Page 102 of Marrying the Nanny

“I’m grateful, that’s all.” She flashed a brief, brave smile and nudged his arm.

His grip was impossible to break. It struck her that he was always so tender she forgot how strong he really was.

“Don’t be hurt, Em.”

How could she help it? His knowing how crushed she was only made it worse. She fought revealing that she was completely devastated.

“It’s not you, it’s me,” he continued in that oh-so-kind voice. “You know this isn’t my strong suit.”

“I’m not asking you to feel the same. I don’t expect it.” Yes, she did. She had not only hoped he would feel the same, she had yearned for it. She had been on her knees damned near begging for it.

That wasn’t how love worked, though. It wasn’t something that could be forced. She knew that.

“I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s fine.” She pressed more insistently, needing to get away before she broke down. “Let me up, please.”

“Em, look at me.”

“I have to get back to the house. Logan might bring Storm.” She pushed more seriously, and he released her with a frustrated sigh.

She drew her dress straps back onto her shoulders as she stood and made a subtle adjustment to straighten her knickers. It was stuffy in here, but she felt cold all the way to the pit of her stomach.

While they’d been fooling around, two calls had come in on the landline and several texts had pinged. They had ignored them, but now there was another one.

“You should get that. It’s probably important,” she said, looking to the door.

“This is important,” he insisted.

It was to her, but she had done this once already, tried to make someone love her. She shook her head, so angry with herself she couldn’t bear it.

“We can talk later,” she mumbled. In fact, they really didn’t need to. This was as much humiliation as she could stand.

She did what she should have done rather than giving in to her lewd impulse to blow him off so he could blow her off. She searched out Sophie to ask if she wanted to get drunk.

*

For once, Reid didn’t need anything spelled out for him. He knew why she was upset. He’d behaved like an ass. He’d been reeling as he often was after making love with her. Already feeling too exposed and hammered by her effect on him. Vulnerable. Incapable of withholding himself and therefore at risk of pain.

Emma had opened herself up, had told him she loved him, and he had deflected on instinct, rather than reveal his own growing feelings for her.

Now he’d hurt her, and it made him sick with himself.

He cared for Emma. Cared for her in ways he didn’t delve into because the facets of that caring were becoming deep channels inside him. Embedded. It wasn’t simple concern about a fellow human’s well-being or the more elusive loyalty of friendship or affection toward an intimate partner.

It was a level of connection that could easily eclipse his needs in favor of meeting hers and that was bad. Learning to look after himself so his mother’s needs wouldn’t drown him had been a hard-won survival skill. He had only ever had himself to rely on. He didn’t know how to let down his guard and still be as strong as he needed to be to support his mother, his sister, and now his wife.

His conscience gnawed at him, though. He was angry with himself that he’d hurt her. He wanted to smooth things over, but didn’t know how and didn’t get the chance. She handed him Storm when he arrived home and evaded his attempt to kiss her.

“She’s had her bath. She pooped up to her earlobes, but she’s clean now.”

“Charming.” Trystan came into the kitchen behind her, pocketing his phone. He wore a scowl and a few days’ stubble since he was fresh off his latest tour. “What’s for supper? I’m starving.”

“Meat loaf is in the oven, salad is in the fridge. I’m going to feed Storm, then head to Sophie’s.” Emma finished warming a couple cubes of pureed yam she’d frozen for Storm’s growing menu of solids.

Reid set the table, trying to catch her eye. She was smiling and talking cheerfully to Storm as she stuck her in her chair and sat to feed her but didn’t look at him.

“We lost a July reservation. Group of eight.” Trystan spoke abruptly as he brought the salad in. “We won’t fill it on short notice so, like everything else, that sucks.”

Reid saw a chance to make up with his wife. “Would July work for your mom to bring your niece and nephew, Em?”

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