Page 21 of Remembering Passion

I vaguely remembered Donovan Sherman saying something to Damien about coffee this morning. That was why I settled on room service. My avoidance had started early. Then I spent the early afternoon, hiding in plain sight. Not difficult to do in an airport the size of LAX.

It sounded childish, even in my own thoughts, but I couldn’t face him today. My resolve from last night was spent. It had taken most of my supply when I asked him to leave and not call me. The final ounces were drained when I refrained from looking out the peephole.

If I had.

If he’d been waiting.

I didn’t know what I would have done.

Apologize?

Ask him to come back inside?

Tell him I wanted the one orgasm he still owed me?

In the shower, after he left, I slid down the wall, sitting under the hot spray, holding my knees, and crying the tears I’d held back for over two years. That wasn’t completely true. I’d cried my share when I first left him. Back then, my sadness morphed to resolve.

I vowed I would survive.

I vowed I would go on.

I vowed that I was strong enough without him.

Those promises to myself were why I asked him to leave and to not call.

After less than twenty-four hours in his presence, I felt myself slipping away. That was what he did. I didn’t believe the effect was intentional on his part. It was simply that Damien was an irresistible force, and when near him, everyone was pulled into his orbit.

Just as one couldn’t fault the sun for its gravitational pull that held our solar system in orbit, Damien wasn’t at fault for the pull or the effect he had. The sun wasn’t at fault. Nevertheless, I refused to go back to being a lesser mass.

I couldn’t.

I wouldn’t.

When I woke, I found my supply of resolve had just enough to get me back home and back to my life. There wasn’t enough to face him, speak to him, or even entertain memories of our last goodbye.

Thankfully, I didn’t see him in the rows of first class. Making my way back to row twenty-two, I found my seat. It was on the aisle with an older couple at my side. After stowing my carry-on, I sat and leaned my head back.

“Did you have a good trip, dear?” the woman asked.

It took me a moment to answer, to remember why I was in Los Angeles in the first place. The gala. Forcing a smile, I nodded. “It was a business trip, and yes, it was successful.”

* * *

Monday morning, I was back to me, back to work, and seated at the conference table with coffee in hand. In the middle of the table was a large box of donuts from a local bakery. The conversation started light with pleasantries and questions about the gala from those who didn’t attend.

The purpose of this meeting, a follow-up, was to tout our accomplishments—the massive donations Beta Kappa Phi acquired. After a discussion with the nice woman on the plane, I settled in and compiled the numbers. Each representative had sent me their totals. The final number was even more than we expected.

The discussion took a turn when Niles mentioned Damien. Now, instead of receiving praise for a well-planned and successful gala, I was facing the ire of Kevan, the vice president of endowments.

“Ella, it’s unfathomable that you would withhold this connection.”

Inhaling, I lifted the paper cup of coffee to my lips.

The seats around the table were occupied by the members of my team as well as Kevan Parkinson and Millie Barns, the executive director and the head of Beta Kappa Phi.

With all eyes on me, I set the cup next to my laptop. I chose to not address Kevan’s condemnation and to instead focus on our accomplishment. “After compiling all the numbers, the gala exceeded our fundraising goal by twenty-five percent. Mr. Sherman’s second donation came through this morning. He didn’t simply match last year’s sum—he doubled it.” I couldn’t be certain the money was solely from Donovan Sherman. Since the donation came in two parts, I had the sneaking suspicion that someone else may be involved. That was the someone Kevan was talking about. The subject I didn’t want to discuss.

Kevan cleared his throat. “Sinclair Pharmaceuticals is a local company that has recently skyrocketed in value. The possibilities are limitless if we could secure their sponsorship.”

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