Page 94 of Sins and Secrets

When she opens her eyes, I hate the look she gives me. It makes me feel like nothing is being done, even though I’m doing all that I can.

The disappointment cuts me to the core, and I don’t know what to do to make her feel better.

31

BILLIE

Dead bodies are sitting on the doorstep of the main house in the compound when we get back. Alessio looks ready to kill as he parks the car and gets out. I follow behind him, tucking the gun in my waistband.

After the shooting at the club, this is the last thing he needs to deal with. I hate how much stress he’s been under lately, but there’s nothing I can do to fix it.

I also hate how many people have to die over two men’s egos.

Davide steps out of the main house with two capos flanking him. One of them carries a body and tosses it into the pile with the others. The man’s head rolls back and Jones is staring up at me.

“Are you alright?” Alessio asks, glancing over at me. Davide’s eyes narrow as he watches me.

He’s like a shark searching for blood in the water. I can’t show any sign of weakness, even if he’s watching for it.

It’s the one aspect of being with Alessio that concerns me. The consigliere and capos are always watching my every move. They want me to make a mistake so they can report something to Alessio. Win his favor while destroying my relationship with him.

“No. I’m fine. The men had it coming.” I keep my tone cold and professional. The voice of a woman who doesn’t let killing bother her anymore.

Alessio raises an eyebrow before turning his attention back to Davide. “What did you learn before you killed him?”

Davide shrugs. “Not much. Paolo is getting closer, but we already knew that. He thinks that Paolo’s attention is going to be focused on Billie, but there is no true proof of that. He said that Paolo insists that she is your weakness and killing her will leave you open and vulnerable.”

Alessio nods, his shoulders slumping. “So, nothing that we didn’t already know.”

“We have several more men downstairs in the cells,” Davide says as he smooths down his bloodstained shirt. “I’m getting dinner and then I will continue with the questioning. I’m sure that one of them knows something we don’t.”

“Good. One of them will know something. Just make sure you get that information before you kill them.”

Alessio turns and heads back to the car. I watch the men for a moment longer, giving them a cold stare. Davide matches my gaze but after a few seconds, he dips his head.

I say nothing as I get back in the car. I don’t know what there is to say right now. While I know that the men they captured are killing our people, torture isn’t anything I’ve ever agreed with. It’s inhumane. Necessary, but inhumane.

“Now that we’re alone,” Alessio says as he starts the car. He twists in his seat to face me slightly. “Tell me how you’re really doing and don’t give me some bullshit like you’re fine. You’re not fine and I can see that much right now.”

I look out the window, trying to gather my thoughts. “It’s shit like that pile of dead bodies waiting to be picked up that makes me want to leave this life and never look back. You told me that you were going to change things, but leaving those bodies there is monstrous.”

Alessio is quiet for too long. When I glance over at him, he is facing the wheel again. His knuckles are white as he clutches it, his jaw set in a hard line.

It’s only when I think about what I said that I realize my mistake.

I told him that I had been thinking about leaving. I told him about considering treason against the famiglia.

“Alessio, it’s not like that. At least, not entirely. I did think about leaving. A lot, honestly. This was never the life I wanted for myself. It isn’t the kind of life that I thought I could live.”

He pulls away from the main house, taking the road to his home. “I thought that we were going to start a future together, but you haven’t even slightly mentioned not wanting to be here.”

My chest constricts. “I changed my mind. I fell in love with you, and I changed my mind, alright? I want to be with you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I know that the famiglia is part of that. I know that there’s no avoiding it.”

He stops the car and puts it in park, turning to face me.

“There’s no avoiding it? Fucking hell, Billie, you could have fucking told me at any point in our relationship. You could have told me that this wasn’t the life for you. But no. You wait until I tell you that I love you and want to marry you!”

He starts the car again, driving the rest of the way home. It feels like the world has fallen out from beneath my feet. The rules of the famiglia say that the punishment for treason is death.

---