other than the doting parents I knew them as. But anger simmered low in my gut. “I’m sorry your family hasn’t been supportive of you. But you’re amazing, and the drive you have to keep going despite their attitude just shows how much you’re meant to do this.”

Rebecca kept her gaze pinned ahead, but her fingers began tapping again. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course. I think you can do anything.”

“You really think so, don’t you?”

“I do. And I’m told that I’m very smart, so you should listen to me.”

She chuckled, and the sound made me light up inside. “I suppose that’s true.”

I was a little scared to hear the answer, but I had to ask. “What about Lily?”

There was a beat of silence. Her chest rose and fell against mine, and I tightened my arms around her.

“She’s the same.”

That seemed to hit a nerve. But we’d made real progress tonight; I didn’t want to push her further.

I breathed her in. Her musky, sweet scent mixed with sweat and hints of my car air-freshener. I’d never felt this close to her, lying in the back of my Ford Ka with her between my legs. I hated that people had made her feel small, especially when those people were her family. I kissed her cheek, planting more down her neck, and Rebecca smiled, making cute little noises that made me want to do it all the more.

“Thank you for talking to me about it.”

She nodded thoughtfully, and I brushed some of the loose hair from her ponytail out of her face.

“When was the last time you spoke to them about any of this?”

“I don’t know. The wedding is all anyone talks about at the minute, so it’s easier to just do my own thing.”

“Have you told them how they make you feel?” When she didn’t say anything, but started tapping on her leg, I continued, “I think you should talk to them about it. It’s clearly bothering you, and I think it’d help to get it off your chest.”

“I don’t know.”

I traced a finger along her collarbone. “Be honest with them. I think they’ll be shocked to hear how much of your life they’re missing out on. And it sounds to me like you want them to be more involved in it.”

“Yeah. I think you’re right.” She let out a loud exhale. “Dammit. I hate that you’re right.”

We laughed, and I kissed her cheek again and again, loving how it made her squirm underneath me.

“And I’m here too,” I mumbled into her neck. “Whatever the outcome.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate that—I appreciate you, Jess.”

Warmth bloomed in my chest at everything this woman was. So gentle, so kind, so unbelievably hot. How had I ended up here with her on my backseat, down a dark country lane?

I squeezed her tight, wishing I could tell younger Jess, the girl doodling Rebecca’s name in her diary, about what was in store for her.

“Rebecca, I…” Three words leapt to the tip of my tongue, but I swallowed them down. “I…uh, kind of need to pee.”

“Oh, sorry.” She leaned forward, and I hated that the moment was over. Stupid, stupid, Jess and my runaway heart. “You need to go here, or can you wait until we get home?”

Until we get home.

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