A soft touch across his forehead drew his attention back to the woman at his side.
“What are you thinking about so hard, Kyle?”
Eveline’s question was one he would ask if he saw someone as lost in their head as he’d been.
“About what you said. Most people I know want to forget the bad things that happen to them. Not cling to the memory.”
“I’m not clinging. I’m accepting. My method may come and bite me in the ass. Maybe forgetting would be the best thing and I hope that one day I will forget, but I’m guessing you haven’t forgotten everything you’ve gone through.”
Ox’s skin prickled as if hundreds of beetles were crawling over it. He wanted to stand and scrub his skin in an attempt to brush away the feeling. “It’s impossible to forget. There are things. . .” He shook his head, unable to finish his thought because the more he talked about it, the more he got pulled in the void.
“That doesn't bear repeating.” Eveline picked up on the thread. “I understand.”
Silence fell between them, and Ox wished he could change the last twenty minutes. He might not have said it out loud, but he was suffering from PTSD from his near-death experience with Penni.
In all his years as a Delta, he hadn’t come even close to losing his life as he’d done during the ambush. As a Delta, he’d had his team at his back. They were a unit that had known what the other was thinking before the thought could be voiced out loud.
It’d just been him with Penni and he’d done his damnedest to keep her safe, but it hadn’t been enough. He’d known he was outnumbered, but he’d put up a fight and had survived.
Survived.
So had Penni. That was what he needed to focus on, not the things he hadn’t done.
Eveline’s fingers traced nonsensical patterns on his belly, and the touch was burning through his regrets, replacing it with the slow burn of desire.
How easy it would be to turn his head and find Eveline’s lips. Lose himself in their shared kisses. Pull the T-shirt she wore over her head and reacquaint himself with her body.
Ox did none of that. Instead he pulled away from her.
“I need to get dressed.” His voice was brusque to his own ears.
“Whereas, I have nothing that I can wear because everything I own was destroyed.”
“I’ve got more clothes you can wear.”
Her eyebrows arched. “You have a whole closet full of women’s clothing? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Ox heard the hint of jealousy in her voice. The questions why do you have women’s clothes? What aren’t you telling me? were what she really wanted to ask. Delight he wanted to ignore made his belly flutter.
“My sister left some of her clothes here before she moved to New Zealand to marry the man she’d been dating long distance. Her reasoning was, she wouldn’t have to pack much if she left some clothes here when she came back to visit me.”
“And does she visit often?” A simple question but, again, there was skepticism lingering.
Ox supposed it did sound a bit far-fetched, but Josie was Josie and he’d never questioned why she did the things she did. Having her clothes at his place wasn’t a burden. He liked it, considering he’d been away from her for years while he’d been in the military.
“Sadly, no. Niall runs an adventure company. That’s how they met. She holidayed there. So, getting away isn’t easy for them. One day, she’ll come back and will overpack and never wear the clothes she left here.” He smiled thinking about his sister. She loved her life in New Zealand, and he really liked Niall. They were a good pair.
“You miss her, don’t you?”
Ox shrugged. “I do, but I was away a lot when I was in the Army. Now it’s her that’s far away and not me.”
“Thank you for offering her clothes. I’d appreciate being able to wear them.”
The conversation had turned polite, as if a switch had been flicked after their conversation about nightmares.
Ox should be glad that things were that way between them, but he didn’t like it. He didn’t want barriers between them.
He wanted to share everything with Eveline, and that shocked the hell out of him.