Page 84 of Sins and Secrets

I look around her apartment, taking in the pictures of her family that line the walls and trying to come up with the right words to describe how I feel.

Over the past few days, I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about what I want for myself. For the longest time, I was sure that leaving would be the answer. I would escape the mafia and then I would be free to start my life the way I wanted.

When I started falling for Alessio, that thought shifted. I began seeing a life where I stayed in the mafia. Where he would make changes to make sure the famiglia felt like a family and not just people who would kill each other to get ahead if they could.

“There is a massive but,” I say, pulling my blanket a little closer. “I’m falling for him, and I don’t want to leave anymore. I don’t know what that says about me now, but everything I planned for myself has changed.”

“You’re giving up everything you wanted for Alessio?” Emilia shakes her head and reaches for her glass of wine. “Billie, that doesn’t sound like you.”

“When did I say that I was giving up what I wanted?” My back stiffens slightly as I stare at her. I know that she is coming from a good place, but the question still bothers me. “I’m not giving up anything. I’m still going to have what I want. It’s just going to be in Atlanta instead of somewhere else in the country.”

Emilia sighs. “Are you sure that’s what’s best? You know how things in the mafia are. Sure, Alessio is changing them, but is it ever really going to change? Are you ever really going to be happy with a man who is a career criminal?”

“Are you forgetting all the crimes that we’ve committed?” I take a sip of my wine. “I don’t think it’s fair to judge him entirely on the things that he’s done. It doesn’t mean that I hate the mafia any less, but he matters a whole lot more to me than the mafia.”

“You sound like you’re in love with him.” Emilia smiles and reaches out to squeeze my knee. “If you think he is the one for you, then I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.”

The butterflies in my stomach flutter their wings as I consider what it means to be in love with Alessio. We’re going to work toward a future together. It’s something that I didn’t think would ever happen with anyone in the mafia.

That brings some complicated feelings with it. Even though I know that I’ve fallen for Alessio, there is also the sense that the mafia is always going to come before my future and dreams. I know that it is his legacy, but I’m also trying to create a legacy of my own.

He is going to give me the space to grow as I need. I can chase my dreams and be with him.

It’s what I keep telling myself, even though there is a little voice in the back of my mind that tells me otherwise. I have to have faith in him, though. He has been nothing but supportive of my dreams.

I’m going to be able to have everything I want.

Christian glances up from the kitchen table as I get home late that night. He nods in my direction before glaring down at his phone. I see a thin bar come up across the screen.

“Girl problems?” I ask as I set my purse down on the counter. “You know, if you want to talk about it, I can help you.”

He sighs and runs his hand through his hair. “Fuck it. I may as well get an opinion.”

I grin and open the fridge, pulling out a couple of bottles of beer. He shakes his head, a small smile curving the corner of his mouth as I open them before handing him one.

“You know, this is going to be a massive mistake. I’m going to regret telling you anything.”

Laughing, I sit down beside him and take a sip of beer. “Come on, tell Doctor Billie about your problems. I promise you won’t regret it.”

“I have had a few names of people in my cartel leaked to the Feds, and I need to guarantee protection for my people. I was approached by a very prominent person with a very… unorthodox proposition.”

“Oh?” I’m curious what he could mean by that.

“He’ll protect my people from the law in exchange for protection for himself.”

“Okay. Sounds reasonable. A good deal.”

“You’d think so. The problem is that he insists the way to insure both sides play ball is through marriage.”

I didn’t think that there were arranged marriages anymore. Christian certainly doesn’t seem like the kind of man who would willingly go along with something like that.

“What? Are you serious? Who is she? Do you even like each other?” I ask, crossing one leg over the other.

He shrugs as his phone buzzes again. “We have never even met before. That’s why I said I’d think about it. He is pushing me for an answer. The wedding would be taking place about a year from now, because he wants it to be a major PR event for himself. But I have no clue how a marriage with her is going to work. Especially since my sister says I’m sacrificing my love life, so she is against it.”

“I mean, if I was your sister and my brother was considering marrying a woman as part of a business deal, I would lose my shit too.”

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