Page 71 of Sins and Secrets

“I’m fine.” He looks away from me, reaching for the remote and turning down the volume on the television. “Have you started seeing anyone? How is Emilia?”

“I’m still not dating,” I say, though I feel awful for lying to my father. Telling him the truth about Alessio isn’t going to happen. “Emilia hasn’t been around a lot, though. She’s been seeing someone new recently.”

“Good for her. You should find a good man too.”

My cheeks warm as my mind immediately goes to Alessio. I try to distract myself, looking at the movie that is playing on the television. There is nothing there. We are having casual sex, but nothing is happening between us. It can’t happen between us. He is Papa’s best friend and I’m planning on leaving.

“Papa, I’m happy with the way my life is right now. I don’t need a man. I have a business to build and focus on.”

He shakes his head. “No. You avoid falling for someone because you saw how miserable I was without your mother.”

A lump threatens to choke me as I shrug. “That could be part of it.”

“Don’t lie to your Papa, Billie. I know what that did to you.”

“I’m alright, Papa. Believe me. I just don’t want to find anyone to settle down with right now. Not when I’m looking at the next chapter of my life and seeing it away from here.”

Papa presses his lips into a thin line. He grabs the remote and turns the volume back up, cutting off our conversation. I sigh and lean back in the chair, pulling one knee to my chest and looping my arms around it.

I don’t know how I’m going to navigate an escape when Papa is so unwilling to even talk about it. Though I know that this has been his way of life since he was born, it doesn’t have to be that way until he dies.

If I ultimately decide to leave, I might have to drag him out of the compound kicking and screaming.

Papa glances over at me, disappointment shining in his eyes. I hate when he gives me that look, but I’m an adult now. I’m trying to make the best decision for us, I just have to make him see that. If things don’t change, staying in the compound is going to get him killed.

There is nothing that I can say right now to get him to listen, though.

And then there is the thought of staying and convincing Alessio to be the man I know he has hidden deep inside him.

I learned a long time ago that you can’t make people change if they don’t want to change. Alessio will do what he wants as he always has done. I can’t change that, even though I wish I could. I see the potential in him, but he doesn’t see it in himself.

The mafia is not my problem. I have to convince Papa that we have to leave and then I have to get us out.

Except, I don’t know how to walk away with a clean cut anymore. No matter what I do, I’m going to leave with jagged edges, wondering if things could have gone differently.

I leave and I break my own heart.

I stay and I risk getting my heart broken.

Either way, I’ll always be risking death.

“Enjoy the movie,” Papa says, his voice gravelly. “Stop thinking about all the things you want to do right now.”

He’s right, but I can’t shake the feeling that whatever I decide, it’s going to be the wrong decision. My stomach tosses and turns even thinking about it.

For a little while, I try to turn off my brain and enjoy my time with my father. I watch the movie, laughing at all the right parts and making jokes with him. It’s only when Alessio walks into the suite and helps Papa in the wheelchair that everything comes rushing back.

Alessio winks at me before wheeling my father out of the room. “Dinner is ready.”

I swallow down the nauseous feeling and follow them down the hall to the kitchen. Christian is standing in front of the stove, stirring a pot that smells like chorizo and cumin.

“It smells amazing in here,” I say as I wander over to the stove. “What are you making?”

“Sopa de lentejas.” Christian grabs a small spoon and scoops up some of the soup, holding it out to me. “Lentil soup. It’s my mama’s recipe. I thought that I should make some dinner since Alessio has extended his home to me.”

My mouth waters as I taste the soup, nearly moaning at the mix of flavors together. “You have to give me the recipe for this, if you don’t mind. This is amazing.”

“As long as you promise not to serve it once you have a wildly successful resort, I would be happy to,” Christian says as he grabs a few bowls from one of the cupboards. He grins and starts to ladle the soup into the bowls. “It may be the middle of summer, but I don’t think there is a wrong season for sopa de lentejas.”

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