Page 122 of Three Stepbrothers Save Christmas

I go back to looking out of the window, the word ‘sorry’ on the tip of my tongue. I don’t know how to not apologise at this point. I do it without even thinking. It’s a habit I’m not sure I will ever get out of, but I know I want to try.

I’m tired of being the pushover, the one everyone thinks has everything together and doesn’t need help because I do. Right now, I need all the help I can get, and I know the guys are here for me.

We continue to drive in silence as Travis holds my hand, which now rests on his thigh. The closer we get to the house, the sicker I feel. When we went there the other day, I froze at the door, terrified we would find my dad or even Linda there. I guess I didn’t need to worry as he won’t be there ever again.

A sharp pain erupts from my chest as the house comes into view as the realisation hits me. He’s never coming back. I blink back the tears and focus on the job at hand. Luckily, the years of pushing back my feelings have prepared me for this. I know I need to cry and accept the pain that I’m keeping suppressed. But not yet.

Travis comes to a stop outside of the house and turns off the engine.

“Are you sure you want to do this now?” he asks, turning in his seat to run a hand over my head. I nod, not wanting to speak aloud, as I feel the contents of my heavy stomach might decide to appear.

The passenger door opens, and Ryan looks down at me.

“Whatever you need, say. We are here for you and only you.” He holds out a hand, and I take it to exit the car.

“I’m going to check Mum’s not in there. The last thing we need is her causing any extra shit right now,” Travis calls as he jogs to the front door, unlocks it, and disappears.

I lean against Ryan, who keeps me wrapped in his arms as I look at the house. I used to believe this place was the perfect family home and that my family was perfect, even with the pain of losing Mum and Dad being away all the time. I believed with all my heart that he would rather be with me and that he was only working as hard as he was to ensure I had everything I ever needed that I wanted. If I hadn’t heard it from his own mouth, I don’t think I would have ever believed he hated me as much as he did. But here I stand, looking up at the house I have called home my whole life, and I know I will never look at it the same way again.

In what feels like less than a handful of minutes, Travis appears at the front door and jogs back towards us.

“No one is there, and I think she’s lying about staying here. Just in case, I will stay outside and keep watch for her coming back.”

Panic builds in my chest at the thought of being in there without him by my side.

“No, I will.”

We all turn to look at Ethan as he steps beside Travis.

“I’ve always said I’m not Daddy material, and that’s what you need in there. You go in there with your Daddy and Bear, and I’ll keep watch.” Ethan steps up as Travis moves to the side. “If you need me, all you need to do is say, and one of the guys can swap with me. Okay?”

I look up at him for a moment before stepping away from Ryan to throw my arms around Ethan's neck. He always knows just what I need; they all do. They have my back in a way no one ever has before, and moments like this make me realise how loved I am by them.

I step back from Ethan so I can look back at the house. I take a deep breath, push all my emotions down, and head up to the open front door. I sense the guys all following behind me and take comfort in them being close but giving me space at the same time. I know I’ve come to rely on them and even show them my vulnerable side. The side that needs a daddy to comfort and take care of them. But right now, I need to be the strong, independent woman I know I can be, and they are here to let me and are taking my lead for the time being. Later, when I let myself fall, I know they will hold me and let me and my younger, vulnerable self feel all the emotions that have come with losing everything we have ever known.

Walking into the house, I can feel the heaviness of the air. The comfort I used to feel from being within these walls has long gone. It feels wrong.

I stand in the hallway, looking around at the mess in front of me. I can see where Travis tidied up a bit, as there is a pile of broken glass and what may have been frames waiting to be swept up. But there is glass in the pile and what looks like a stack of broken frames on the sideboard that resides here.

“When I arrived on Christmas Eve, I found some of the picture frames had been broken, and it seemed someone had thrown a tantrum. I tidied up the best I could, but didn’t do it all.”

I turn to look at Travis to find him watching me intently. He steps forward and takes my hand.

“I was going to hide them from you, but figured you deserved to know the whole truth, ugly bits and all.”

I nod, squeezing his hand, letting him know I’m listening. Even though I can’t voice my gratitude. I’m tired of things being hidden from me, and I need to know everything. Like Travis said, ugly bits and all.

“What is it you need in here, Kitten?”

“Answers,” I reply before letting go of Travis’s hand and walking towards the office.

Other than the other week when Travis was here, I haven’t been in the office for years. Dad always told me not to interrupt him when he was working, so I never did.

When I walk in, I find papers all over the desk and floor. I look to Travis, who shakes his head.

“This wasn’t me.”

“After we searched the office, we put everything back where we found it so Henry wouldn’t suspect something straight away,” Ryan confirms as he stands beside his brother.

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