Page 70 of Sins and Secrets

The words are bitter on my tongue. Though I know they’re a lie — after all, I’m planning an escape — I have to make Christian believe that I am loyal to the Marchetti mafia.

He studies me for a minute before his shoulders stiffen slightly. “That was almost convincing. I think that you’re hiding something. Not that I’m questioning your loyalty, but you’re on edge.”

‘I have a lot going on in my life. And did you ever think that perhaps the personal relationship I have with Alessio complicates my loyalty to the famiglia?”

I’m scrambling for excuses and I know it. I’m just hoping that Christian doesn’t. If he doesn’t believe me, then I’m sure he will go to Alessio and tell him of his suspicions.

“So, there is a personal relationship that I should be concerned about.” Christian nods and grins. “That’s all the information I was looking for, Billie. Keep your secrets, as long as they do not put me or my business in danger.”

“My secrets have no effect on your life or my famiglia.”

Christian shrugs and takes the first few steps down the stairs. “I believe you. For now.”

As he walks back downstairs, my heart is racing. Though Christian gave me some valuable advice, it was all in the name of digging for information. He is trying to see if I will put the mafia first when the time comes.

Does that mean that Alessio has his doubts about me?

The thought doesn’t sit well with me. Though I still plan on leaving, I’m starting to waver. I know that walking away from him is going to be one of the hardest things I ever have to do. Our situation isn’t ideal and after our conversation in his office yesterday, I doubt it’s ever going to improve.

Still, there is something between us whether we act on it or not. I want him. If there was a way to make this work between us and improve life as part of the Marchetti mafia, then maybe I would stay.

I take a deep breath and run my hand through my hair. I don’t know what I’m thinking. Leaving is all I’ve wanted for so long but in the last couple of weeks, I’ve been rethinking that more than ever.

Christian is just trying to get in my head and cause doubt. I just need to stick to my plan.

With that in mind, I grab some sketches of the resort I did last night and head to Papa’s room.

Papa is sitting up in bed when I enter the in-law suite with a smile. His smile is more lopsided than it used to be, but his health has only been improving. Eventually, I should be able to take him away from this place.

Especially now that I know there are other sets of tunnels that run beneath the house.

“Kiddo,” Papa says as I sit down in the chair beside his bed. I tuck my legs up beneath me and lean over to hand him the sketches. “What are these?”

“Some designs for the first resort. I wanted to see what you thought.”

His hands shake as he flips through the designs. I watch his mouth press into a thin line before the corners turn up slightly. He smiles and nods at everything he sees, though his hands are shaking. He still looks frail, especially with the big bed surrounding him. He doesn’t look like the man who used to toss me up on top of his shoulders and run with me through the main house. The man who taught me how to fight or shoot a gun.

The mafia is sapping all the life out of him and turning him into a shell of who he once was. He has tried to keep up with the younger capos and soldiers, despite his position of consigliere.

And now look at where it’s gotten him.

“You look worried,” Papa says, his voice wavering slightly. He hands the sketches back to me. “These are good.”

“It’s still going to be a while before I ever get to designing the actual rooms of the resort, but I think these will be a good starting point.”

Even just sitting beside Papa is enough to make me feel better after the conversation with Christian. It makes me feel better about all the lies I’ve been trying to keep straight. I’m doing this for Papa. I’m willing to betray the only life I’ve ever known for Papa.

“I was thinking of building it somewhere other than Georgia, though. Maybe somewhere that gets a lot of snow. You would be able to finally retire,” I say, as if this is a normal conversation and not a suggestion of treason.

Papa’s face goes red and his hands shake harder. “No. We do not leave.”

“Papa, this life isn’t good for you anymore,” I say, keeping my voice soft in case someone is outside his room and listening to me. “You need to think about this. You almost died on a run that you never should have been on. This mafia is nothing but brutality until death. There is more to life than working for a man who doesn’t value you.”

"You don’t know him,” Papa says, spitting his words out as if they are venom. “We will stay. That is final.”

I sigh but let it go for now. Papa is in no state to be moved and I don’t want to get him worked up for nothing. We will talk about this later when he is in a better frame of mind. One of these days, Papa is going to see things my way.

“How have you been feeling? The nurse says that you’re doing good with your physical therapy.” I reach out and take his hand, giving it a squeeze. “I’m glad that you’re alright. I was really worried about you.”

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