Page 65 of Marrying the Nanny

“No wonder you couldn’t get far enough away.”

He sounded kind and understanding, but she was having a hard time looking at him. She gathered her composure with a frayed breath, blinking her matted lashes. She searched his expression for repulsion, but only saw concern.

“Is that why you want Storm? Because you can’t have kids?” he asked.

A rush of anguish pushed hotly against her cheeks.

“Maybe a little.” She spoke through a constricted throat. “I was upset when I got here. I thought Tiffany should have been more appreciative of the fact that she could have a baby if she wanted one. But I do love Storm, Reid. If I suddenly found out I was pregnant, I would still fight to stay here with Storm. I want to be her mom.”

He absorbed that with an enigmatic look.

“Do you think I’m gross?”

“No.” His frown was vaguely impatient at the suggestion. “Of course not.”

“But it changes things, doesn’t it? Knowing I can’t make babies?”

“Not at all. If anything…” He grimaced slightly. “I wasn’t planning to have kids. Mom’s condition can be passed on. I always believed marriage and children would be too much for me to take on when I have her.”

“But you’re thinking of doing it now?”

“It’s an extenuating circumstance and”—he gestured to the baby wrestling a stuffed cat with a rattle in it—“I’m worried about her. Who’s going to look after her and do it right, if not me?” he asked with self-deprecation. “And you?”

“You really think I’m the right one for her?”

“I really do.”

She was going to cry. Full-on cry her eyes out.

“Will you think about it?” he asked.

She would obsess, cogitate, and ruminate. Possibly even fixate and fret. She nodded jerkily.

*

Reid went back to the office after dinner so Emma didn’t get a chance to talk to him again, not that she knew what she wanted to say. She searched online and learned that marriage wouldn’t grant her citizenship. It would only allow Reid to sponsor her while she went through the immigration process.

She then lay awake continuing the debate in her head. She wanted Storm, but she didn’t want to be trapped in a loveless marriage. Staying with Kevin had been her choice, but leaving Reid would mean leaving Storm. Divorce wouldn’t be easy if things went south.

Then there was the other topic she hadn’t discussed with Reid beyond confirming that it would be a real marriage. What if the sex was awful? For a guy who had got around, Kevin had never rocked her world nor she his. When she was objective about it, she saw that they had both been maneuvered into their marriage, not drawn into it by mutual attraction. It shouldn’t be a surprise that they hadn’t had much chemistry.

Emma had tried to make things more interesting, mixing it up with lingerie and flavored lube, but she had always felt her efforts were obvious and gauche. Unwelcome and unappreciated. After she learned what kind of track record Kevin had, she had internalized his disinterest as a lack of desirability on her part.

She really didn’t want to lock herself into another relationship where intimacy was a source of anxiety not pleasure, but the only way to test it would be to overstep into a place she and Reid couldn’t come back from.

Logan was on night duty with Storm so she didn’t have an opportunity for a midnight heart-to-heart with Reid. The discussion in the morning centered around the men’s ongoing game of musical beds.

“It’s only until we get the top floor finished,” Reid said as he spread the baby sling on the kitchen table. “Then I’ll be out of your room.”

“Why do you get it when it’s done?” Logan asked as he poured coffee into three travel mugs. “I’ll take it.”

“No, you won’t.” Reid used the patented tone of an eldest child. Even Emma rolled her eyes when she heard it.

“I need my own space where I can work without people leaving wet towels all over the place,” Logan said with irritation. “I’m trying not to lose a client, okay?”

“It was one towel and the baby was crying. That’s why I forgot,” Reid muttered. “But, by all means, let’s continue holding an inquisition over it.”

“I’m moving onto one of the yachts when we get them here,” Logan said.

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