Page 41 of That Secret Something

“I don’t get it.”

Well, that didn’t come as a surprise.

I saw an opportunity and took it. “Did you regret marrying Dad?”

I didn’t mention him much, even though he only lived a couple of towns over. He still sent birthday cards and Christmas presents, and I saw him from time to time, but he was occupied with his new family. Mum never mentioned him, either.

“Me and your dad married too young. I didn’t even want to get married, but it was what his parents wanted. What your grandma wanted.” She looked around the room, smiling slightly as Sausage helped himself onto the sofa with a sigh. “Regret is too strong a word. I don’t regret it, because we had you. But there was a gut feeling I had that I couldn’t shake off. I think I always knew deep down that it wasn’t right.”

I was lost for words. I didn’t think I’d ever heard her speak so much at once. Was that all it took, for me to have the courage to ask her?

Mum clapped her hands together, jarring me from my state of surprise. “Well…anyway, I’m working tomorrow, so I’m going to head off.”

I exhaled, annoyed that the opportunity had already slipped away. “Alright, Mum. Thanks for bringing him back.”

She nodded a little awkwardly, paused beside the door as if she was going to say something, but then decided against it. I stared at the door for a while after she left, wondering if that had really happened.

What was going on with the world recently? My mum speaking about her feelings? Wild. Rebecca Lawson naked and spending the day in my bed? Unheard of. Jess Mitchell, having a casual, hot-as-hell hook up? Not a chance.

I instinctively reached for my phone, wanting to gush to Lily about it, but stopped dead in my tracks. I couldn’t tell her about it. Or anyone, for that matter. That was one of Rebecca’s rules.

I sat down next to Sausage, brushing my hands through his fur. “I’m sure I can talk to you about it, can’t I, buddy?”

He angled his head to peek up at me with his soft honey eyes, then rolled over so I could scratch his white belly.

“I’ll take that as a yes.” I blew out a breath, already feeling more sane being close to him. “I feel equal parts good and bad, and I don’t know what to do about that, boy. I haven’t felt this excited about someone…ever. But is it right if it also makes me feel so much guilt?”

I stopped stroking Sausage, and he nudged my hand with his big head. I continued, bound by the unwritten law of dog care, while my thoughts tangled themselves in knots. All this thinking was exhausting. I wished I could just shut off my brain for a while.

My phone chimed, and my heart leaped, hoping it was Rebecca.

Jade: Hey you

Fancy doing something this week?

The flutters in my chest stilled. Jade. In all of this, she’d slipped my mind. Was that bad of me? We’d only been on one date…but still, guilt churned away in my brain. Did she deserve to know about Rebecca and me? Was it weird that the two of them had already had some sort of a relationship?

Yes. Yes, it is. Very weird.

I threw my phone to the other side of the sofa. Ugh! Why was everything so complicated? “You don’t know how good you’ve got it, Sausage.”

I rubbed my dry eyes. I needed to take out my contacts. After giving Sausage a quick kiss on the nose, I headed to the bathroom to swap them for my glasses. I studied myself in the mirror. Unruly blonde hair and tired brown eyes looked back at me. My cheeks seemed to be permanently stained red. Hardly surprising, as I couldn’t keep the images of Rebecca out of my head for more than ten seconds. Her hot mouth and talented fingers. The way she’d moan in my ear and tie my insides into knots. That killer smile. Damn that woman. What was it she’d said earlier?

We’re young and single. What’s wrong with having fun?

If there was any time to try out casual dating, it was my twenties. I went back into the living room, picked up my phone, and typed a message.

Jess: Sure, Jade. When are you free?

Sixteen

I’d never felt so strange knocking on Lily’s front door. I’d been nervous before, like when we were meeting with Rebecca a few weeks previously—but never like this. I was terrified she’d open the door, take one look at my face, and instantly know I’d slept with her sister.

God. It sounds so bad when I say that out loud in my own head.

I still couldn’t believe how much had changed since the last time we were all here together. Now my triggers were going to be one hundred times more powerful, since I’d lived through them, not just conjured them up in the bath when I was alone.

Rain poured down as I huddled under the little portico. The weather was typically shitty for February, and the skies hadn’t stopped since the last time I’d seen Rebecca, a few days ago.

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