Page 81 of Marriage and Malice

As I approach them, Ruben nods to me before taking off.

“How’re you doing?” I ask Zoe as I stand in front of her with my hands in my pockets. “With this. Me. All of it.”

“I’m fine,” Zoe says, plastering on a fake smile. “We should go dance. I love this song.”

She takes me by the hand and leads me into the center of the party where people are dancing.

I spin her beneath my arm before pulling her to me.

Zoe laughs, some of the tension fading from her as we move our hips to the music.

“What’s bothering you, Zoe?” My voice is soft as I look down at her. “If there’s a problem, and it’s in my power to do so, I want to fix it.”

Zoe shrugs. “And what if the problem is something that can’t be fixed?”

I press my forehead against hers, inhaling the sweet scent of her perfume. “I don’t know.”

She nods and cups the back of my neck with one hand. “Then I would rather not talk about it right now. I need time to think it over before we talk. I want to gather my thoughts because to be honest, I don’t know how to talk about any of this right now.”

Even though I want to keep pressing her, I don’t. There is no point in starting a fight when she needs time to think about it.

I can’t shake the feeling that I’m going to lose her, though. And it scares me more than I’d like to admit.

“Okay,” I say softly, kissing her forehead before standing up straight. “We can talk about it later.”

Zoe smiles and nods, but the look doesn’t reach her eyes. There is a sadness there that still lingers.

I can see it in the way the corners of her mouth twitch, like she is trying to have a good time, but she doesn’t know how.

I hold her a little tighter, wishing there was more I could do.

With each breath, Zoe’s chest brushes against mine. I’m sure that if I put my hand on her chest right now, I would be able to feel her racing heart.

“You know that I want you to be happy with your life with me, right?” I swallow hard, the music pounding around us.

My stomach turns as I try to find the right words to say to her. “If there is a part of this life that you’re still struggling with, it’s normal. Most of us still have a hard time wrapping our heads around everything we have to become.”

Zoe’s eyes shine with tears as she bites her full bottom lip.

I reach up and run my thumb along it, pulling it out of her mouth.

Her glance cuts away from me, looking at the people around us dancing and having a good time.

“Christian, there is a lot that’s going through my head right now. I told you that I don’t want to talk about this right now. Can you please respect that tonight?”

“I’m trying, Zoe, but I can see how much this is bothering you. You want me to let you just cave in on yourself and go through everything on your own? You’re my wife.”

“Through no choice of my own,” she says, her voice breaking.

Zoe takes a deep breath and puts her hands on my chest, nudging me back a step.

I look at her, wondering what I’m supposed to do right now.

She wants space and I can understand that, but I also need to know that she isn’t going to try to run away from this life. From me.

She means too much to me to let her go.

Though I don’t know how or when, she wormed her way into my life. I don’t think there is another day that I can spend without her by my side.

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