Page 45 of Beyond Fate

And there it was — the glow of pride in Marcus Holden’s eyes that told me I’d been exactly as cruel as he wanted, exactly as callous and uncaring. Unfeeling.

I was finally the perfect son.

“Go ahead, Jayce. We have a room full of eager men who want a show.” He gestured to the man holding Clay – he released him and pushed him toward me with a smirk. I was surprised he didn’t spring into action right away. Instead, Clay pulled himself up straight and righted his shirt, then fixed me with eyes gone dark as Marcus finished speaking. “Give it to them.”

“Yeah, Jayce,” Clay murmured the words softly, and I heard him try to sound as aloof as I knew he could. “Go ahead and give it to them. I deserve it, right?” And there, at the edge of his sentence, I saw his eyes flicker. It was just for a second, and it was just a tiny waver, but I saw it.

Maybe he actually thought he did.

Maybe he thought he deserved to have every bad thing coming his way, because he’d betrayed me.

I couldn’t really ask him, but I did pull my gun up and step into him. He didn’t try to move when I trailed the metal along his chest, tickling at the front of his shirt. He didn’t try to fight me when I traced it slowly along his collarbone.

“You know, I’ve never let anyone close enough to hurt me before.” It was the truth — I’d never really cared about someone, I’d never let someone past my defenses the way I had him. Sure, it hurt when Marcus Holden killed my street friends, but this was different.

This was some place deep behind my ribs, against my heart. He’d been there, he’d written his name, and then he’d set it to flame.

I want it to be just us.

I’ll bring him in.

A mission is a mission.

“I didn’t want to hurt you.” He said it carefully, but he didn’t move as I slid the gun back and forth slowly — didn’t stop me when I brought it up to press against his chin. He just gasped, one soft, pained sound. His fingers brushed up to squeeze my side, just along where he’d patched up my ribs.

Something about this felt…

Strange.

“Didn’t you? Clay,” I said his name softly. “I heard your voice on the phone.”

“Did you?” He widened his eyes. “Did you really hear it, Jayce? Did you listen?” I knew what he was trying to say — I’d known what he was trying to say all along. I’d seen this face before — eyes wide, desperate. Trying to tell me a truth I couldn’t hear. I’d seen it in my dreams when he put a knife in my side.

Right where he was touching me now.

“I did. That’s why I don’t have a choice. Do you understand that I don’t have a choice? I can’t change things. I can’t change fate. I think this is who I’ve always been, and I’m tired of fighting it, Clay." My eyes flicked between the gun at his chin and the blood on his lips. "I would have loved you. Without all of this, without everything going on, I would have loved you.”

“I know. It would have been enough.” He closed his eyes, and a tear slid down his cheek. Just one, like he didn’t realize it escaped at all. “That’s why I’m not fighting you. I just…” Clay’s lashes were wet when he opened his eyes. “It’s okay.”

“What?”

“It’s okay. If it’s you, I think it will be okay.” Clay leaned into me while he spoke, and his hand tapped gently against my ribs.

“Clay…”

“I’d rather love kill me, I guess. Seems just about right.” He smiled, but I could see the pain in his eyes. I felt those words rattle somewhere in my chest and stick. His fingers squeezed again, encouraging me, telling me to do it. To save myself — to save him from what Marcus Holden had planned for him. “Go on, Jayce. If it has to be someone, I’d rather it be you.”

His whisper was for my ears alone, and if I’d been wavering in my decision, I wasn’t anymore. I pressed the gun against his chin hard enough to tilt his head and glanced back at Marcus. He was smiling, approving.

“Clay,” I said his name gently. “It will always be me. You get that, don’t you?”

I didn’t give him a chance to respond — I leaned forward and pressed my mouth against his, pulling my gun from his chin at the same time. The shot was loud, but my entire world was focused on the taste of blood on my tongue, on the way Clay’s hand squeezed my side for just a second before it slid down to the other gun I had holstered at my waist. When he pulled back, his eyes were burning.

When he pulled back, I knew we were either going to get out of this together, or we’d die in each other's arms. Either way, there was nowhere else I’d rather be.

Chapter 19

Clay

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