Page 9 of Tango

“I can’t. I shouldn’t even be here talking to you about this. Here I am, terrified about Ty leaving, when all of you are dealing with the biggest thing Blackstone and Shadows have ever faced. I feel terrible about it. I can’t be that person.”

“Why are your feelings less important than others’?”

“I’m supposed to be the rock for you all. Not hiding out in a freezing chopper feeling sorry for myself.”

“All right, so let’s get you through this so you can go back to being the rock again.” He patted my back.

I was relieved he saw that it was what I wanted, not to mention needed.

He cleared his throat and thought for a second. “I’m going to be honest with you for a minute.” He squeezed my arm and sat up straight. “Look, Blackstone is thick as a brotherhood can be, which means we feel and experience everything together. One feels pain, we all feel pain, if you know what I mean. You know Lopez was in the room with me during one of my sessions with you. We have nothing to hide from one another. I’ve been on the front lines when Logan, Lopez,” he counted on his fingers, “Irons, and John all realized they’d found the one they loved and wanted to marry. What does that tell you?”

“You’ve been in love four times?” I joked.

“No,” he chuckled, “but it means I’ve experienced four different ways people can fall in love. Make that five because they were all there for me when I chose, too.”

“That’s a pretty cool way of looking at it, actually.”

“It is.” He held up a finger. “You know what else it means?” I shook my head. “It means I’ve gotten pretty good at spotting love, too.”

I opened and closed my mouth. I wanted to deny it, but the truth was he was right. The night Ty came into my room and stayed with me, I’d felt something shift inside. He’d held me and never asked for anything in return. Sex could have happened then, but it didn’t. He wanted to be there for me, and that was it. It meant the world to me. I knew I wanted to ignore that feeling because I felt his heart was in Afghanistan.

“Dr. Keith does have a good ring to it.” I sidestepped the truth and fumbled with my hands for a moment. “I’m scared.”

“You don’t think all of us weren’t? Being vulnerable sucks.” He chuckled sadly into his mug. “But running from love won’t get you anywhere, trust me.”

“What does it feel like?”

“Incomplete.”

“How do you feel now, given your situation, I mean?” He eyed me hard, and I winced. “Sorry, it’s a habit. You don’t have to answer that.”

We sat in silence listening to the wind blow through the cracks in the building. Both of us just enjoyed each other’s company in that moment. We didn’t want to face the world just yet.

“Truth,” he said just above a whisper, “I’ve put my emotions on pause. Not sure what that says about me, but it’s the only way I’m surviving this.”

“It means you’re human.” I pulled the blanket tighter around me.

“Come on.” He jumped up and offered me a hand. “It’s about twenty-one degrees out, and we’re expecting snow. We don’t need our doctor getting sick on us. Besides, I know Ty’s back from Camp Green, and I’m sure he’s looking for you.” He helped me down from the chopper then opened the door of the hanger for me. We were met with a freezing wind. “Brrrr, let’s hurry.”

“He was at Camp Green already today?” I looked at my watch and saw it was only ten thirty in the morning.

“He and Moore were gone by zero-four-hundred.”

“Why so early?” I hurried along beside him.

“When you’re interviewing for possible teammates, you need to ask them the hardest questions when they’re tired and the easiest when they’re not.” He smiled and took my arm. “Ty arranged for Ray, the guy who runs Camp Green, to get someone to take the candidates and do drills most of the night. They had maybe forty-five minutes of sleep before they were called to the interview room.”

“I’ve heard of that before. I think Frank mentioned it at one point.”

“Most likely. It’s pretty common. It’s just another way to weed out the weak.”

Something made a strange sound in his pocket, and he pulled out a small radio.

“Repeat.” He spoke with a strong tone that was all business.

“It’s Frank. Come to the house.” Just as he put the radio away, we stepped into the clearing and saw everyone gathered outside on the front porch.

“What’s going on?” Blackstone and the wives were all huddled together, and I felt something colder than the wind pass through me.

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