Page 24 of That Secret Something

She raised her eyebrows. “Lily Lawson, you say? She doesn’t, by chance, have a sister called Rebecca, does she?”

A shot of heat ran up my spine. It seemed like an age while Jade waited for me to finish chewing. I mopped my mouth with the paper napkin, trying to mask my surprise. “She does. Why? Do you know her?”

Jade nodded, trying and failing to hide her smile in her drink.

Oh. No…Really?

Surely not the first girl I date in months has already dated the one woman I’m trying to forget about.

“How do you know her?” I knew I might regret it, but I needed to ask the question.

Jade’s eyes flicked over mine, and she gave a light shrug. “It was nothing serious. Just a bit of a fling.”

A hot rod of jealousy stabbed through my heart. But it wasn’t over Jade…it was Rebecca. Since when did that happen? I knew Rebecca had flings and liked things casual. But knowing a bit about Jade now…it kinda stung, picturing them together.

I threw back a large gulp of wine, relishing the burn at the back of my throat. “Small world, isn’t it?” I croaked out.

“Mm-hmm.” Jade topped up our glasses from the bottle in the ice bucket. “I’ve had a lot of fun tonight. I’m really glad you texted me.” Her gaze held mine, curious and questioning. Then she raised her glass to me. “To new beginnings.”

“To new beginnings,” I echoed, not sure I really believed it.

Ten

Rebecca: You can’t ignore me forever

I read her message again, the screen illuminating my bedspread. It was Friday night, and I couldn’t sleep. My mind ran with an endless overload of all things Lawson. Lily had insisted on booking four bridal-shop viewings over the weekend—one each on Saturday and Sunday morning, and one each in the afternoons. It was too strong to say I was feeling dread—but if the viewings were anything like how the venue days went…dread wasn’t too far off.

Plus, there was Rebecca. I hadn’t seen her since the night I’d dropped her off at her house at the weekend, and aside from a couple of teasing messages at Lily’s expense in our Lawson Wedding group chat, we’d not spoken digitally, either.

Except for the unanswered messages in our private inbox.

The screen on my phone darkened, reflecting my unflattering double chin. I double-tapped the screen, reread the message again, and sighed.

Truthfully, I’d wanted Rebecca to show interest in me for as long as I remembered—which was pretty embarrassing to admit. But the feelings I had expected to feel were accompanied by a whole other suitcase full of things that I hadn’t planned for. The most overwhelming one: fear.

I didn’t know how to switch that off. I’d never been good at switching off my whole life, which probably explained the social anxiety, the quietness, and the surge of panic in crowded spaces. I’d got better at containing fear as I got older, pushing myself out of my comfort zone—especially when it came to party-planning. But I still had days where I was sick to my stomach with nerves about an event. I’d lose sleep, overthink, question every life choice that led me to this position… Honestly, that was proof that some things just never go away. My anxiety would always be lingering somewhere in the background. Maybe Rebecca Lawson would be too.

If the idea of never escaping those things didn’t make any regular person terrified, I’d like to meet them.

Letting things go also scared me. And going after what I wanted scared me. I was doomed to stay forever in a limbo between the two, until I lay dishevelled and wrinkled on my deathbed, haunted by all of life’s regrets. Of course, that thought terrified me as well.

I sighed. Most days, it felt like I wasn’t kitted out for living life at all. Where is the damn manual for this thing?

Three little dots bounced in front of my eyes, and real fear jumped into my throat. She’s typing. She’s typing. Like right now. Why was Rebecca up at 2:23 a.m.?

Rebecca: You do know we’re going to be seeing each other tomorrow…

And my mum is gonna be there…

And your mum

I didn’t need reminding. Lily’s inclusion of my mum for wedding-dress shopping was pretty cute but also added more pressure and invited questions about my own life. I was hoping the focus would be on Lily and not on me. Which, rightly, it should be—but I never knew with my mother. She was very much all or nothing.

More dots. More bouncing.

Rebecca: So don’t you think we should talk?

That was a lot harder than it sounded. Assuming I had the capability to speak in Rebecca’s presence without nervous-sweating like a pig in a greenhouse—whenever I looked into those gorgeous green eyes of hers, everything else melted away. All sense and breathing and logic and words became obsolete. It was impossible to just talk to Rebecca, because when I was with her, I wanted to do so much more than that. Like tear her clothes off and kiss every sacred section of her perfect freckled skin.

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