Page 131 of Three Stepbrothers Save Christmas

“I want my Mama,” I admit for the first time since the day she died as I cry hard, longing for her to come to me and wrap me in her arms. The grief I’ve hidden for so many years overpowers me as I realise how much I need her right now.

“I know, Kitten. I wish I could get her for you.” Ryan runs a hand over my head, kissing my forehead. “I would do anything to take this pain from you. You have lost so much.”

I have lost a lot. First my mum, then my auntie in her own way and now the only parent figure I’ve had growing up.

“He’s never coming back,” I say out loud for the first time. “I hate him, but he was my dad,” I admit, knowing he will understand. “Why didn’t he just leave? Why did he have to do all this?” I ask. “Why not just take the money and run? Why did he have to break my heart?

I longed for him to love me; I believed he did.

“I knew he missed Mum and thought that was why he was away so much. I should have seen the signs.” I look up at Ryan as he cups my cheek. “He forbid me to cry at her funeral. He told me I had to be strong for him. He should have been strong for me! I should have been able to lean on him, not the other way around.”

“Fucking arsehole!” I hear Ryan growl as I bury my face into his chest. “He wasn’t a man, Kitten. He was a fucking prick.”

“How can I hate him and miss him at the same time? It’s all his fault, everything that was wrong in my life is because of him. But I wish he wasn’t dead. I still want him to come and hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Why can’t I just hate him like he hated me and move on?” I ask as the tears fall.

“Because you are a good person,” Ryan whispers into my hair. “You are far too good for him, and I wish you could see that, but I understand.” His arms tighten around me as he lets out a deep sigh. “I know we aren’t the same, but you know the three of us are here for you, always. No matter what’s going on, we are here.”

“I know,” I sniff as tears silently flow.

Ryan doesn’t let go of me once. He holds me close as I allow myself to grieve for my dad and my mum for the first time. He whispers words of love, affection and promises. I lose track of how many times he tells me he loves me, that they all do, and I realise I don’t doubt it as much anymore.

Lying in Ryans arms, he brushes his hand over my head and plays with my hair, helping me to relax until the exhaustion of my grief and lack of sleep starts to set in and I drift off to sleep in his arms.

68

Verity

“She’s asleep for now. I found her crying on the landing.”

Ryan’s whispers ease me from my slumber.

“Why was she on the landing?” I hear Ethan ask. I’m not quite awake yet, but I can hear their whispered conversation as Ryan continues to run his hand over my head.

“I don’t know; I think she didn’t want to wake Travis and got overwhelmed. I heard her call my name, and when I woke up, she was crying outside my room, on the floor.”

“Where is Travis now?” Ethan asks.

“I think he’s gone for a shower. He popped in just after she fell back to sleep. I think he wants to talk to her about everything when she wakes up.”

“Do you think that’s wise? She is already so vulnerable.”

“I do. I think she needs to hear everything to truly move forward. The fact that she called to me when she needed someone shows she’s asking for help, even in her own way.”

I purposely moan whilst moving in his arms, pretending to wake up. When I open my eyes, Ryan looks at me with a smile while cupping my face.

“Hey, beautiful. How you feeling?” he asks, running his thumb over my cheek.

“Like I need a coffee,” I smile up at him, letting him know I’m okay, even if just for the time being. He leans in and kisses me briefly, giving me a small smile.

“Then let’s get you a coffee.”

Ethan helps me off the bed, before wrapping his arms around me.

“I’m glad you’re home,” I sigh into his chest as he kisses the top of my head.

“Me too, Baby. I hated not being able to get in touch with you.” He kisses me on the lips before standing straight with a smile on his face. “Travis is up; go and see if he fancies making us all breakfast. He’s more likely to say yes if you ask him nicely,” he winks, slapping my backside as I turn towards the door.

“Hey, that hurt!”

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