Page 79 of That Secret Something

I sniffed. “You knew about Rebecca too, didn’t you?”

Mum nodded. “I suspected as soon as I saw you two together in the bridal shop.”

I remembered her looking at the two of us. My mind slowly worked over the pieces. “And you saw her leaving here that morning?”

“I did.”

Oh god. Knowing that Mum knew this whole time made me feel strange.

“And I’ve not seen you happier than I have these past few months,” she said. “Despite all the stress and hard work…you’ve been happy. That’s all a mother wants.” She paused, awkwardly tapping my hand. “I’m sure Lily wants that too, deep down.”

I wanted to believe that. I just didn’t know if we’d pushed the limits of our friendship too far.

I blew out a breath. Mum was right. Rebecca made me happy—surely Lily could see that, too. It was time to stop moping and talk to the Lawson sisters; I still wanted them in my life. I had to try and salvage my friendship with Lily and figure out if Rebecca and I had a future.

I could do this. I had to at least try—one Lawson sister at a time.

Twenty-Six

The river hissed as the water tumbled over the rocks and down the winding current. A group of ducks were cleaning themselves as they bobbed along, sunlight reflecting off their feathers. I picked up another stone from the collection underfoot and threw it in the opposite direction, away from the birds. It plopped in with a splash, rippling outwards.

Sausage whined at my heels. He wasn’t a fan of the water and was probably wondering why I’d dragged him out here early in the morning.

Lily was late too. I figured she’d just done it to irk me a little—or maybe I was just overthinking everything, as usual.

A man jogged by with a lean, black Labrador, nodding to us as he passed. Mum’s suggestion of the park was good, in hindsight. Having Sausage there helped, despite his protests, and the running water brought a sense of calm to my racing heart. The frequent passers-by were a bonus too, giving a little comfort, as it meant if Lily did lose her temper, my body would be found sooner rather than later.

And surely she wouldn’t harm Sausage. He was too cute.

It isn’t going to come to that, Jess.

I sucked in another breath, plucked up another stone, and attempted to skim it down the river. My effort resulted in one embarrassing splash.

“You were never any good at that.” Lily’s voice sounded from behind me, and I spun around.

Her brown hair was half up and half down, and she had a black puffer coat zipped up to her neck. When she took a few steps down the bank so we were level, I could make out the purple bags under her eyes.

The panic returned with a splashing wave, rippling out into my bloodstream. I swallowed. Where are we even supposed to start?

“I was shocked when your mum got in touch.” Lily glanced down at her black boots. “I knew things must be bad for her to do that.” She dropped down to fuss Sausage’s brown head.

I nodded. It had been bad. Terrible. The awkwardness between us now was even worse, though. I didn’t know where to look. Where to put my hands.

To my surprise, it was Lily who spoke again. “I really hate that you kept this from me, Jess.” We were side by side now, both of us looking at the ducks paddling across the water. “I think that’s what hurts most. That you never said anything.”

“Well…that hurt me, too. That you went behind my back, trying to make decisions for me, like I’m incapable of doing so.” I let out a breath, surprised at how easily the words came out. “I have anxiety; that doesn’t make me inept at living my own life. It makes it difficult sometimes, sure, but I’m working on it. I can make my own decisions. I deserve to do that.”

Lily raked a hand through her hair, closing her eyes. “It’s nothing to do with your anxiety… It was to do with mine.”

Hers? “What do you mean?”

Two cyclists flew past on the path behind us, ringing their bells at a group of teenagers in the way.

Lily sighed. “Rebecca was right. I was jealous. God, it sounds so childish now.” She shook her head. “I don’t expect you to understand, but siblings have complicated relationships. Rebecca and I have always had this sort of…rivalry between us. She was more popular, more athletic; I got better grades and had a steady relationship. But I saw the way you looked at her.” She was silent for a while as the wind rustled the leaves in the trees above. “I didn’t want to have to share you. It sounds terrible to say it out loud, but that’s the truth. It’s always been me and you, Jess. I didn’t want to lose that.” Her eyes glassed over. I hated seeing it; she never cried. “But seeing you two together… That really, really hurt.” Her voice wobbled, and she turned her head away.

Tears pricked my eyelids too. “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was scared, too. I thought you’d hate me for it, but it’s not like it’s something I can control.”

Lily was quiet as she swiped her hand across her cheeks. “I know,” she said softly. “But why didn’t you talk to me?”

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