Page 53 of That Secret Something

“Pfft. Me? Of course. Don’t worry about me.”

“I’d still like to be friends. And I know people say that and don’t mean it, but I do.”

She smiled. “I know you do. And sure, Jess. That sounds good.”

I exhaled with relief. Who knew talking could work so well? I knew this made sense. I’d always felt more for Rebecca. I had done for years.

I had three options, and if losing her or losing myself was the outcome of two of them, I had to try the third. Talking to her wasn’t as scary as it had been before—she had been very naked in my bed after all, and in many compromising positions…but, yes, talking to Rebecca was a good idea, if we could stop fucking for five seconds.

But for now—I turned to Jade, a silly smile on my face. “So, you wanna finish whooping my arse at bowling?”

Nineteen

Jade’s pep talk had done wonders for my confidence. Of course, the more time that passed since our conversation, the more the doubt crept back in. Damn my stupid brain. It was my fault for making those bad thoughts so at home there.

I cuddled into Sausage, brushing my fingers through his soft fur absentmindedly. The few weeks I’d spent with Rebecca had been some of the most exciting of my life. Could I risk that ending prematurely because I couldn’t get my heart under control?

If it has a negative effect on your mental health, then yes.

Damn you, logical side of my brain. I was caught between two places. The hot sex world of Rebecca Lawson, where everything was exciting and new, and the scary, awful world of Jess Mitchell, where anxiety and self-doubt crippled my ability to just be.

I wasn’t the sort of person to play the field or casual-date, and that was okay. Jade had done enough to remind me of that. But what would Rebecca say when I said I wanted more?

I pulled out my phone and sent a text.

Jess: I can’t do this

I put my phone face down on my lap. Dating/not dating was so stressful! Whoever thought this would be a good idea? I wanted to bonk them on the head with Lily’s wedding planner. My phone vibrated with a reply, and I flipped it over.

Jade: Yes, you can

Jess: But what if she says no?

I’d be back to watching gameshows and drinking wine in the bath, forced to live in my memories about the best sex days of my life. Cursed to daydream about those strong legs and wicked mouth, and all the devilish things she could do with them.

And if I was honest, it was the quiet calm that came when we lay together that I would miss most. Her cheeky comments, and the effortless way she could make me laugh. More than that…I liked the person I was when I was with her; it was like some of her confidence rubbed off on me too. There was a multitude of things that felt so entangled with her, it ached to even consider cutting myself off from them. I’d have to flee the country.

My phone vibrated.

Jade: But what if she says yes?

Huh. I hadn’t really thought of that. I hadn’t even considered that there could be a good solution to this problem. The idea Rebecca might want to be something more to me when she could have anyone she wanted seemed so unlikely that it wasn’t even a viable option in my head. She’d been the one to suggest something casual in the first place.

There were three loud raps on the door, followed by two short ones.

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

I jumped up from the sofa, and Sausage looked up at me with questioning honey eyes. “Fuck. She’s here, Sausage. This is it.”

I tried to calm down and remember my breathing techniques, but it all went to hell when she knocked on the door again. I ran and opened it, my pulse pounding in my ears.

“God, what a day.” Rebecca rushed inside, immediately shedding her black denim jacket and hanging it up. “Working on a Sunday at the cinema used to be a walk in the park compared to this. Jackie must think I’m Superwoman or something.”

Jackie Anne Cochrane was an award-winning director, Rebecca’s boss, and, according to her, also a bit of a diva.

Sausage dived off the sofa with about as much grace as a drunk panda and scampered over to Rebecca, giving excited squeals.

“Hey, little buddy!” She laughed, falling to her knees to fuss him. Sausage assaulted her with kisses, his little tail wagging profusely as he spun in circles.

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