Page 50 of Sins and Secrets

“It’s not a pity fuck.” I sigh and run my hand down my face. “That isn’t what I meant. I enjoy what’s going on between us and I want to continue it — without the begging every time you want to fuck — but that’s all I can offer right now.”

She bites her bottom lip and stares up at the ceiling. After what seems like an eternity, she nods. “I could use some sex without strings attached. It ends when the contract ends, though. I don’t want either of us to start thinking that it could turn into something it’s not when this is all over.”

“This ends when the contract ends,” I say, moving to hover over her body. She looks up at me, reaching up to slide her hands over my shoulders.

I push whatever feelings I’m starting to have for Billie to the side as I kiss my way down her body, losing myself in the heaven I’ve found between her legs.

I’m too broken to be anything more than casual sex to her, but I’m not going to let her know that. This is just a bit of fun before we have to go our separate ways.

Even if, in an entirely different world, I might be able to see something more between us.

17

BILLIE

I roll over and see Alessio still clutching the pillow in the bed beside me. My heart pounds against my chest as I slide out from beneath the covers, trying not to disturb him. There’s something so innocent-looking about him when he sleeps.

Knowing that he is a cold and dangerous killer is very at odds with the version of him currently in my bed.

Last night was the best sleep I’ve had in a long time. I don’t know how I’m going to go to bed tonight without him beside me, but that’s a problem for later. Right now, I have to get ready for work and try to ignore the feelings at war within me.

I still want to leave the mafia. It’s why I’ve done everything that I have so far this summer. That desire to leave the mafia is why I auctioned my body off to the highest bidder.

But there is a part of me that doesn’t want to leave Alessio.

Though we both agree that all that can be between us is casual sex, my dreams still ran wild last night. I dreamt about a life that would never exist. One where I’m settled down with Alessio, happy. Our children ran around us and dogs played in the yard.

It’s the kind of life I know I’m never going to get if I stay here.

I make my way to the closet, grabbing out a pair of black plaid slacks, a white blazer, and a white bodysuit. As I head into the bathroom to get dressed, I grab my phone from the couch and check the time. It’s still too early to go to work, but getting a coffee from my favorite café on the way there sounds good.

With that in mind, I hurry to get dressed and head out. I decide against saying goodbye to Alessio. That’s the kind of thing that people do when they’re in a relationship.

How the hell do I act around him now that we’re having casual sex?

I sigh and run my hands through my hair, trying to tame the wild waves as I head outside into the cool morning air. As soon as I get in the car, I start scrolling through my playlist for the perfect song to start the morning.

For the first time in a long time, I feel good about what I’m doing with my life. I’m not wasting time in the mafia. I have a plan to get out and half a dozen back-up plans. I’m working toward the life I want, even if that means doing something I wouldn’t normally do.

However, there’s a little voice in the back of my brain that says heartbreak is headed my way.

Casual sex with the man I’ve been attracted to for years — the leader of a mafia — is a recipe for disaster.

Casual sex with my father’s best friend seems like a recipe for a nuclear disaster.

I hum to myself, trying not to freak out. Soon, I’ll have a coffee in hand and I’ll be able to focus on work instead of the mind-blowing sex I had last night.

The coffee shop is nearly empty when I park the car in their lot and head inside. There are a few people in suits, already talking on their phones about their plans for the day. A couple people are working on their laptops in dark corners of the café while soft acoustic music flows through the room.

I order my coffee, waiting for it by the counter as the bell above the door chimes. I glance across the room to see Paolo walk in, a bright smile on his face as he makes his way toward me.

In all the years that I’ve known him, he’s only ever smiled at me at the auction. It sent a chill down my spine then and it sends another chill down my spine now.

It’s a smile that I know better than to trust. It’s the one that men give to women when they want them to be comfortable, even when they shouldn’t be.

Every alarm bell is going off in my head as the barista hands me my coffee.

“Well, Billie, it’s nice to see you again,” Paolo says as he leans against the counter beside me. My heart races. I didn’t think he would realize who I was. Not after the auction. “You know, it took me longer than I care to admit to find out you’re Arturo’s daughter. Just another thing to add to my list of disappointments, I suppose. I really thought that we were going to be spending the summer together. Such a shame that we aren’t.”